Sexuality – From Us To Them

Fictional Narrative

Sitting down on the copious garden bench, I could tell from his body posture that he was trying to compose himself for the forthcoming event. The sun brightly shone, but the pedunculate oak tree was keeping us from direct exposure. As Hussain sat with his legs crossed and his mind open to my questions, he recalled his past experiences and all the troubles he has faced up to this point in his life. When I appreciated him for making it to the conversation and then introduced him to the topic of the day, he nodded his head and uttered, “I am honored to be here. At least I can clear things out to my fellow Muslim brothers who live hiding away from themselves.” He spoke with so much confidence; that of someone who has undergone a process a hundred times if not a thousand and is now sufficiently confident about every tiny detail that is entailed in the whole process. As his eyes grew stale and his mind wandered off into a long past world, he slowly recollected how his sex life has evolved.

Hussain gets the desire to quench his thirst which could have resulted from the direct questions that he had encountered and that were also yet to come (3:25). So I present him with a bottle full of water and he sips a big gulp. He then confidently says his age, which is 23 years, and that he is a male who is a Muslim by faith who goes to the mosque to pray and he is currently in a gay relationship. Hussain is originally from UAE, but he is now a legal US citizen which he attained with the help of his partner who directed him on the correct offices to visit and procedures to undertake. On the relationship status of him and his partner, Hussain says, “We are planning for a long term relationship that probably will lead to our marriage. It has been a difficult journey to reach where we are. We love one another and I hope everything will turn out right.”

Hussain discovered that he was gay at a very tender age. He can vividly remember that he was depressed and could not find himself in a position to talk much, so he spent most of his time in his room when he was in his 5^th grade. This is understandable when someone, especially a young boy, notices that the society is not in appreciation of his own interest and therefore always tends to take refuge in his private company, away from anyone. Hussain started to notice some differences in himself and his normalcy. He was gradually learning to stay away from his old male friends, and he was no longer enjoying their company and their endless stories. On the contrary, he could admire what the girls were doing and could find himself getting drawn to them. Back at home, he had started hating the boy gifts that his dad could bring him every time he had a visit. Since her mum never wanted his only boy to tarnish her name in any way, he had always promised to get him a cute outfit every time he performed well in his class. Hussain had never failed to impress his mother because he was still the top; if not, the second best. During this time, he had topped and therefore, as usual, his mom had to get him the newest outfit in town. However, this time something strange and weird happened; he did not like it despite how elegant it looked, but he never shared this with anyone.

I am now almost at the peak of the conversation, and it continues to get better and better. I needed to know about the chronological timings, how long Hussain had been aware of his sexual orientation. Hussain said, “Okay, to realize that I was not the same as boys of my age [which implies noticing he was gay], I was 12 years old. However, to be involved in a gay relationship I was about 16 years old.” Noticing that that was a very tender age, there was no way he could have managed that by himself, there must have been someone who helped him out. And sure enough, the first person who introduced Hussain to his first gay relationship was his high school teacher. Mr. Omar, Hussain’s Math teacher, called him and asked if he could join him in his office for a talk. Previously, they had done a surprise test, and he did not feel comfortable with it, so he was certain that he was five minutes away from being scolded due to poor performance. But to his surprise, he was astonished by what the teacher had prepared for him. The teacher told him that he had keenly noted that he was different from other students and that he was also hiding from who he was. This left Hussain mouth wide open; he could not believe his ears. Did that come from his Mathematics teacher whom they never had anything in common apart from a lecture? He did not have a comeback to that, so the best option was to storm out of the office. However, the teacher was not the type to accept defeat; he called him yet again after two weeks and asked if he ever thought about what they talked about in their last meeting. This was ironic because it was a one-way traffic conversation, and whatever that was, it was nowhere near a meeting. But Hussain gave in with one condition: they were not to carry the conversation in school. So, the teacher quickly asked, “can you make time tomorrow and we meet in town?” Hussain accepted, and they met where he opened up about everything and that was the very first person that he ever told about his sexual realm, and also became the first person who introduced him to his first gay relationship.

“Personally, I encountered extensive prejudice and discrimination back at home in the UAE because of my sexual orientation. Given the fact that gay relationships in the UAE are not widely known and considered evil in society, I could not manage coming out or even exhibiting any sign of being in a same-sex relationship. Here in the US, it is an open society; however, there is severe antigay prejudice including verbal harassment.” This was the reply that Hussain gave when I asked him what role prejudice and discrimination played in his life as a gay person. He could very well remember one Friday evening when he had just come out of a bar that goes by the name Bistro 303. Taking just a few steps, certain individuals severely insulted them claiming that they were agents of Satan and that they were mutilating the society.

Standing up and taking a few steps around the bench, his height could now be revealed as opposed to when he was seated. He bit his right thumbnail and said, “Actually, prejudice and discrimination have a wide range of impacts, including social and personal impact. This is reflected in everyday stereotypes that are persistent within the society. Gays are limited to job opportunities, parenting as well as relationship recognition are justified by stereotypic assumptions about gays.” I could tell from his facial expression and body movement that he felt that sink in him. However, his face could change like a switch because when I introduced a topic on family, his face lit up and he put on a smile. He said, “…I am a big fan of family and having children is one of my future obligations. I think we will talk about it with my partner. Our relationship is two years old and we are taking things slow. When the time comes, possibly after our marriage, is when we will have children.” From his face, you could see determination and hope. I thanked Hussain for his time and I joined him in standing as we shook hands and bid goodbye to one another (30:45).

Tradition & Progress

Mandy (middle) and her children, (from left) Bobby, Alison, and Brittany, 2017 (All Rights Reserved)

This is a series of personal entries and a letter creatively formulated from an interview with Mandy Martinez. This series is an attempt to humanize the little girl who was robbed of her first love, the teenager who wanted to be understood, and the woman who was strong enough to be herself. The last entry is entirely non-fiction, as I pulled it from my very own journal.

March 1989

Dear Diary,

Today in class we learned about genealogy. The teacher asked us to make a family tree. I learned that I am Hispanic, French, and Moroccan It was easy to fill in the branches closest to me: my mom, Michele, my dad, Armando, my mimi, Lucienne, my papa, Bill. I had to ask my mom about our family, to assist me in filling in the branches that extended past my immediate family. Then the teacher told us to predict our futures. We were supposed to add a page of branches dedicated to our future family. I looked at my mom’s name, my grandma’s, and my great grandma’s; the boxes framing their names were connected to their husbands. It felt weird making up my husband’s name, and not because I am only eleven and I shouldn’t be considering marriage, but because I never pictured having a husband. But what else would I put in that little blank spot next to my name? I decided not to write anything. Ambra was sitting next to me while we made the family trees. She wrote, “whoever I fall in love with” in the box. I like that. I like her too. We became friends today.

Goodnight,

Mandy M.

