Acceptance – From Us To Them

Islam and its Stereotypes

The interview I had with Omar Aldaei was enlightenment on a very personal level. During this interview, I was able to gather adequate information on the issue of religion. Moreover, I was able to get first hand information from the interviewee and create personal assumptions. In this essay, I will furthermore discuss the topics that we talked about in the interview and give personal insights in regards to the same.

In regards to what religion is, Omar said, “I think religion is a system of faith, and worship, where many people have subscribed to.” (03: 17) Personally, I agree with his explanation because people of different faiths subscribe to different religions and with time, they develop faith in this religion and begin to worship their idol. We also discussed the issue of Islam and whether Omar had a hand in how he became a Muslim. He was born in a family of Muslims and due to the belief of his family’s teachings, he decided to remain in the religion. “Since when I was young, all I have known about religion is Islam. My parents were born Muslims, my grandparents were Muslims, and the entire line of family were Muslims. I chose to stay in this religion because I believe in their teachings and because I think this is the only true religion.” (05: 30)

In my opinion, I believe most people continue believing in the religion they were brought up into and only a small percentage of individuals change their religion; mostly in their adult life.

In the interview, Omar talked about how he had begun figuring his Islamic religion from the tender age of thirteen. “I figured out what my religion entailed when I was thirteen. This is the time I had more questions about religion than answers, and I usually get religion advice from the Imam or from my parents. At that age, I saw what entails humanity, by seeing how religion helps the poor, and the suffering in the society, I surely wanted to be part of.”(07:00)

During this time, he had started questioning issues including religion which was directed to his family. He adds how he learned about humanity and the concept of helping the poor and the society at large and how he desired to be a part of it. I believe actions in religion are what either pull an individual closer or further away from said religion. In most cases, people want to be involved with a religion that “does the right things” and most of these are what attracts people in a religion. In the case of Omar, seeing that his religion did the right things made him want to be more involved. On the topic of misconception about the Islamic religion, Omar defines it as faith and not a place of ignorance or superstition. He also adds how religion has been there for thousands of years and will continue to be practiced. I also believe that religion is not a superstition but a practice done by people with a certain faith towards a certain idol.

On the issue of discrimination in the interview, Omar admitted being discriminated against and he also talked about how other Muslim individuals had faced the same. In his examples of scenarios of discrimination, Omar admitted to being labeled as a terrorist and people not wanting to be involved with him. Personally, I have also been treated as a terrorist on many occasions due to the fact that I am also a Muslim. Non-Muslims judge us based on our way of dressing which gives off an illusion of “a person we are not” and this creates difficult situations for Muslims. Omar also talked about being denied certain utilities and employment opportunities. It’s also evident that Muslims are sometimes denied access to clothes stores or jewelry stores because of the fear of bringing terror. Moreover, our dressing discourages us from getting employment opportunities due to false suspicions or due to the false fear non-Muslims have against Muslims. The problem with some intolerant non-Muslims is that they make assumptions that since the statistic of Muslims being involved with terrorism is higher than other religions, they pass the same judgment onto other innocent Muslims.

When I asked Omar about how the Islamic religion has impacted his life, he talked about the positive effect on issues such as his education, beliefs, principles, and character which was passed down from his parents and also how other people misjudge his religion when they believe Islam does not advocate for peace. Even with Omar explaining to non-Muslims how peaceful his religion is, he still feels how others misjudge his religion. This again boils down to how people believe that all Muslims are terrorists and with this fear, some of these non-Muslims have no faith that a Muslim can be peaceful. According to Omar, he believes the Islamic religion is the worship of the true god based on your beliefs, principles, topics with the end times, and what humanity entails. He also added how his religion made him freer in his daily activities. Personally, I believe every religion taken by an individual creates an environment of peace and the feeling of satisfaction hence Omar feeling freer in his religion. In addition, on the concept of Islam being a true religion, I believe every religion comes with its principles and truths which is what constitutes to a religion.

In relation to what religion felt close to Islamic, Omar talked about Christianity and how stories in the Bible and Quran are similar. I have also felt that Muslims and Christians have a similar history and both religions seem to have a few beliefs and principles in common. Omar believed that religion was the only way to live in a conflict-free environment and in harmony with different people from different religions. This may be true, but excluding everything else can be hard to keep people in harmony. This is because a sizeable percentage of individuals do not believe in any religion which means that if we were to only use religion to create a livable environment, some people would not want to be a part of it and there would be no continuous peace from all humanity.

In the interview, I decided to ask Omar what would lead me into his religion despite me being a part of it. He answered by saying his religion had good teachings and beliefs which from a personal level, I would agree to. I believe that this religion is as wonderful as other religions out there, and no religion is better than the other despite the beliefs. Despite the many beliefs portrayed and practiced by different religions, I believe that everyone should be engaged in a religion where they feel comfortable and that their beliefs can be of benefit to their lives. According to Omar, he grew up only knowing the Islamic religion which is what has led him to be comfortable with the religion based on its principles such as when he talked about how as a thirteen-year-old, he witnessed how his religion helped the poor. As stated before, religion is not only an institution but also what actions are depicted by its followers. Ethically, we can all differentiate from what is wrong and right. If a person believes a certain action is wrong in a religion, they are most likely not to be involved; however, if the person does not have any moral standards or beliefs, he/she can get involved with any religion. In the case of the Islamic religion, there is the belief of peace, helping the poor and being kind. This religion also follows strict rules based on morals and this is what creates a livable environment among the believers. However, I believe everyone has the opportunity to choose a suitable religion for themselves.

Fictional Narrative

Sitting down on the copious garden bench, I could tell from his body posture that he was trying to compose himself for the forthcoming event. The sun brightly shone, but the pedunculate oak tree was keeping us from direct exposure. As Hussain sat with his legs crossed and his mind open to my questions, he recalled his past experiences and all the troubles he has faced up to this point in his life. When I appreciated him for making it to the conversation and then introduced him to the topic of the day, he nodded his head and uttered, “I am honored to be here. At least I can clear things out to my fellow Muslim brothers who live hiding away from themselves.” He spoke with so much confidence; that of someone who has undergone a process a hundred times if not a thousand and is now sufficiently confident about every tiny detail that is entailed in the whole process. As his eyes grew stale and his mind wandered off into a long past world, he slowly recollected how his sex life has evolved.

Hussain gets the desire to quench his thirst which could have resulted from the direct questions that he had encountered and that were also yet to come (3:25). So I present him with a bottle full of water and he sips a big gulp. He then confidently says his age, which is 23 years, and that he is a male who is a Muslim by faith who goes to the mosque to pray and he is currently in a gay relationship. Hussain is originally from UAE, but he is now a legal US citizen which he attained with the help of his partner who directed him on the correct offices to visit and procedures to undertake. On the relationship status of him and his partner, Hussain says, “We are planning for a long term relationship that probably will lead to our marriage. It has been a difficult journey to reach where we are. We love one another and I hope everything will turn out right.”