April 1989

Dear Diary,

Ambra and I ate lunch together every day for the past month. She always gives me her Jell-O Pudding Pops and I always give her half of my turkey sandwich. I like her a lot. She has pretty, blue eyes and dark hair. She has become my best friend. She tells me I am the best girl friend. I wonder if she has any other friends that are girls? Am I really the best? I hope so. I want her to stay my best friend for a long time. She walks me home every day. Ambra’s mom lets her because she lives on base too, not far from me. Speaking of moms, mine is driving me nuts. She tells me I spend too much time with Ambra. Wasn’t she just encouraging me to make more friends that live on the military base? She says my compliments are inappropriate. She won’t even let her spend the night like my other friends do. Geez, I don’t know why she is so scared of Ambra. It’s not like she is a bad influence. The only way I can remain Ambra’s best girl friend, is to keep it a secret from my mom. And that’s just what this diary is for: keeping secrets.

Signing off. I hope Ambra brings a vanilla pudding pop tomorrow.

Mandy M.

May 1989

Mandy, her sister, Tammy (middle), and their mother, Michele attending Pridefest, 2016 (All Rights Reserved)

I have a confession- one I can only tap onto my typewriter. I did a terrible thing. My big sister, Mandy, didn’t deserve to be punished. I did. I talked back to the teacher in class today and the teacher called my parents. Beads of sweat trailed down my face as I neared the front door. I didn’t know what to expect, a spanking? No, mom would find a punishment that was fitting for the crime, like soap in the mouth to wash out my back-talking. I hate the taste of that blue oily soap. And drinking water only makes it worse. When I walked through the front door, mom was sitting on the couch waiting. Mandy was behind me, my protector. She ran upstairs before she could get caught in the middle of my mother’s rampage. She yelled at me for a second, telling me how much I embarrassed her for disrespecting a teacher. What would all the mothers on the military base think when my peers hinted towards my rebellion to their parents? She likes to remind me about how much they gossip about the bad kids at church. Then what would the others at church think? I was afraid of getting grounded and losing my whole weekend over talking back to the teacher, so I said it. I said the one thing I knew would take the attention away from myself… I told her Mandy was gay. How do I know she’s gay? I saw her kiss Ambra at school. On the lips! Mom’s fury was no longer aimed towards me. I placed it promptly onto Mandy. I’m so sorry, Mandy. I didn’t know she would whip out the belt.

Sincerely,

Tammy M., Mandy’s sister

January 1994

Entry #217

What a weird couple of months. First, I see Mandy with her boyfriend, Enrique, and figured she would only ever just be a friend to me. Another straight girl. Then when I talk to her in Sophomore Spanish class, she laughs off their relationship like they are just friends. “I don’t really like-like Enrique. I mean he’s cool, but he’s just not the person I want.” Those were her exact words. I could tell she got giggly and happy towards me, so I finally considered the possibility that she may be into me. I went for it and asked her on a date. We grubbed on In & Out, listened to the new Nine Inch Nails CD, and I even planted a kiss on her cheek. Not bad for a first date. We spent two whole months together before she let me even see where she lived. She told me she was afraid her parents wouldn’t approve. The word she always uses to describe them is “traditional.” Well, she was right, I think. Mandy promised me she would talk to her mom about us so I wouldn’t be a secret anymore. That was the last time we spoke. I tried talking to her at school, but she changed her classes. I tried to call her, but the line never rang more than twice. I guess that’s the end of that.

With a broken heart,

Tina K., Mandy’s second love

Dear Father John,

Mandy and her mother, Michele (left), attending Pridefest, 2016 (All Rights Reserved)

It has been brought to my attention that my sixteen-year-old daughter was having an inappropriate relationship with another female. The person my daughter is infatuated with wears raggedy dark clothing, has a choppy haircut, and is, worst of all, a woman. I am sure you have dealt with blasphemous over-sexualized youths in your program much worse than my Mandy. I think she may need some guidance, if this phase of hers continues. I would like you to teach her the proper way of life; the traditional life with a husband and children. Mandy wants to be a nurse; she wants to help people. That proves she is a good person despite her sinful desires. I have done my research and have come upon a conversion program you are holding in the summer. I am interested in registering my Mandy this upcoming summer, if she doesn’t change her ways immediately. I want to be a grandmother. I want my daughter to feel whole! I trust you to guide her away from the alternative lifestyle I fear she may want to live.

In the name of tradition and The Holy Spirit,

Michele M., Mandy’s mother

June 2003

Dear diary,

Mandy and her family at Pridefest, 2018 (All Rights Reserved)

I haven’t written in this old thing in years, but I feel as if writing will give me some form of therapy. I think I am finally ready to leave Robert. He is a good man, an amazing man. He is a perfect father to my three children, and I will always love him, but something is missing. Something has always been missing. I have sacrificed my true self to satisfy my mother, my husband, and my children. I am a fucking adult. My mother cannot run my life or threaten to send me to a conversion camp. I know my kids will be hurt by the separation, but my oldest, Brittany, is six years old. I have time to help her understand as she ages. All of them. They will understand because they love me. I am a lesbian. It feels so refreshing to write. The ink is dry upon the page and my words have meaning. I am going to leave Robert tonight. My kids will forgive me, right? What if they hate me for dragging them into an alternative lifestyle? Now I sound like my mother.

I can do this.

Mandy M.

July 2015

Mandy, her wife, Angel (left), and her children, Bobby, Alison, and Brittany, 2018 (All Rights Reserved)

Hey, journal. It’s Alison again. Who else would it be? Whatever. I just got home from Pridefest with my family. We all got decked out in rainbows and had so much fun. Mom and I saw our favorite drag queen perform! Pride is my favorite family tradition. Everyone is so inclusive and fabulous! After Pride, mom and her girlfriend, Angel, took us to Steak N’ Shake for the perfect burgers. While we were all sitting in the squeaky booths, scarfing down our burgers, I noticed my mother’s smile. It was a certain smile that is only possessed in the genuine haze of late-night diner food. It was a smile I recognize, for it portrayed her happiness in that moment. The genuine gleam to her grin makes me grin, because I know my mom is happy. My grandma called mom after she saw the pictures my mom posted on Facebook from Pride. She asked if she could join us next year. Progress.

Love,

Alison K, Mandy’s daughter

Society’s Perception of Bisexuality

Mendez being photographed for her successful presidency at the University of Oregon Senate.

Artist’s Statement

It is important to know the context of Montse Mendez’ story in order to better relate and understand the lyrics of this song. My sister and interviewee, Montse, has many marginalized identities including being Mexican, a woman, and bisexual. Although Montse’s other identities also affect her in everyday life, the focus of this song is the way Montse has been treated because of her bisexuality. The first verse begins providing a little bit of context of her specific incident. This is where I address Montse’s coming out story, and the fear and confusion she felt then. She shared with me that when she was first coming out to people she felt “vulnerable and scared” (11:24), and that she did not know how people would think about her.

I felt like this was important to add because it shows that her self esteem was not in a good place prior to the incident. The pre-chorus and chorus then begin describing the specific incident, which took place on tinder with a man that Montse matched with. Montse was beginning to embrace her identity more and openly shared her sexuality with this man. The man’s first reaction was to say ,“That’s hot. Can you teach me how to make my girlfriend cum?” as an opening line. This overtly sexual approach is not only rude, but also offensive. The label “bisexual” seems to have a deep effect on society’s perception on the person. Instead of focusing on any other aspect of that person, they are immediately sexualized even though, just like a straight person, they have other attributes. I chose to use the chorus as a way to explain my perspective on bisexuality and how it is simply about who people feel romantic love towards. Since everyone feels romantic love, I hope that this humanizes bisexual people to those who hypersexualize them and can relate better to how they feel. Harmonically speaking, I picked a minor key in order to match the serious tone of the subject. I also picked chords with some notes that clash and may sound “crunchy” to go with this mood, and also match the contemporary style that most artists use today.

Song Lyrics

Chorus 1
eb 9
Bisexuality isn’t a pornographic movie (13:31)
Gb maj 7
It’s not a trend, or a mental disability
B maj 7
My sexuality isn’t about you, or how to make your girlfriend come (11:24)
Bb 7
It’s about love and who I put my feelings on
Verse 1

You didn’t she was scared and self conscious (11:24)
She wondered, is this real or is this fictitious?
Growing up she saw it as a negative (2:12)
Her friends and family told her being straight was imperative

Pre-Chorus

But when we matched and then you messaged me (11:24)
You didn’t ask about my major, my degree
My heritage or family
You’d rather gain from my sexuality

Chorus 1

eb 9
Bisexuality isn’t a pornographic movie (13:31)
Gb maj 7
It’s not a trend, or a mental disability
B maj 7
My sexuality isn’t about you, or how to make your girlfriend come (11:24)
Bb 7
It’s about love and who I put my feelings on

Not Their Cup of Tea

Millie Leonhard, Mason’s Home in Kansas, Olathe. Google June 2012. Copyright Free.

Present Day in Kansas City

When the doorbell rang, Mason was busy cleaning the house as he had always done on his day off. He opened the door to a slight, young woman bundled up against the Kansas winter. He didn’t usually have unanticipated visitors, especially in his quiet cul-de-sac nestled in suburban Olathe.

“Hi, my name is Lindsay. I’m with 41 Action News. I’ve heard that there is an unlicensed, homeless shelter that is operating out of the church behind your home. Have you seen anything suspicious lately?” she inquired.

Mason had actually seen some unusual activity in their family-oriented neighborhood: a drunk man passed out on a neighbor’s porch, one of the homeless had gotten aggressive when the neighborhood refused to let him shovel driveways for cash–but Mason didn’t mention that. He wasn’t one to be in the spotlight.

“No, I haven’t particularly seen anything out of the ordinary,” Mason stated.

“Well, if you happen to think of anything feel free to give me a call,” Lindsay stated handing Mason her business card.

“We are looking for people in the area to do interviews if they know information about the homeless shelter and its effects on the neighborhood.”

Mason thought for a moment, Oh, well interviews? Liam would love that.

While Mason was a bit introverted and content to keep to himself, his partner, Liam, was the opposite–an extrovert who relished the spotlight and loved to embellish. The perfect candidate for a conservative Kansas news station story about the homeless infiltrating the suburbs.

“Actually if you’re looking for people to interview my husband should be home around seven tonight. He’s more up to speed on the community on-goings and I’m sure he would love to talk to you.”

Mason watched the reporter’s eyes light up as if he’d just told her she’d won a lump sum of cash. He thought, Oh, yeah. I bet this seems great for her. Gays in the suburbs of conservative Kansas. Guess you don’t see that on every block.

Lindsay said emphatically, “I’d love to speak with your husband! Here’s my card. Make sure he calls me the moment he gets home.”

“I’ll be sure to do that. Have a great afternoon, Lindsay,” Mason said as he closed the front door. Turning around to go upstairs, he couldn’t help but feel as though he was something to be gawked at after his interaction with the reporter.

He began to wash the dishes as he peered out the frosted kitchen window and pondered his life in the past few months. This was different than Chicago, but it was a silent different. It was verbal attacks as he grew up, maybe a beer thrown at him, but here he dealt with the silent, passive abhorrence.

MIllie Leonhard. Mason’s Southside Home, Chicago. Google 2018. Copyright Free.

Growing up Gay

“Andrew, turn up the music! We need to get pumped for the club!” Mason said.

It was that time of year in Chicago when the weather was finally turning from a frozen tundra to where life could begin to creep back into the streets. Mason and his friend, Andrew, were cruising down a bumpy road on the Southside with all the windows down, letting the spring breeze guide their mood as they made the trek to Boystown. Upon Mason’s request, Andrew turned up the Britney Spears song, “Hit Me Baby One More Time”, and the two of them began to sing along. Apparently, this was the wrong choice.

As they glided up to a red stop light, a large SUV pulled up beside them and four men jumped out.

“The fuck you fags think you’re doing playing that music around here?”

Before the seventeen-year-old boys had time to think, the men jumped on the car from the passenger and driver’s side. The car began to rock and they were reaching for the boys.

“Drive! Drive! DRIVE,” Mason said emphatically. Andrew pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor running through the red light. The men fell away and became smaller and smaller as the boys looked back. With their hearts racing, they looked at each other with wild eyes. No more playing Britney Spears that loudly on the rough Southside.

Growing up Latino

How could he forget? How? It was the midterm for crying out loud!

Mason had just gotten back to his apartment after a long day. He plopped down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table gearing up to watch a guilty pleasure: Friends. All of the sudden it came racing back to him. FUCK. The midterm.

His feet were on the ground before he knew it and he was racing to his desktop to figure out what the essay was supposed to be about. Culinary school usually focused on execution but this time he needed to write. It was already almost midnight but the paper was due at ten in the morning. He had no time to waste. Mason stayed up all night and when the sun was coming up over the lake, he was typing the last page. Groggy as hell, he trudged to class with the paper in hand.

As he walked in and set the paper down on the front desk his instructor said, “What’s this?”

“That’s my midterm,” stated Mason.

“Oh, well it’s not due for another week. Are you ready to turn it in?”

Damn it. I mixed up dates, Mason thought. But he was confident in his work. “Yeah, it’s ready.”

The instructor accepted the paper and told Mason he would have it graded in a few days.

A few days later, the instructor came into class and told everyone that Mason had received an A on his midterm. If they would like to see what an A paper looked like, he would leave the paper out on the desk so they could take a look. After many of the students had taken time to go over the paper, one girl decided to speak up.

She raised her hand and stated, “Well, I don’t understand how he could get an A if he doesn’t even know how to fucking speak English.”

Mason, shocked, immediately felt the red hot pulse of embarrassment envelop his being. I earned that grade. I worked my ass off. I stayed up ALL night. So what if I don’t sound like you, Mason thought.