Hussain discovered that he was gay at a very tender age. He can vividly remember that he was depressed and could not find himself in a position to talk much, so he spent most of his time in his room when he was in his 5^th grade. This is understandable when someone, especially a young boy, notices that the society is not in appreciation of his own interest and therefore always tends to take refuge in his private company, away from anyone. Hussain started to notice some differences in himself and his normalcy. He was gradually learning to stay away from his old male friends, and he was no longer enjoying their company and their endless stories. On the contrary, he could admire what the girls were doing and could find himself getting drawn to them. Back at home, he had started hating the boy gifts that his dad could bring him every time he had a visit. Since her mum never wanted his only boy to tarnish her name in any way, he had always promised to get him a cute outfit every time he performed well in his class. Hussain had never failed to impress his mother because he was still the top; if not, the second best. During this time, he had topped and therefore, as usual, his mom had to get him the newest outfit in town. However, this time something strange and weird happened; he did not like it despite how elegant it looked, but he never shared this with anyone.

I am now almost at the peak of the conversation, and it continues to get better and better. I needed to know about the chronological timings, how long Hussain had been aware of his sexual orientation. Hussain said, “Okay, to realize that I was not the same as boys of my age [which implies noticing he was gay], I was 12 years old. However, to be involved in a gay relationship I was about 16 years old.” Noticing that that was a very tender age, there was no way he could have managed that by himself, there must have been someone who helped him out. And sure enough, the first person who introduced Hussain to his first gay relationship was his high school teacher. Mr. Omar, Hussain’s Math teacher, called him and asked if he could join him in his office for a talk. Previously, they had done a surprise test, and he did not feel comfortable with it, so he was certain that he was five minutes away from being scolded due to poor performance. But to his surprise, he was astonished by what the teacher had prepared for him. The teacher told him that he had keenly noted that he was different from other students and that he was also hiding from who he was. This left Hussain mouth wide open; he could not believe his ears. Did that come from his Mathematics teacher whom they never had anything in common apart from a lecture? He did not have a comeback to that, so the best option was to storm out of the office. However, the teacher was not the type to accept defeat; he called him yet again after two weeks and asked if he ever thought about what they talked about in their last meeting. This was ironic because it was a one-way traffic conversation, and whatever that was, it was nowhere near a meeting. But Hussain gave in with one condition: they were not to carry the conversation in school. So, the teacher quickly asked, “can you make time tomorrow and we meet in town?” Hussain accepted, and they met where he opened up about everything and that was the very first person that he ever told about his sexual realm, and also became the first person who introduced him to his first gay relationship.

“Personally, I encountered extensive prejudice and discrimination back at home in the UAE because of my sexual orientation. Given the fact that gay relationships in the UAE are not widely known and considered evil in society, I could not manage coming out or even exhibiting any sign of being in a same-sex relationship. Here in the US, it is an open society; however, there is severe antigay prejudice including verbal harassment.” This was the reply that Hussain gave when I asked him what role prejudice and discrimination played in his life as a gay person. He could very well remember one Friday evening when he had just come out of a bar that goes by the name Bistro 303. Taking just a few steps, certain individuals severely insulted them claiming that they were agents of Satan and that they were mutilating the society.

Standing up and taking a few steps around the bench, his height could now be revealed as opposed to when he was seated. He bit his right thumbnail and said, “Actually, prejudice and discrimination have a wide range of impacts, including social and personal impact. This is reflected in everyday stereotypes that are persistent within the society. Gays are limited to job opportunities, parenting as well as relationship recognition are justified by stereotypic assumptions about gays.” I could tell from his facial expression and body movement that he felt that sink in him. However, his face could change like a switch because when I introduced a topic on family, his face lit up and he put on a smile. He said, “…I am a big fan of family and having children is one of my future obligations. I think we will talk about it with my partner. Our relationship is two years old and we are taking things slow. When the time comes, possibly after our marriage, is when we will have children.” From his face, you could see determination and hope. I thanked Hussain for his time and I joined him in standing as we shook hands and bid goodbye to one another (30:45).

Learning Love and Acceptance

Maya Baughn, Entry way to Mid-Continent Public Library -North Independence Branch where the interview was conducted, February 2019, All rights reserved.

On the day of my interview with Alex, the sky was gloomy, and it was raining. The library was framed in grey which made the pale yellow stand out. During our interview, I kept remembering how he used to be when we first met. His story touched my heart, and I realized how little I knew about gender identity and sexuality. Being a firm believer in education, Alex explained a lot of things to me and having that information compelled me to spread awareness too.

Alex has been my friend since eighth grade. I remember when he still used his dead name and tried dating girls to express how he felt. He had long dirty blonde hair with blue streaks that framed his face because of his middle part. For Alex, the indifference he experienced stemmed from his gender identity, not his sexuality, so no matter how many girls he dated there was still a chasm which needed to be filled. He wouldn’t find out until we were juniors in high school what filling that chasm truly meant to him, he wanted to be loved and accepted like anyone in high school does. However, when Alex found a way to express his true self (when he gained the knowledge to describe what he’d been going through since childhood) most people turned him into a joke. The change did not come easily – I can still hear how others taunted him when I think about walking down the main hallway of our high school. Insults echo over the chatter and background noise; I can’t imagine how loudly the insults echo in Alex’s mind. Alex chose to plant himself and grow where very few people loved and accepted him.

Maya Baughn, One of Alex’s favorite photos of himself taken at his home before the interview, February 2019, All rights reserved.

When I asked Alex his biggest challenge growing up, he explained, “I didn’t fit in with the guys because obviously, I was a girl so it was like ah I belong with the boys but they don’t want me.” (01:31) It’s as if children are seeds, all different shapes and sizes, with the potential to grow into anything, yet they’re still categorized based on their gender. His family held tight to this notion that an individual must be one or the other; boy or girl. So, growing up, when all the girls would gather to play, Alex would join them even though he longed to be with the boys. Boys did the things Alex liked doing too, but they were unaccepting which left Alex alone most of the time. For quite a long time Alex didn’t know he was meant to be male, he just thought he was a tomboy.