However, Mason had to put up with this reaction multiple times; he just wanted to fit in. This wore him down until he decided he would work to get rid of his Latino accent.

He regretfully succeeded.

Remembering What We Built

Liam came home to find Mason scrubbing the floors vigorously, which Mason usually will resort to doing when he’s stressed out. He could tell that something triggered him.

“Honey, how was your day?” Liam asked.

“Fine. Some reporter came by. She wants to know about the homeless shelter. Thought maybe you’d like to talk to her,” Mason stated without looking up.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“It’s just different here, Liam. I know this is your hometown. Sometimes it’s hard to deal with. It’s so different than Chicago. They judge silently…they find ways to make me feel as though I’m wrong for who I am,” Mason said as he slumped back against a cabinet.

“Hey, do you remember when those assholes followed us, called us fags, and threw beer bottles at us when we were walking home in Chicago one night?” Liam inquired softly while climbing down to meet Mason on the hardwood.

“Yeah.”

“Remember what happened? I wanted to run. You told me no. You said we needed to keep walking and don’t look back at them,” Liam said.

“And we haven’t looked back. We have pushed forward. No matter who told us that we were wrong,” he continued. At that moment, Liam started up their home sound system with Mason’s favorite song, “In My Feelings” while he grabbed Mason’s hands and pulled him to his feet. Then, he began to sing along loudly. Mason looked at Liam, cracked a side smile and laughed, letting go of his worries.

Mason and Liam built a home. Unapologetic, they built a loving relationship. More often than not, people have been judgmental of their differences, and the world may not change for them. Mason thought, I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I’ve learned to be okay with that.

Pride in Kansas City

By Anonymous Student (not Prof. Bergerson)

It is so fascinating to think about the fact that within our country, each state has such a different culture and way of living life. I think it is mind blowing to learn that things from the political climate to the phrases people say can be wildly different from state to state yet we all fall under a common label: citizens of the United State of America. This was a reality I first became confronted with when I moved from Southern California to Sedalia, Missouri about a year ago. Shifting from a raging liberal state to a raging conservative state was quite the challenge. Something that I really took for granted is the fact that members of the LGBTQIA+ community in the midwest are often ostracized, harassed, and hated. This was shocking to me, due to the fact that where I am from everyone from every walk of life is accepted. The LGBTQIA+ community is even celebrated where I’m from. When I came to UMKC I immediately noticed a positive shift in the attitude towards different people in a way that I had not seen in more rural Missouri. In my Discourse 100 class, I met an individual named Raine Briscoe, who I ended up becoming close friends with. Raine identifies as a transgender male. Something that made him really stick out to me in class was the fact that he was so open about his sexuality and was unashamedly himself. I immediately knew I wanted to get to know him better so that I could get a sense of what things are like for people of the LGBTQIA+ community in the Midwest. I was able to interview him on February 28, 2019 in the Miller Nichols Learning Center. From this interview I hoped to gain a personal and insightful perspective into what life is like as a transgender person in conservative America. In the interview, Raine shared stories about his experiences with things ranging from harassment at school to being misidentified on a daily basis, to the acceptance he feels on the UMKC campus in particular.

Raine grew up in a fairly typical household. His parents divorced when he was around six, and his parents shared 50/50 custody for the remainder of his adolescence. Raine has one older sister, and they both grew up in the suburbs of Liberty, Missouri. When I inquired as to how old he was when he started to notice that he might be transgender, he was able to trace it back to the age of seven. Rained recalled watching Dancing with the Stars with his mother and seeing Chaz Bono, who is a transgender male, and also legendary pop star, Cher’s son. When his mother explained to him that Chaz was transgender, and what that meant, he distinctly remembered the acceptance and welcoming tone that his mother used. She made it very clear that what Chaz did was absolutely something that Raine could do to. Raine explained, “And at the time, because when your seven you don’t think about that too much, but uh, I really did kind of resonate with that and it kind of stuck with me all throughout my life and I didn’t really do anything about it or feel anything until middle school. I would have people literally go up and ask me ‘Raine are you a guy or a girl because we honestly can’t tell’ I was like ‘uh I don’t know, I’m whatever, I’m a medical mystery”. Raine always knew that he was different from the kids around him in ways that were not limited to gender identity. He reflected on this and said, “Umm, I really wasn’t like anyone else, and so, people, especially young kids, don’t like what’s different. And I was very much different. I used to put socks on barbies and pretend they were slug people. Because I really liked bugs”. The fact that his personality was already different from many of his peers made it even more difficult for him to develop a self-acceptance for his sexuality and gender identity. Raine did not truly explore the thought that he might be transgender until around the time that he entered high school. He explains, “I started listening to this band called Steam Powered Giraffe, umm, when I was about fourteen. And one of the main members of that band is trans and so I learned all about her experience as a trans woman and I can really relate that back and forth to, you know. I was like [high pitched tone] ‘maybe I am trans’”. This was a pivotal moment in Raine’s journey to accepting his sexuality.

The first person that Raine came out to as transgender was his mother. According to his answers in the interview, she was immediately very accepting and embraced Raine’s identity without questioning or any reservation. He stated, “I really didn’t do anything fully until high school, when I started watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, and there were all these drag queens who were trans women. And they talked about their experience being queer, LGBT. And I was like ‘Okay yeah somethings, somethin’ ain’t right chief’ so then I came out to my mom. And my mom was like ‘yeah you are’. Yeah my mom was like, without a doubt, ‘I thought you were a lesbian but you’re not so go out be weird’,”. There is something that I personally found very interesting about this. The first one being that both of the figures that Raine described in this interview as being the most influential on his path to acceptance of himself were both public figures that he saw on television shows. For me this was great insight into the essential role that consistent exposure to people who are like-minded plays in the lives of developing children. This is something that those of us who are straight and belong to majority culture do not have to necessarily think about. However, those struggling to determine their gender identity or sexual orientation have very few well-known public figures to look up to. While this was the case as well for people who reside in the area of California that I am from, I realized that it did not stick out as much to me because they had many figures in our local community and in their personal lives to look up to. Southern California has a high concentration of members from the LGBTQIA+ community, so many of the individuals who live there grew up with several relatives and friends that were active in that community. For Raine and others growing up in the Kansas City area this was not the case, which affected them in a big way. Raine describes his relationship with the area in which he grew up by saying, “Like where I come from it was awful. I mean, like, I enjoyed it and I met a lot of great people but there was a lot of things that were just not good. Things weren’t good. A lot of bullying as a kid. A lot, like from second grade maybe fourth grade up was a lot”. It is tragic to hear stories of someone being attacked verbally or physically for simply embracing themselves in a way that causes no harm to others. In a modern society that claims to be accepting and open, there is still so much hatred for varying groups across the country. In the Kansas City area, there has been an interesting shift in the common attitude towards the LGBTQIA+ group over the past forty to fifty years.

The gay rights movement in our nation was not truly born until after the Stonewall riots in 1969. These riots were a result of violent acts between gay rights activists and police officers outside of a gay bar called Stonewall Inn in New York. It was in response to these events that gay rights activists across the nation rose up to form a collective movement. A news article from The Phoenix Newsletter states that “In June 1975, the first Gay pride Festival was held in Kansas City. The three-day event was spearheaded by the Gay People’s Union, Kansas City Women’s Liberation Union, the Joint Committee for Gay Rights, and the Metropolitan Community Church,” (Hinds 16). This was the first time that the LGBTQIA+ community was really given a dedicated platform to celebrate who they were and what they had accomplished. After this, the community still maintained a very underground existence. The same article states that “Records of Pride activities for most of the 1980’s are scant to nonexistent in GLAMA (Gay and Lesbian Archives of Mid-America) collections,” (Hinds 16). Throughout the remainder of the 20th century, and into the 21st century, the political power behind the Pride movement in Kansas City began to die out and turned into a party scene. Currently, whenever someone attempts to organize a Pride festival or event in Kansas City, they are often met with insanely high costs that prevented people from going through with it. This has inhibited the ability of Pride groups to establish a strong public presence in Kansas City.

However, Raine explained in our interview that despite all of the hardships he experienced throughout his life, because of who he is, it was all for the most part put to a stop when he came to UMKC. He said, “during orientation I went here and I got to see everything. There were other people like me, trans, lesbians, gays, bi, asexual, queer, whatever, just LGBT in general. And I was like ‘damn, I’ve really fucking found my place, shit’ and um I was at pride alliance […] there was a night at the beginning of the year where we were all just hanging out watching Matilda, and it felt like I was watching a movie with some close friends. Because we were all just watching Matilda, having a good time. […] Just being here is great and I love it. I’m really happy I’m here,”. I thought this really spoke to the fact that while the Pride movement in Kansas City lacks support in comparison to many other parts of the country, the fact that a LGBTQIA+ movement does exist here makes a significant difference. Throughout most of Missouri, nearly no support exists for people in this community, while in contrast the UMKC campus specifically makes a tremendous effort towards fostering diversity and inclusion. Those like Raine, being able to come here and be apart of a group that makes them feel safe and loved is a remarkable experience, and is something that is difficult to find amidst a part of the country that tends to hold prejudice towards anyone who is different.

Hearing Raine’s story was such an honor, and provided me with a new perspective on the progress that needs to be made in this area. To not only hear his story, but to be able to pair it with a now expanded context of the city itself, has opened my eyes to so many issues that I never knew existed. I think myself, and anyone else who has ever sat down with someone and just listened to their story, quickly realizes how beautiful connecting with other human beings is. We so often gravitate towards people who are like us, but we often learn the most from those who have a completely different experience from our own. The stories of Raine, and anyone else who has experienced discrimination because of who they are, need people that want to listen and who will use those stories in their daily lives to not only accept but celebrate the beautiful ways in which all of our life experiences are so different.

Works Cited

“Stonewall Riots.” Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc., 21 June 2018, www.britannica.com/event/Stonewall-riots.

Hinds, Stuart L. “History of Pride.” The Phoenix Newsletter, June 2014, pp. 16–17. z

Finding Identity in Kansas City

For 18 years, Anthony had grown up in Austin, Texas. He recently moved to Kansas City, Missouri to go to the University of Missouri- Kansas City, to get his Bachelor of Arts in Journalism. I am also a student at the University of Missouri- Kansas City. Unlike Anthony, I have lived in Kansas City, Missouri most of my life. I was also born in Texas, and shortly after I was born, we moved to North Carolina for my dad’s job. My dad was unhappy with the job in North Carolina, so we moved to Kansas City, and we couldn’t be happier. Kansas City is such a unique city where you can find a place you belong very easily. Anthony and I have one thing in common, and that is that we were both raised Catholic. The one big difference is that we both had very different experiences with the church.

When I was 4 years old, I was baptized Catholic. I did not get a choice, nor did Anthony. The big difference between our stories is that I went to catholic school for 16 years. I was surrounded by people with the same beliefs as me, and at the beginning of every class we start the class off with a prayer. Anthony did not get this. His parents made him go to Religious education class once a weekend because he went to public school. Anthony then came out to his family as gay when he was around 16 years old. Our faith journeys are very different.

Anthony was born into the Catholic Church; his parents chose his religion for him. He was baptized as a baby and went through the sacraments (baptism, first communion, reconciliation, confirmation). Anthony has always thought of church as being a burden. When he was younger, he never wanted to go to church and, since he went to a public school, his parents made him go to religious education classes and youth group. When Anthony turned 16, he realized he still was not interested in church and decided that his ideas did not align with the Catholic church. Since Anthony was so young, he did not get any say in if he wanted to be a part of the Catholic church or not. When asking Anthony if he wished he got the choice to decide if he wanted to be Catholic or not, he responded by saying, “I would say probably no. Being raised in the Catholic church has opened my eyes to this and is something I don’t really want to be apart of. Even though I might have had a few struggled and I felt a little awkward at times to be part of the church. I think growing up that way really made me realize that I had my own viewpoints separate than my parents and family had,”(3:44). This, for me, was very hard to hear because I was also raised Catholic and went to 16 years of Catholic school. It was heart breaking to hear that Anthony didn’t appreciate Catholicism as much as I do.

Anthony came out as gay in 2015 when he was 16 years old. For Anthony this was hard because he knew that being Catholic and gay was something that was difficult to achieve . A lot of old fashion Catholic’s do not support gays, and Anthony knew this. Anthony knew he had some struggles coming his way. The first people Anthony came out to were his parents. In the interview Anthony said, “My mom was really upset. She started crying and talked about how disadvantaged I was going to be. But my dad could tell. He had an idea and he was more okay with it, I guess you could say. As far as my extended family, I really did not feel like it was necessary because they all lived outside of Texas so I felt like it wouldn’t have made a difference if I came out to them. I really didn’t see a point,” (4:03). Imagine not having your mom not totally on board with your sexuality. That in itself must have been extremely hard. Anthony’s mom since then learned to accept him for who he really is. No one in Anthony’s family knows that he is gay besides his parents and his sister. He isn’t hiding it from his other family he just doesn’t see them and doesn’t find it super important to tell them. In the interview, Anthony said that he waited a while to tell his sister just because they are 15 years apart and he is not that close with her.

I asked Anthony if he would consider himself Catholic and his answer was, “At the moment I do not know. This is something I have struggled with for the pasted few years whenever people ask me what religion I am or if I am Catholic. I just don’t think I should entirely separate myself from the church. I am afraid to do it honestly,”(6:53). Anthony admitted that it is hard being gay and Catholic because he said when he came out, he started to judge the people in his church because he assumed, they were judging him. Anthony now has learned that no one is really judging him and that he is invited and welcomed into his church. Anthony, throughout his life, has struggled being gay. In the interview I asked him how being gay effected his self-image and he said, “I think for a while even after I came out I guess I really didn’t want to be perceived as gay even though I had come out. I just didn’t want to be looked down upon me. I didn’t want people to see me and be like that person is gay. I didn’t have a problem with being gay, I was just afraid of the perception people would have of me. I was afraid people would look less of me or they wouldn’t want to be friends with me because I was gay,”(2:30). This interview was so interesting to me because I have never had to experience wondering if I was accepted in my church or not. I have always just thought I was loved and accepted by my church community. Anthony is a very strong person to have to question whether or not he is accepted at such a young age. Since getting to college, Anthony has realized that he does not get treated differently because of his sexuality. He feels like he is accepted and welcomed at the University of Missouri- Kansas City.