In our senior year, Alex and I took a creative writing class for dual credit. It was the first class we had together since sophomore year, and the distance between us was clear. Regardless, I noticed him and talked with him to bridge the gap. He didn’t wear all the negative things he’d been through like I expected, he just remained kind and understanding of all my questions. Transgender, this is who Alex is, but it is not everything Alex is. When he learned about his gender so much of his life was explained. Long hair, a high-pitched voice, and a soft chest weren’t suited to him, but they weren’t things he could easily change. So, I asked “how does your gender impact your everyday life?” in order to understand all the effort he puts into expressing himself (04:07). Every day Alex puts a decent chunk of time into presenting himself a certain way to be perceived as male. The long hair was cut short, he made his voice deeper, and his soft chest was compressed by a binder. All these things helped him gain some confidence in himself; however, confidence is only part of the battle. Depending on the place Alex must decide which restroom to use during his transition. He explained, “At work and certain places I’ll go into the men’s room because ya know that’s where I belong but in places like high school I would go into the women’s restroom because it wasn’t safe.” (04:51) Being transgender has an unnatural number of challenges Alex faces every day, the biggest of which being the unacceptance from peers and other individuals.

Body dysphoria plays a huge role in how Alex feels about himself. The disease does not treat him well, it makes him extremely uncomfortable with his body unless he’s made himself look, act, and sound more manly. He discussed overcoming this feeling as learning “dysphoria is not self-hate, it is not that I hate my body, it’s just that it doesn’t fit me.” (21:48) Alex has prevailed through some of his dysphoria and the anxiety that manifests with it because he knows he can be healthy and be himself. One day, to help himself with the processing of overcoming, he explored the men’s restroom at Independence Center. This was finally his chance to use the restroom he was meant to use. At first, it was great; he went in feeling triumphant, and he was well on his way to blossoming into his true self. Two big, brute fellas in flannels and cowboy boots stopped Alex as he exited the bathroom stall. Alex felt terrified, yet he reminded himself to remain calm. After all, he had just started growing to accept himself and had finally figured out what eases his mind. These men were mean, and scary. They pushed Alex down, forcing him onto a cold, dirty bathroom floor, making him feel horrible and incredibly unaccepted. Alex remembers the situation as the men “beat me to a pulp almost. . . they called me a tranny and more disgusting words after they beat me up because I wasn’t like a guy. I wasn’t a cis man.” (07:55) Some people tried to help, they thought Alex should go to the hospital to make sure he wasn’t severely hurt or physically broken. Alex didn’t go, he wanted to pretend that the whole incident never happened.

Later, Alex was at work when he finally passed out because of all the trauma he had suffered. He didn’t open up to anyone about what happened though until all the wounds had fully healed. There came a day, almost two years later, when Alex had to write a creative nonfiction piece for the creative writing class we took together. This piece was going to be his way to finally talk about what happened, and it would expose the horrors he experienced while just trying to be true to himself. First, he proposed the idea to all his new friends, the ones he had made through work that loved and accepted him for his true self. Before this, they had no idea about his experience, and when they found out they were upset they didn’t know sooner. His friends gave him the love he needed to finish healing and grow into a beautiful person. Exactly the kind of person he was meant to be. From his experience, Alex has acquired the courage to tell his story, stand up for himself more, and to even stand up for others.

Alex and I have come a long way in the last six years. He made it clear during the interview that he has learned a lot of things he wants to pass on to help people accept what they do not understand. Education can transform how everyone thinks and it is an important tool. The final questions I asked Alex dealt with what he wants others to know about the transgender community and how people could be more tolerant. A key component of tolerance is recognizing that transgender individuals are valid and real. He said, “Mostly just by talking about it [gender identity], that would erase a lot of fear.” (29:49)

Not Their Cup of Tea

Millie Leonhard, Mason’s Home in Kansas, Olathe. Google June 2012. Copyright Free.

Present Day in Kansas City

When the doorbell rang, Mason was busy cleaning the house as he had always done on his day off. He opened the door to a slight, young woman bundled up against the Kansas winter. He didn’t usually have unanticipated visitors, especially in his quiet cul-de-sac nestled in suburban Olathe.

“Hi, my name is Lindsay. I’m with 41 Action News. I’ve heard that there is an unlicensed, homeless shelter that is operating out of the church behind your home. Have you seen anything suspicious lately?” she inquired.

Mason had actually seen some unusual activity in their family-oriented neighborhood: a drunk man passed out on a neighbor’s porch, one of the homeless had gotten aggressive when the neighborhood refused to let him shovel driveways for cash–but Mason didn’t mention that. He wasn’t one to be in the spotlight.

“No, I haven’t particularly seen anything out of the ordinary,” Mason stated.

“Well, if you happen to think of anything feel free to give me a call,” Lindsay stated handing Mason her business card.

“We are looking for people in the area to do interviews if they know information about the homeless shelter and its effects on the neighborhood.”

Mason thought for a moment, Oh, well interviews? Liam would love that.

While Mason was a bit introverted and content to keep to himself, his partner, Liam, was the opposite–an extrovert who relished the spotlight and loved to embellish. The perfect candidate for a conservative Kansas news station story about the homeless infiltrating the suburbs.

“Actually if you’re looking for people to interview my husband should be home around seven tonight. He’s more up to speed on the community on-goings and I’m sure he would love to talk to you.”

Mason watched the reporter’s eyes light up as if he’d just told her she’d won a lump sum of cash. He thought, Oh, yeah. I bet this seems great for her. Gays in the suburbs of conservative Kansas. Guess you don’t see that on every block.

Lindsay said emphatically, “I’d love to speak with your husband! Here’s my card. Make sure he calls me the moment he gets home.”

“I’ll be sure to do that. Have a great afternoon, Lindsay,” Mason said as he closed the front door. Turning around to go upstairs, he couldn’t help but feel as though he was something to be gawked at after his interaction with the reporter.

He began to wash the dishes as he peered out the frosted kitchen window and pondered his life in the past few months. This was different than Chicago, but it was a silent different. It was verbal attacks as he grew up, maybe a beer thrown at him, but here he dealt with the silent, passive abhorrence.

MIllie Leonhard. Mason’s Southside Home, Chicago. Google 2018. Copyright Free.

Growing up Gay

“Andrew, turn up the music! We need to get pumped for the club!” Mason said.

It was that time of year in Chicago when the weather was finally turning from a frozen tundra to where life could begin to creep back into the streets. Mason and his friend, Andrew, were cruising down a bumpy road on the Southside with all the windows down, letting the spring breeze guide their mood as they made the trek to Boystown. Upon Mason’s request, Andrew turned up the Britney Spears song, “Hit Me Baby One More Time”, and the two of them began to sing along. Apparently, this was the wrong choice.

As they glided up to a red stop light, a large SUV pulled up beside them and four men jumped out.

“The fuck you fags think you’re doing playing that music around here?”

Before the seventeen-year-old boys had time to think, the men jumped on the car from the passenger and driver’s side. The car began to rock and they were reaching for the boys.

“Drive! Drive! DRIVE,” Mason said emphatically. Andrew pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor running through the red light. The men fell away and became smaller and smaller as the boys looked back. With their hearts racing, they looked at each other with wild eyes. No more playing Britney Spears that loudly on the rough Southside.