From Summer to Isaiah

Where do I belong?

Where do I fit in?

I feel that I was born in the wrong skin

People make me feel as if I am living in sin

Should I wear clothes that society binds me in?

Maybe I should wear something Feminine

If I did, maybe it would stop my feelings from within

Feeling like I am trapped in a small room where the air is thin

I just want to be me… in my meant to be skin

Shedding the skin to be me Isaiah

Artist’s Statement

Isaiah in front of the transgender flag. All rights reserved.

For my narrative, I have decided to write a poem over my interview with Isaiah Morey. Isaiah is transgender, female to male. I have known him since he was still going by Summer, so about three years. I had seen some of the things that he had gone through while they were happening, but never really knew how bad it was. For example, people were calling him derogatory names, and I had heard this. Someone ripped up his artwork and threw it in the trash, he had spent four months on that piece. He had names written on his locker, and his car vandalized. Having this interview was a very good experience for me. It opened up my eyes to see what really goes on, and I was able to gain insight into his personal convictions and the events that were happening in his life. It really opened my eyes for what transgender people go through on a day to day basis. I have always been a close-minded person, but talking to someone about their experiences in life has changed that for the better. I now look at people through a different lens, and realize that everyone is struggling with something. As for Isaiah, we were mostly just acquaintances, but now we have become very close friends.

The poem is about the personal struggle that Isaiah felt growing up. He felt that he was more masculine than feminine. He started struggling to find who he was as a person early on, around middle school. He had always worn masculine clothes and had his hair cut short even when he was Summer. He never felt that he identified with being a girl or being a lesbian. Even though he felt that he was a man, he went by Summer, his birth name, and lived as a lesbian. He had a lot of trouble with the school that he went to. Isaiah attended a Lutheran high school in Kansas City. The teachers at that school always singled him out and used him as a prop to show kids how not to be. The school put him in at-risk religion classes since the staff said that he had “homosexual tendencies”. The staff wanted him to conform and be who he was born, Summer, a girl. He was kicked out of his own dance for wearing a suit and tie and bringing his girlfriend. When his car, locker, and art were vandalized nothing was done, and the staff even continued to bully him.

The next five lines represent his inner struggle with identity. In the interview, he talked about how he would wear a dress to school just to give it a chance. He was reaffirming that this was the way that it was supposed to be. “I would purposely go and go to school, like wearing a dress or wearing something like really feminine or whatever”[07:37]. The rest of the poem talks about people’s actions and reaction. The students at his school would say hurtful things about him. The students also would vandalize his locker with hateful messages and tear his artwork off the walls. His car was vandalized on multiple occasions, and the school would not do anything about it. There were many instances where the school could have stepped in, but nothing happened. Isaiah was being victimized and nothing was being done, due to the fact that what he believed went against the school’s religion.

Isaiah’s testosterone shots . All rights reserved.

I found this very sad because we are supposed to love all people and help them despite beliefs or personal convictions. All the experiences that Isaiah faced were very unfortunate. He still faces problems like that even though he had graduated and is out of that school. There are instances that happen at work and out in public. Personally, in order to keep this from happening, people need to learn tolerance. We may all have our beliefs but that is no reason to cause emotional or physical harm to another person. This interview has helped me to better understand some of the struggles that transgender people face in the community. If anything, this assignment has taught me to embrace all differences and to advocate for those whose voice is not being heard.

Relating the Narrative Back to Our Course

The Nazis would push their agenda over on the citizens of Germany and surrounding countries persecuting those who were Jewish or homosexual. Since they had power over the people, they would slowly bring in ways to persecute, and it was not all at once. Starting with wearing the star of David stitched into the Jewish peoples clothes, then gradually taking over Jewish owned businesses and rounding them up and even getting the Polish people on board to help turn in Jewish people. In this course we have read and watched content that has depicted this. In Lacombe, Lucien by Louis Malle, Lucien is French but joins the Gestapo to help round up members of the underground. This is an example of the power that Nazis had even over in other countries. Also in Maus by Art Spiegelman, we see Vladek desperately trying to hide his family and survive the Nazis occupying Poland. They receive help from the Polish, but the Polish also start turning Jews in to protect themselves from harm. This is an example of the Nazis influence of non-Jewish people.

Personal art in support of Isaiah. All rights reserved.

Years later we still see persecution in our society. Even though it is not mass genocide like we saw during World War II and the Holocaust, it still continues today. Whether it is a friend, or a story that we see in the media, it exists all around us. As humans we need to treat people with the dignity they deserve. We need to learn to be more open-minded and willing to understand someone’s personal struggle.

Wishing and Praying

Wishing and praying.

Constantly pleading to God that he was something else.

He wanted to be what he was taught was right

So, with that he remained

Wishing and praying.

Hating himself for something he thought he could control,

But it seemed he had no choice.

Why was it wrong if he had no choice?

So, he kept

Wishing and praying.

Trying to hide what he was,

But everyone could tell.

He became bullied, and belittled

Wanting to stop it all from happening, because it must be his fault he thought.

So, he still kept on

Wishing and praying.

Like a caterpillar wishing to turn into a bird.

This was impossible for it wasn’t the caterpillars choice to be what he was,

Convinced he needed to change he kept

Wishing and praying.

His family and church taught that what he was wasn’t right.

That it was possible for the caterpillar to become a bird,

That there should be no caterpillars.

He tried and tried so much he hated himself,

Depressed and broken the caterpillar curled up and built up walls.

There defeated he once more was

Wishing and praying.

Time passed and the caterpillar decided that he needed to accept who he was.

As the caterpillar broke out of this self hate and depression,

He discovered that he had transformed into his true self.

Why had he ever wished and prayed for so long to be something he wasn’t?

He realized he now was a beautiful butterfly!

He had left behind the self hating, wishing, and praying caterpillar.

He loved himself now and that was all that mattered.

Finally free to spread his wings he didn’t care what others thought,

Their opinions were left beneath him.

Why had he ever been wishing and praying?

He was already something so wonderful.

This is a painting done by Ryan himself,

representing him finally expressing his true

colors and venturing out into the unknown.