Growing up Latino

How could he forget? How? It was the midterm for crying out loud!

Mason had just gotten back to his apartment after a long day. He plopped down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table gearing up to watch a guilty pleasure: Friends. All of the sudden it came racing back to him. FUCK. The midterm.

His feet were on the ground before he knew it and he was racing to his desktop to figure out what the essay was supposed to be about. Culinary school usually focused on execution but this time he needed to write. It was already almost midnight but the paper was due at ten in the morning. He had no time to waste. Mason stayed up all night and when the sun was coming up over the lake, he was typing the last page. Groggy as hell, he trudged to class with the paper in hand.

As he walked in and set the paper down on the front desk his instructor said, “What’s this?”

“That’s my midterm,” stated Mason.

“Oh, well it’s not due for another week. Are you ready to turn it in?”

Damn it. I mixed up dates, Mason thought. But he was confident in his work. “Yeah, it’s ready.”

The instructor accepted the paper and told Mason he would have it graded in a few days.

A few days later, the instructor came into class and told everyone that Mason had received an A on his midterm. If they would like to see what an A paper looked like, he would leave the paper out on the desk so they could take a look. After many of the students had taken time to go over the paper, one girl decided to speak up.

She raised her hand and stated, “Well, I don’t understand how he could get an A if he doesn’t even know how to fucking speak English.”

Mason, shocked, immediately felt the red hot pulse of embarrassment envelop his being. I earned that grade. I worked my ass off. I stayed up ALL night. So what if I don’t sound like you, Mason thought.

However, Mason had to put up with this reaction multiple times; he just wanted to fit in. This wore him down until he decided he would work to get rid of his Latino accent.

He regretfully succeeded.

Remembering What We Built

Liam came home to find Mason scrubbing the floors vigorously, which Mason usually will resort to doing when he’s stressed out. He could tell that something triggered him.

“Honey, how was your day?” Liam asked.

“Fine. Some reporter came by. She wants to know about the homeless shelter. Thought maybe you’d like to talk to her,” Mason stated without looking up.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“It’s just different here, Liam. I know this is your hometown. Sometimes it’s hard to deal with. It’s so different than Chicago. They judge silently…they find ways to make me feel as though I’m wrong for who I am,” Mason said as he slumped back against a cabinet.

“Hey, do you remember when those assholes followed us, called us fags, and threw beer bottles at us when we were walking home in Chicago one night?” Liam inquired softly while climbing down to meet Mason on the hardwood.

“Yeah.”

“Remember what happened? I wanted to run. You told me no. You said we needed to keep walking and don’t look back at them,” Liam said.

“And we haven’t looked back. We have pushed forward. No matter who told us that we were wrong,” he continued. At that moment, Liam started up their home sound system with Mason’s favorite song, “In My Feelings” while he grabbed Mason’s hands and pulled him to his feet. Then, he began to sing along loudly. Mason looked at Liam, cracked a side smile and laughed, letting go of his worries.

Mason and Liam built a home. Unapologetic, they built a loving relationship. More often than not, people have been judgmental of their differences, and the world may not change for them. Mason thought, I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I’ve learned to be okay with that.

Pride in Kansas City

By Anonymous Student (not Prof. Bergerson)

It is so fascinating to think about the fact that within our country, each state has such a different culture and way of living life. I think it is mind blowing to learn that things from the political climate to the phrases people say can be wildly different from state to state yet we all fall under a common label: citizens of the United State of America. This was a reality I first became confronted with when I moved from Southern California to Sedalia, Missouri about a year ago. Shifting from a raging liberal state to a raging conservative state was quite the challenge. Something that I really took for granted is the fact that members of the LGBTQIA+ community in the midwest are often ostracized, harassed, and hated. This was shocking to me, due to the fact that where I am from everyone from every walk of life is accepted. The LGBTQIA+ community is even celebrated where I’m from. When I came to UMKC I immediately noticed a positive shift in the attitude towards different people in a way that I had not seen in more rural Missouri. In my Discourse 100 class, I met an individual named Raine Briscoe, who I ended up becoming close friends with. Raine identifies as a transgender male. Something that made him really stick out to me in class was the fact that he was so open about his sexuality and was unashamedly himself. I immediately knew I wanted to get to know him better so that I could get a sense of what things are like for people of the LGBTQIA+ community in the Midwest. I was able to interview him on February 28, 2019 in the Miller Nichols Learning Center. From this interview I hoped to gain a personal and insightful perspective into what life is like as a transgender person in conservative America. In the interview, Raine shared stories about his experiences with things ranging from harassment at school to being misidentified on a daily basis, to the acceptance he feels on the UMKC campus in particular.

Raine grew up in a fairly typical household. His parents divorced when he was around six, and his parents shared 50/50 custody for the remainder of his adolescence. Raine has one older sister, and they both grew up in the suburbs of Liberty, Missouri. When I inquired as to how old he was when he started to notice that he might be transgender, he was able to trace it back to the age of seven. Rained recalled watching Dancing with the Stars with his mother and seeing Chaz Bono, who is a transgender male, and also legendary pop star, Cher’s son. When his mother explained to him that Chaz was transgender, and what that meant, he distinctly remembered the acceptance and welcoming tone that his mother used. She made it very clear that what Chaz did was absolutely something that Raine could do to. Raine explained, “And at the time, because when your seven you don’t think about that too much, but uh, I really did kind of resonate with that and it kind of stuck with me all throughout my life and I didn’t really do anything about it or feel anything until middle school. I would have people literally go up and ask me ‘Raine are you a guy or a girl because we honestly can’t tell’ I was like ‘uh I don’t know, I’m whatever, I’m a medical mystery”. Raine always knew that he was different from the kids around him in ways that were not limited to gender identity. He reflected on this and said, “Umm, I really wasn’t like anyone else, and so, people, especially young kids, don’t like what’s different. And I was very much different. I used to put socks on barbies and pretend they were slug people. Because I really liked bugs”. The fact that his personality was already different from many of his peers made it even more difficult for him to develop a self-acceptance for his sexuality and gender identity. Raine did not truly explore the thought that he might be transgender until around the time that he entered high school. He explains, “I started listening to this band called Steam Powered Giraffe, umm, when I was about fourteen. And one of the main members of that band is trans and so I learned all about her experience as a trans woman and I can really relate that back and forth to, you know. I was like [high pitched tone] ‘maybe I am trans’”. This was a pivotal moment in Raine’s journey to accepting his sexuality.

The first person that Raine came out to as transgender was his mother. According to his answers in the interview, she was immediately very accepting and embraced Raine’s identity without questioning or any reservation. He stated, “I really didn’t do anything fully until high school, when I started watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, and there were all these drag queens who were trans women. And they talked about their experience being queer, LGBT. And I was like ‘Okay yeah somethings, somethin’ ain’t right chief’ so then I came out to my mom. And my mom was like ‘yeah you are’. Yeah my mom was like, without a doubt, ‘I thought you were a lesbian but you’re not so go out be weird’,”. There is something that I personally found very interesting about this. The first one being that both of the figures that Raine described in this interview as being the most influential on his path to acceptance of himself were both public figures that he saw on television shows. For me this was great insight into the essential role that consistent exposure to people who are like-minded plays in the lives of developing children. This is something that those of us who are straight and belong to majority culture do not have to necessarily think about. However, those struggling to determine their gender identity or sexual orientation have very few well-known public figures to look up to. While this was the case as well for people who reside in the area of California that I am from, I realized that it did not stick out as much to me because they had many figures in our local community and in their personal lives to look up to. Southern California has a high concentration of members from the LGBTQIA+ community, so many of the individuals who live there grew up with several relatives and friends that were active in that community. For Raine and others growing up in the Kansas City area this was not the case, which affected them in a big way. Raine describes his relationship with the area in which he grew up by saying, “Like where I come from it was awful. I mean, like, I enjoyed it and I met a lot of great people but there was a lot of things that were just not good. Things weren’t good. A lot of bullying as a kid. A lot, like from second grade maybe fourth grade up was a lot”. It is tragic to hear stories of someone being attacked verbally or physically for simply embracing themselves in a way that causes no harm to others. In a modern society that claims to be accepting and open, there is still so much hatred for varying groups across the country. In the Kansas City area, there has been an interesting shift in the common attitude towards the LGBTQIA+ group over the past forty to fifty years.

The gay rights movement in our nation was not truly born until after the Stonewall riots in 1969. These riots were a result of violent acts between gay rights activists and police officers outside of a gay bar called Stonewall Inn in New York. It was in response to these events that gay rights activists across the nation rose up to form a collective movement. A news article from The Phoenix Newsletter states that “In June 1975, the first Gay pride Festival was held in Kansas City. The three-day event was spearheaded by the Gay People’s Union, Kansas City Women’s Liberation Union, the Joint Committee for Gay Rights, and the Metropolitan Community Church,” (Hinds 16). This was the first time that the LGBTQIA+ community was really given a dedicated platform to celebrate who they were and what they had accomplished. After this, the community still maintained a very underground existence. The same article states that “Records of Pride activities for most of the 1980’s are scant to nonexistent in GLAMA (Gay and Lesbian Archives of Mid-America) collections,” (Hinds 16). Throughout the remainder of the 20th century, and into the 21st century, the political power behind the Pride movement in Kansas City began to die out and turned into a party scene. Currently, whenever someone attempts to organize a Pride festival or event in Kansas City, they are often met with insanely high costs that prevented people from going through with it. This has inhibited the ability of Pride groups to establish a strong public presence in Kansas City.

However, Raine explained in our interview that despite all of the hardships he experienced throughout his life, because of who he is, it was all for the most part put to a stop when he came to UMKC. He said, “during orientation I went here and I got to see everything. There were other people like me, trans, lesbians, gays, bi, asexual, queer, whatever, just LGBT in general. And I was like ‘damn, I’ve really fucking found my place, shit’ and um I was at pride alliance […] there was a night at the beginning of the year where we were all just hanging out watching Matilda, and it felt like I was watching a movie with some close friends. Because we were all just watching Matilda, having a good time. […] Just being here is great and I love it. I’m really happy I’m here,”. I thought this really spoke to the fact that while the Pride movement in Kansas City lacks support in comparison to many other parts of the country, the fact that a LGBTQIA+ movement does exist here makes a significant difference. Throughout most of Missouri, nearly no support exists for people in this community, while in contrast the UMKC campus specifically makes a tremendous effort towards fostering diversity and inclusion. Those like Raine, being able to come here and be apart of a group that makes them feel safe and loved is a remarkable experience, and is something that is difficult to find amidst a part of the country that tends to hold prejudice towards anyone who is different.

Hearing Raine’s story was such an honor, and provided me with a new perspective on the progress that needs to be made in this area. To not only hear his story, but to be able to pair it with a now expanded context of the city itself, has opened my eyes to so many issues that I never knew existed. I think myself, and anyone else who has ever sat down with someone and just listened to their story, quickly realizes how beautiful connecting with other human beings is. We so often gravitate towards people who are like us, but we often learn the most from those who have a completely different experience from our own. The stories of Raine, and anyone else who has experienced discrimination because of who they are, need people that want to listen and who will use those stories in their daily lives to not only accept but celebrate the beautiful ways in which all of our life experiences are so different.

Works Cited

“Stonewall Riots.” Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc., 21 June 2018, www.britannica.com/event/Stonewall-riots.

Hinds, Stuart L. “History of Pride.” The Phoenix Newsletter, June 2014, pp. 16–17. z

From Summer to Isaiah

Where do I belong?

Where do I fit in?

I feel that I was born in the wrong skin

People make me feel as if I am living in sin

Should I wear clothes that society binds me in?

Maybe I should wear something Feminine

If I did, maybe it would stop my feelings from within

Feeling like I am trapped in a small room where the air is thin

I just want to be me… in my meant to be skin

Shedding the skin to be me Isaiah

Artist’s Statement

Isaiah in front of the transgender flag. All rights reserved.

For my narrative, I have decided to write a poem over my interview with Isaiah Morey. Isaiah is transgender, female to male. I have known him since he was still going by Summer, so about three years. I had seen some of the things that he had gone through while they were happening, but never really knew how bad it was. For example, people were calling him derogatory names, and I had heard this. Someone ripped up his artwork and threw it in the trash, he had spent four months on that piece. He had names written on his locker, and his car vandalized. Having this interview was a very good experience for me. It opened up my eyes to see what really goes on, and I was able to gain insight into his personal convictions and the events that were happening in his life. It really opened my eyes for what transgender people go through on a day to day basis. I have always been a close-minded person, but talking to someone about their experiences in life has changed that for the better. I now look at people through a different lens, and realize that everyone is struggling with something. As for Isaiah, we were mostly just acquaintances, but now we have become very close friends.

The poem is about the personal struggle that Isaiah felt growing up. He felt that he was more masculine than feminine. He started struggling to find who he was as a person early on, around middle school. He had always worn masculine clothes and had his hair cut short even when he was Summer. He never felt that he identified with being a girl or being a lesbian. Even though he felt that he was a man, he went by Summer, his birth name, and lived as a lesbian. He had a lot of trouble with the school that he went to. Isaiah attended a Lutheran high school in Kansas City. The teachers at that school always singled him out and used him as a prop to show kids how not to be. The school put him in at-risk religion classes since the staff said that he had “homosexual tendencies”. The staff wanted him to conform and be who he was born, Summer, a girl. He was kicked out of his own dance for wearing a suit and tie and bringing his girlfriend. When his car, locker, and art were vandalized nothing was done, and the staff even continued to bully him.