I was inspired to write this poem the way I did because one of the things during Ryan’s interview that really made an impact on me was when he was talking about how he used to pray to God every night to make him straight. It is sad to know how he thought that he needed to be something that he wasn’t. Also, he thought that he wasn’t enough, which caused him to hate himself until he realized that he is amazing just the way he is and that there is nothing wrong with him. I didn’t mention how he was different literally in the poem because I want whoever reads this to be able to use their own interpretation so that it won’t only apply to those in the LGBTQ. This is because there are so many differences out there that I feel this poem should represent too, and by writing it the way I did anyone could identify with it. I used the simile of him being a caterpillar wanting to be a bird showing that what he wanted couldn’t happen because he wasn’t meant to be a bird or straight. This representation of his struggles was inspired by Maus by Art Spiegelman because he uses animals to represent the different kinds of people in his book. For my poem, I am using the birds to represent straight people, caterpillars to represent closeted LGBTQ people, and butterflies to represent people who accept themselves and feel free to be who they really are. The caterpillar in the poem is when Ryan was in that stage of hating and denying himself he hadn’t realized who he really was yet. When he said he would pray to god every night and that he was trying to hide from everyone that he was gay. This is why he turns into a butterfly to express that he is free now because he realizes who he truly is and that it is okay for him to express himself. After all, that time where he felt trapped inside because of the fear of what other people would think, Ryan was finally free to be who he was made to be.

Different Stands Out

Different in society stands out no matter what the difference is. Being a different sexuality than what is considered the norm at a young age is a mountain to climb, especially when your twelve years old. The bullying or the shunning of family and friends can be detrimental to someone so young. Many things can occur when a young pre-teen is shunned for being different. Things from suicide to self-harm and severe depression. Caoilfhinn knew when she was in 6^th grade that having a crush on a girl classmate might stir up drama and trouble in her life, but she couldn’t help how much she liked Hailey.

Caoilfhinn woke up at 7:00 for school, hit snooze on her alarm clock, and wiped the sleep from her eyes as she stared at the ceiling. Once she had the drive to get out of bed, she slowly dragged herself to the bathroom and looked at her wild, short, blonde hair sticking up in the air. Caoilfhinn could hear her mother calling her name, but she ignored her and finished brushing her teeth. Getting dressed was a totally different issue. She stared at the clothes in her closet, then finally decide to just wear yoga pants and a T-Shirt to school. Caoilfhinn could hear her mother calling her again saying she was going to miss the bus, so Caoilfhinn gathered her energy, grabbed her backpack, and ran right out the door. She never bothered to even try and eat breakfast because she got up too late to even make a piece of toast. How pathetic she thought to herself as she climbed on the bus. Caoilfhinn’s stop was always the first one in the morning, so she got to pick where ever she wanted to sit which was always the same seat. The left side 11^th seat in the bus is where she always sat. It had a musky feel to it, but it was hers.

BSSD, Picture of Brittany Hill Middle School, Blue Springs, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

She starts to think about how one day she found some skinny 6th grader in her seat and how she gave him the foulest look she could come up with until he moved out. Caoilfhinn was indeed a very nice person, but she liked to sit where she sat every day since the first day of middle school. She put her headphones in and started listening to some rock music that she couldn’t put a name to. When the bus arrived at school, she would be the last one to jump out and head for her locker as fast as her feet could carry her. She threw her backpack in her locker a little more harshly than she had meant and made her way down the impossibly long hallway to her first class, 6th-grade architecture. The class was fun; they built bridges, cars, and played with online simulations, but the best part of that class to Caoilfhinn was Hailey. Hailey was tall with long brunette hair and coffee brown eyes that Caoilfhinn couldn’t help but notice each time she walked in the room. Caoilfhinn couldn’t explain the way she felt about her; she just knew that she had a hard crush for her. She noticed that crush on the second day of class when they were talking, and she hadn’t gotten rid of the feeling since. Hailey walked into class and sat next to Caoilfhinn and asked how she was doing. “Good as I can get for being in the school at eight in the morning. What about you?”

“Same here I guess, I was almost late because I missed the bus and forgot my lunch.”

“Ha how did you manage that.”

“I honestly don’t know at this point I think I’m losing my mind slowly and methodically.”

They both laughed as the teacher walked in and started teaching some nonsense about an architect computer simulation. Caoilfhinn had no interest in paying attention so she started day dreaming about swimming with some friends when schools out. The class ended and Hailey had said a quick goodbye and left faster than usual. Caoilfhinn practically ran to her second-period class which was orchestra. It was her favorite class; most of her friends were in the class and she got to play the violin. Today, since it was a day after a concert, they would play hide the bow and eat some food. Kristen was walking on to the stage at the same time as her and said good morning. “Hey Ca-waffle, what’s up?” Ca-waffle was her nickname that her friends called her because of the way her name was spelled. Caoilfhinn was pronounced (Kay-Len) but her mother gave her an Irish spelling to her name, so her friends nicknamed her Ca-waffle after seeing the way her name was spelled. She loved the nickname her friends gave her because it made her feel accepted and unique to her peers. “Nothing much Kristen but we should for real pick up the pace or we’re going to be late again.”

Caoilfhinn Fulkerson, Filtered Picture of Caoilfhinn, Blue Springs, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

“Ugh story of my life Ca-waffle.” Kristen gave one of her specialty eye rolls as they picked up the pace. “You would think one day you two would be on time.” Hannah said. She was another good friend and violinist. “Well today is not that day and setting up a cello takes so long I don’t even know why I bother anymore.” Kristen said with a tired sigh.

The orchestra played hide the bow and ate food while watching a recording of their performance the night before. Caoilfhinn took off to her other classes for the day until 7th period which was canceled for the school talent show, then Caoilfhinn sat next to Katelyn, a girl she had been itching to talk to since her crush on Hailey developed. Katelyn was open about her feeling about boys and girls so Caoilfhinn wanted some advice from her. Caoilfhinn also wanted Katelyn to tell some stories and share experiences with her the way Artie wanted Vladek to share his stories in Maus so he can better understand. During the performances, Caoilfhinn told her she had feelings for Hailey and Katelyn responded with pleasure. “Good for you Ca-waffle, there isn’t nothing you should freak out about, your perfectly normal.” After school was out Caoilfhinn made her way home and told her mom and one of her friends that she had feelings for both boys and girls. They both supported her and told Caoilfhinn she was perfect the way she was.

ShutterShock.com “Rainbow in a Forest” Animated Picture Art, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

The next morning, she got on the bus and went to school but something seemed off. People were staring at her when she walked in the hall and she couldn’t figure out why until one of her best friends Ashley came running up to her. “YOU’RE BI!” Ashley exclaimed. “Yea, how did you know?” Caoilfhinn asked with panic setting in her stomach. “Dude everyone in the school knows now,” Ashley said with a more hushed tone. Great Katelyn can’t keep her trap shut for one day. All of a sudden Logan and a couple of his buddies were in the hallway, they were the meanest kids in the entire school. They spotted Ashley and Caoilfhinn talking together and started shouting that they were gay for each other and the new grossest couple in the school. A few kids laughed and the others just looked away and headed to class and that’s how the year of hell began. The relentless teasing from those boys went on for a year and the thought that Ashley and Caoilfhinn were a couple. During that year Hailey stopped talking to Caoilfhinn completely and she even switched out of their architecture class. One day Ashley and Caoilfhinn were sitting together and those boys really went in deep for them. “Look at the lesbian couple at table 12,” the short one said they all started to laugh but the girls became experts at ignoring their insults. “Hey, why the hell can’t you mind your own freaking business!” Kristen yelled as she and Hannah were huffing to the table.