The next five lines represent his inner struggle with identity. In the interview, he talked about how he would wear a dress to school just to give it a chance. He was reaffirming that this was the way that it was supposed to be. “I would purposely go and go to school, like wearing a dress or wearing something like really feminine or whatever”[07:37]. The rest of the poem talks about people’s actions and reaction. The students at his school would say hurtful things about him. The students also would vandalize his locker with hateful messages and tear his artwork off the walls. His car was vandalized on multiple occasions, and the school would not do anything about it. There were many instances where the school could have stepped in, but nothing happened. Isaiah was being victimized and nothing was being done, due to the fact that what he believed went against the school’s religion.

Isaiah’s testosterone shots . All rights reserved.

I found this very sad because we are supposed to love all people and help them despite beliefs or personal convictions. All the experiences that Isaiah faced were very unfortunate. He still faces problems like that even though he had graduated and is out of that school. There are instances that happen at work and out in public. Personally, in order to keep this from happening, people need to learn tolerance. We may all have our beliefs but that is no reason to cause emotional or physical harm to another person. This interview has helped me to better understand some of the struggles that transgender people face in the community. If anything, this assignment has taught me to embrace all differences and to advocate for those whose voice is not being heard.

Relating the Narrative Back to Our Course

The Nazis would push their agenda over on the citizens of Germany and surrounding countries persecuting those who were Jewish or homosexual. Since they had power over the people, they would slowly bring in ways to persecute, and it was not all at once. Starting with wearing the star of David stitched into the Jewish peoples clothes, then gradually taking over Jewish owned businesses and rounding them up and even getting the Polish people on board to help turn in Jewish people. In this course we have read and watched content that has depicted this. In Lacombe, Lucien by Louis Malle, Lucien is French but joins the Gestapo to help round up members of the underground. This is an example of the power that Nazis had even over in other countries. Also in Maus by Art Spiegelman, we see Vladek desperately trying to hide his family and survive the Nazis occupying Poland. They receive help from the Polish, but the Polish also start turning Jews in to protect themselves from harm. This is an example of the Nazis influence of non-Jewish people.

Personal art in support of Isaiah. All rights reserved.

Years later we still see persecution in our society. Even though it is not mass genocide like we saw during World War II and the Holocaust, it still continues today. Whether it is a friend, or a story that we see in the media, it exists all around us. As humans we need to treat people with the dignity they deserve. We need to learn to be more open-minded and willing to understand someone’s personal struggle.

The American Dream

Moving here at the age of five, I was very frightened.
My parents seem to be very thrilled, but I was not as excited.
When we first started living here we were very enlightened, 
But everything still seemed so farsighted.

Going to school, I began to practice the English language,
I got really good, actually really quick.
My mother wasn’t as good which put her at a big disadvantage,
Plus her it didn’t help that her accent was so thick. 

A few years later, when I was about nine,
We were headed back to Vietnam but couldn’t find out gate.
We had a very bad experience with the airline.
When I asked a man for help he was very full of hate.

“If you are going to live in this country, your mother is going to need
to learn English or otherwise it is just unacceptable,”(03:12) he told
us, which I think about daily.
After we walked away, I felt like I needed a tissue,
I hid it from my mother, because I knew it would affect her greatly,
so I tried to make it seem like not too big of an issue.

I had experienced similar situations before, 
But this one really seemed to have stuck with me.
But to this day, America I still adore,
And I am happy to live in the home of the brave and land of the free.

Duy and her mother shopping while in Vietnam

This poem is centered around the story of a dear friend, Duy Nguyen. In this short poem, I used a very traumatic experience that Duy went through to inspire the poem. Being Asian has had its setbacks for her and she has handled them all in stride. She has had people give her dirty looks when she was doing nothing, instant judgment because of her race, and has dealt with a lot of stereotypes that surround being Asian. She claims to “have developed a kind of protective barrier against”(03:50) things that would be racist or stereotypical, which no one should have to do.

One incident Duy faced since coming to America was when a TSA worker was rude and hateful towards her and her mother. As they were traveling back to Vietnam, Duy asked a TSA worker which gate was theirs and how to get there since her mother didn’t speak English well enough to ask. When he tried to answer, he spoke to Duy’s mother. When he figured out she didn’t understand and couldn’t reply, he got very upset and told her that if she was going to live in America that she had to learn English otherwise it’s not acceptable. Duy understood what he said but didn’t want to tell her mother, so she hid it from her. She never told either of her parents what he said and doesn’t plan to. Though this isn’t the first of an experience like this, Duy still believes that America has hope of becoming fully accepting of people of different races, religions, and sexuality.

Walking Up the Stairs of Racism

“So, you think it is ok for your daughter to play with my daughter?” to which Ada’s mother responded “yes, why not?” (31:23)

Denise Oliver Velez,
Working while black: Racism at John Deere and other stories ,
Wednesday July 27, 2011, https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2011/7/27/999355/-, March 11, 2019, All Rights reserved.

This is a story about the reality of the world we live in today. It is a story about the power of a difference in a person’s life. It is the story of a young woman’s racial struggles from childhood; a young woman by the name Adanna Okorocha.

“Mum! I am going to be late for school!” the little Ada shouted. Ada – the name everyone called her – was a young girl of 11 years. She attended Maple Grove Middle School, which was one of the best private schools in Maple Grove, Alabama- the little town she lived in with her family. Born into a Nigerian family, in the United States, Ada had been different all her life. Not only is she a minority in the US, there has always been a disparity between her and other people of color, solely because of her ethnicity.

“Do you have your lunch money with you?”, asked her mother, frantically moving about, making sure her daughter was perfect for school. It was her second week of school, and she didn’t want her daughter looking like she wasn’t well taken care of. She had come to understand that being black in this country came with a lot of stereotypes, even if they did not necessarily apply to you. “Yes mum. And I have my right pair of socks and already combed my hair”. Ada answered knowing fully well what her mum was going to ask next. “Good. Be safe in school baby girl, and make sure you don’t let anyone pick on you for no reason whatsoever. You have your teachers in school to always turn to if you need any help. Ok?” she asked as she straightened out Ada’s collar. “Yes mummy! Love you! Bye!” Ada shouted as she ran towards the school bus waiting outside her house. The driver was cheerful today. He had just received his paycheck and his wife had made his favorite meal for breakfast. He didn’t mind waiting a little for this little black kid…he didn’t mind at all. There was something different about her. She wasn’t like the other African American kids he had come across in all his years of bus driving. “Good morning, Mr. Michaels!” They did not greet him the way she did. “Good morning! How are you?” he said giving her a warm smile. “I am good! How are you?” “I am good as well” he said smiling as she found her way to the back of the bus looking for a space to sit. She had to go through the usual routine of looking for space in the bus. She would find a seat, but no one wanted her to sit next to them, and that’s how her ride to school was, sitting at the back of the bus, alone every day.

Maple Grove Middle School was a predominantly white school. The top-level classes where normally filled with only Caucasians. This was a normal trend in Maple Grove. The few African Americans at this school were stuck together, not interacting with the rest of the school. At least that’s how it was supposed to be. Ada was an exception in this school. She had just come into the school and, in less than two weeks, was already in the advanced classes. The teachers were amazed at how a black girl could keep up in a class like that. “Good morning, Ada, how are you doing today?” said Ada’s English teacher. “I am doing good, Miss Ann” said Ada as she continued to her class. “How are your parents?” asked Miss Ann. Ada had gotten used to this routine of greeting. She had always sensed that her teachers thought that, because she was black, she would have issues in her family. This was a stereotype to the black people. Her family was doing fine. Her parents had been married for ten years now and had never had a significant fight. “They are doing well, Miss Ann” Ada responded as she always did. She finally got to her class and as usual moved to her seat on the right side of the class, alone, and isolated from the rest of the class. It wasn’t a new thing to her. In fact, she has been used to this treatment right from elementary school. It wasn’t the same in her other classes. The other classes she took – which had more black people in them – treated her like any other student. Why was this an exception? She had taken some math placement tests and was placed in eight grade math class while she was in the sixth grade.

“Did you understand that Ada?” asked her math teacher. “Yes, Miss Jane” Ada couldn’t understand why the teachers acted this way to her. On one hand, it was like they cared; on the other, they were just waiting for her downfall. She couldn’t tell which was happening at any moment in time. There were times when she would walk down the hallway, on her way to the cafeteria, and just as she would pass by her teachers, she would overhear them say things like “I can’t believe she is keeping up in this class” or “She is actually quite smart for a black girl”. What they did not understand was that, being smart is not a function of your skin color. Yes, she was smart, there was no doubting that. However, so were the other kids in her class, but no one made a big deal about it. Why did they think she was different? That was when it struck her. She had been in a similar situation before. She had not given it much thought until now. Her first encounter with racism happened when she was much younger.

Ada had just returned from school and as it was her routine, she dropped her bag, finished her homework and got ready to go to the playground in front of her apartment complex. Her mum, who already knew this routine, came out from her room and walked behind her little girl. The playground was not far at all. In fact, it was in their compound. But still, she was not going to take her chances with this neighborhood. No, not where black people are discriminated against. Her husband was a doctor and she had her degree in Computer science. They had just started this family and had managed to provide for their two children on a daily basis. Their first born, Ada, was a smart child and could take care of herself. But with their new born , Nonso, they had to work extra hard. Ada’s father was the only good physicians in this little town they lived in, but because he was black, everyone would rather drive for miles to the nearest health center. There had been instances when their family would go shopping at their neighborhood store and end up buying nothing because of irrational racist actions from the employees and other customers. No, there was no way she was letting her baby girl go out on her own. They had just reached the playground when they saw this little girl sitting by herself on the swing. She was white. She looked sad and six-year old Ada asked her mum if she could go play with her. “Sure, you can. Just don’t hurt yourself”. Ada joyfully ran up to the girl and asked her name. Cindy and Ada played and played until the sun went down. Her mum was so proud. She had raised a good child. They played that way every day after school, on the weekends, in the evenings just when the sun was about leaving the sky. Every time Ada crossed the gate to the playground, her friend would come right behind her. They lived in the same apartment complex but why had she never seen her friends’ parents come with her to the playground? Not even her mother. At least her own mother came and watched over the two children. She believed that was ok. This daily affair went on between these two friends until one day that Ada’s friend came down to the playground with her mother. Ada was excited because she loved meeting people, but her mum was uneasy even though she had been taking care of this person’s daughter for some time now. Cindy’s mother looked into the playground and asked her daughter who these people were. “Oh, that is my friend Ada and her mum. We play here everyday” said the innocent girl. Cindy’s mother let go of her child’s hand, walked up to Ada’s mother and asked, “So you think it is ok for your daughter to play with my daughter?” Ada’s mother responded “yes, why not?”, “Well I just thought maybe you would want to meet her parents first, you know? We are trying to raise her well and we don’t want anything to, you know, influence that in a negative way”, “What do you mean?!” Ada’s mother would not have it. This white lady had just called her daughter a bad influence. All Ada could hear from the other end of the playground was shouting and disagreement. She did not understand what was going on. She just wanted to play with her friend. The argument went on until Cindy’s mum grabbed her daughter by the hand and stormed off the playground. And so, the two little friends did not play that day.

The next day, Ada went to the playground in the evening as usual but as she neared the gate, her friend, Cindy, was stepping out of the playground. “Hey! Are you leaving?” Ada asked innocently. “Yeah. My mum said I shouldn’t play with you anymore. She said you people had no respect,”. What Cindy had just said would infuriate someone else in a similar situation, but not Ada. She did not feel bad at all. In fact, she thought it was a normal thing. “Oh ok, makes sense. Bye Cindy!” she said as she waved cheerfully to Cindy heading back to her apartment. They were not meant to be friends anyway. She was black and her friend was white. Her parents had already told her all these stereotypes about how white people treated black people. This was the same situation with Cindy and her mother. Both sides had told bad things to their children about the other. Little did they know that they were sowing disparity into the lives of these young ones. Now they would grow and pass this same seed to their children, and on and on till we finally break this chain.

This was many years ago. It all made sense to her now. What had been done to her back when she was little was still going on in her middle school. She started thinking of ways to reduce this racial treatment. She noticed that the white kids dressed in a certain way. They wore the latest shoes, clothes which she thought were “white brands,”(26:57). Whatever it took she had to change herself to fit in. She bugged her parents, saying she needed new clothes and shoes. Her request was met, but what she got were off brands. Nonetheless, she would finally fit in. But to her dismay, the very same people she tried so hard to become, laughed at her. This had happened before in history when the Nazi’s occupied Europe. The Nazis murdered the Jews simply because they hated them for their difference. Even when they seemed to give the Jews options they went back on their word and killed them anyway. Although this scenario is not as extreme, Ada never again was going to try and fit in.

Ollyy,
African young woman taking off a mask of a caucasian woman- Image,
Royalty-free stock photo ID: 102504455 , https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/african-young-woman-taking-off-mask-102504455?src=w-bhd7g14pFly3J0o0DJ5A-1-0, March 3, 2019. All rights reserved.