Kristen Ballhurst, Filtered Picture of Caoilfhinn and Kristen, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

The boys just laughed some more and returned to their food. “Sorry about that you guys, I can’t believe people think your dating just because Ca-waffle is bi.” Hannah huffed. “It’s ok I honestly didn’t expect me coming out would have such an effect on the on me or the people around me, but I’m sorry to say that I don’t care. I am who I am. If they can’t understand that, then they can suck my big toe,” Caoilfhinn said as she ate an old sandwich. “There ain’t nothing to be sorry about and if they do have issues, then they can suck all of our big toes.” Ashley laughed the part out while eating her salad.

That year was hell for Caoilfhinn mostly just because of those group of boys. Being different from the rest of her peers stood out in a way she never thought possible. The boys found new targets for their teasing and her world seemed to go back to normal. That 6th grade year changed her life forever and the friends that stuck by her side were there through high school. Looking back on that year she was happy she was able to ignore those boys and just be able to get through that year with her friends. Being different from the people who surround you is hard for anyone. Although Caoilfhinn would never consider changing herself for any one, she always knew that different stands out and that’s a good thing.

ShutterShock.com, ”Ice Rainbow” Animated Picture Art, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

One Name of Many

Victoria Lynn Garsow is just one person among many who have come out as being bisexual

Ignoring that you think you might be gay does not make the feeling go away (00:43)

Courage is something Victoria has had to develop because she has faced discrimination for trying to be herself

Today, people like Victoria still face hatred just for being different from the norm

Openly admitting who you really are is not easy for a lot of people including Victoria

Reacting in a positive way when someone tells you they are bi helps them know it is not something to be ashamed of

Integrity: what we lose when we forget to think of the consequences of our actions towards others

Adjusting to the way people think of you was not something that came easy to Victoria because she felt she had to present herself in a certain way

Lots of people Victoria states, do not act out of anger towards homosexuality but out of ignorance (19:03)

Yelling derogatory terms at someone makes them scared to express who they really are (9:08)

Negligence is common with people in positions of authority if they do not as Victoria stated,”think and act with empathy towards other people” (20:42)

Not only can Victoria’s story apply to other people trying to come out but to anyone facing adversity

Gossiping about other people’s differences, like sexuality, is still wrong even if it is not said straight to their face (12:22)

Accepting the fact that you cannot control who you love is like accepting the fact that you cannot control what people think of you (17:39)

Realizing that a relationship with God does not depend on your sexuality is something Victoria has come to understand (5:30)

Standing on a stage, as Victoria does, in a theater production helps her embrace her individuality

Ostracizing has occurred in societies that refuse to accept others for who they are but when stories like Victoria’s are told it makes it that much harder for people like her to be excluded

Whenever you meet someone like Victoria she is an example of how one rock can create a ripple effect

Portrait of Victoria Lynn Garsow holding a butterfly, Kansas City, May 2018. All Rights Reserved.

I interviewed my roommate Victoria Garsow on February 28th, 2019, in the apartment in which we live. Victoria is different from me in the fact that she is bisexual. She is a freshman theater major here at UMKC and an aspiring high school theater teacher. She was born in Belton, Missouri and is currently eighteen years old. Victoria states that she grew up in a very conservative family but that they were really supportive when she came out as bisexual. In writing this poem I wanted to highlight how certain people are not accepted in this world because of certain differences. I used Victoria’s full name to make my acrostic poem to show that the people who are affected by discrimination are regular people and have a name just like any other person. I have only known Victoria a little under eight months. I am very appreciative of this interview because we have grown closer because of it and now I understand more of what she has been through. Before talking with her I really did not know what people went through when they came out as bisexual. My poem is not just inspired by Victoria’s story but by all individuals who face discrimination on a daily basis.

Another influence that I had while writing this poem was Alain Resnais’s 1955 film Night and Fog. My poem relates to the film because Alain Resnais wanted to make a film with a theme that could be applied to other situations not just those within the Holocaust. For my poem, I too wanted a theme that could be applied to not only one individual but to society as a whole.

Some of the words that I used in my poem were from the interview that I conducted with Victoria. I included the word ignoring because when Victoria first started having feelings for a girl, she tried to ignore them. She acted like the feelings were not there but that obviously did not make them go away. The word ignorance is used because when I asked what advice Victoria would give someone in a similar situation she said, “I would say have patience because whenever people act out with things such as being angry at homosexuality, I feel like they aren’t actually acting out of anger but out of ignorance.” (19:03) Some people have certain thoughts without even knowing why and they simply do not understand someone that is different from them. In my interview, I asked Victoria to describe a specific incident in which she felt unsafe or unwelcome at some point in her life because of being bisexual. She described a time when a guy in her high school was yelling derogatory terms at her as she was walking down the hallway, and that is why I included that in my poem (9:08). I used the word gossiping because Victoria has worried and still does occasionally about people talking bad about her behind her back. She stated this: “What if people are thinking mean things, they just aren’t saying them?” (12:22) Obviously, that is a justified comment because we are all at fault for talking about someone behind their back at some point in our lives although that does not make it right. One of my favorite things that Victoria stated in the interview was, “I always thought that yeah you can control who you love but yeah no you can’t control who you love.” (17:39) The reason I like this quote so much and why I put it in my poem is because it is such a true statement for any individual whether they are gay or straight. When talking about homosexuality, someone’s relationship with God is something that gets brought up. A lot of the time people who are gay are not welcomed by their religion because that religion does not accept them. Victoria faced this issue and says, “So, I kind of struggled with my image there, where I was like have I lost my faith, or am I not a Christian anymore because I am gay? Which that is not true because you can still be a Christian and have feelings for someone of the same sex.” (5:30)

The last thing I would like to explain is when I put in the word negligence. I asked Victoria if she believed society could become more tolerant. She is talking about political figures when she states, “I feel like if we do get other people in power that genuinely love America and genuinely love everybody as a whole, who think and act with empathy towards other people then hopefully we will become more tolerant.” (20:42) This answer is very important because when it comes to people in power making decisions out of hate instead of having love for everyone this is what is leading America in the wrong direction. It would be very sad and disappointing after all the progress that has taken place with people accepting individuals in the LGBTQ community for someone in power to come along and take all that away.

As I have stated before I have not known Victoria that long, but I can say that we have become such amazing friends in this short amount of time. Based on my participant observation while living with her, I have realized that she is truly one of the nicest, funniest, caring, and most accepting people I have ever met.