This one experience of her being ridiculed for trying to change, changed her mind set, and how she lives her life today. Yes, she had a lot to prove to others to break the stereotype used against her, she wasn’t going to let anyone bring her so low as to change who she was. . Although, Ada and I share the same ethnicity, we differ in terms of citizenship status, and hence our experiences with racism are completely different. Nonetheless, just as Ada had found this new hope in herself, so must we all in our struggle for acceptance. For we are who we are for us, not for “them”.

Everyone is Different

“Everybody has a challenge […] we all have something” (10:10). My mother’s challenge is hearing impairment. Since birth, she’s not been able to hear from her left ear. Because her impairment prevents her from hearing her voice, it sounds different from most. Her hearing prevents her from being able to distinguish voices in a group, particularly higher pitched voices.

Bobby Plubell, portrait of my mother, Childhood home, All rights reserved.

Having hearing impairment comes with quite a few challenges. As a child, my mother would always have to make plans to sit closest to the front of class in order to be able to hear (1:13). In a group of people talking, it’s super difficult for hear to distinguish voices. She says, “Another issue that was always hard for me was being in a group of people, because I couldn’t usually hear anyone unless they were right next to me” (1:26). Having hearing impairment is quite difficult to deal with, especially from a young age. Other children would frequently tease and belittle her going as far as simply ignoring her.

As an adult, my mother still faces some discrimination and other challenges. She said “My biggest challenge now […] being a person with hearing loss – even people that are very close friends do this, and I don’t know why, but just talking over me. You know, as if I’m not only deaf but stupid too” (23:33). People are very quick to make assumptions and judgements based simply on how someone looks or sounds. It seems like there’s a tendency to assume that people with disabilities are also mentally disabled. This led to teasing and bullying in school. My mother said during my interview with her, “Everyone’s so self-conscious at that age [middle school] anyway so there’s a lot of bullies and whatever. If anyone’s the least bit different they pick on you” (7:51). Because of the difference in how my mother speaks, she tended to be picked on or discriminated against in school. In particular, being in a group of people made it worse. She says “If people knew I couldn’t hear or whatever sometimes they would just ignore me or talk over me or something” (01:60). The effects of this continue on to this day. When I asked about how the teasing affected her she said “It affected me pretty greatly. I mean my self-esteem, and not feeling valued or important enough for people to like not talk over me or for them to repeat themselves or something” (02:22). Lack of empathy and understanding from her classmates here led to feelings of alienation and self-consciousness that still have an effect today. People don’t realize the extent of the consequences their actions have.

Despite this, there are certainly some social issues that come along with being a parent of someone with a disability like Down syndrome. My mother said “Sometimes parents are just nervous to have their kids around somebody who is different. And I just never felt like we were in the mainstream of everything” (17:38). Fear of the unknown mixed with a lack of widespread education about different disabilities seems to cause discrimination and distance between parents of children with disabilities and other parents.

Lack of understanding combined with misinformation seems to be a significant contributing factor to discrimination and fear of a certain group. This can be seen in the graphic novel Maus, by Art Spiegelman. In the novel, Spiegelman’s father Vladek details his experiences during the Holocaust. When describing how non-Jewish people were taught to relate to Jewish people, Vladek explains that “the mothers always told so: ‘Be careful! A Jew will catch you to a bag and eat you!’ so they taught to their children” (Spiegelman, 149). A common myth about Jewish people during the Holocaust is that during the Passover, they need the blood of Christian children in order to make matzo. Obviously, this is absurd and is simply a result of misinformation and lack of understanding. In the book and during the Holocaust, this led to discrimination, just as it does currently with people who have disabilities (to a different extent of course).

People tend to fear what they don’t understand and this applies to relations with other people as well. In order to prevent discrimination, a healthy dose of understanding and information about those who are different from ones-self is necessary. When I asked if she believes that society can become more tolerant of people with disabilities like hearing impairment or Down syndrome my mother said “Well, I mean they need to. I mean just people with disabilities of all sorts. I mean tolerance is needed. I think there’s still a lot of intolerance towards anyone with disability. I think it’s getting better in some ways” (15:30). The future is starting to look up in terms of more tolerance of people with disabilities and special needs.

A fantastic story about tolerance and acceptance is that of how my parents met. Both my mom and dad lived in Germany for work (my dad was a software-engineer working for hospitals there, and my mom was a teacher for the army), and they met through an online chat service. Eventually, they got to know each other pretty well and started to talk about meeting up. “When it came time for us to meet I was scared to death”, my mom said, “for him to hear me. [voice chokes up] But anyway I finally got up the nerve to say something. That I was afraid for him to hear me” (27:48). She felt worried that because of the way that she talks, she’d be judged or that my father wouldn’t like her. Eventually, she did tell him about her hearing impairment and her worries about how she sounds. “I sounded differently or whatever and that I was afraid to speak on the phone and he said ‘let me tell you something, let me tell you about my cousin Bobby.’ He grew up with a deaf cousin, I mean totally deaf, and his cousin didn’t talk much. But Bobby would talk if he was with someone he was totally comfortable with and he [my dad] was one of those people. […] That was part of what made me fall in love with your dad” (27:52). Acceptance is incredibly important for a person’s mental well-being, and everyone, regardless of any difference they may have, deserves to feel accepted and understood. A small bit of acceptance can go a long way.

Feeling Like Hawaii-versus-the-Continental-US

“In the second grade, I had a crush on a boy even though in the second grade you don’t know what love is or any of that…I kind of realized that being gay wasn’t normal and it wasn’t until the 8th grade that I was able to look into the mirror and say ‘I’m gay’”(2:16). I met Max our freshman year of high school when we were taking French classes together; it never seemed to bother me knowing that he is gay because that’s simply who he is. He never treated me a different way because of it in the sense that he received the same amount of respect that I received from him. To this day, Max and I are still close friends and have had a class together for two semesters now as freshmen in college. Max is the youngest child in his family and he has an interest in studying neuroscience. From a very young age, Max knew that he was gay, but it wasn’t until he was older that he realized that it is okay to be gay; he should be accepted not simply for being gay, but for who he is as a human being.

Benson Kua, The Gay Pride Flag, San Francisco, Wikimedia Commons, March 2019, Some Rights Reserved

Although his friends are fully aware and are accepting of him, one of his biggest issues was having a partner, or relationship per se, as “normal” people do. “It’s just very lonely. I remember at one point I described it to my friends as I felt like I was Hawaii, and the rest of the world is the continental US.” (3:40) Feeling like an outsider, just how the state of Hawaii is compared to the US, Max still had hope. While the gay community is very small in some places, Max knew that with patience and time would come the right guy for him. Luckily, Max has found someone who cares for him the way he does for his partner. They have been together for over a year now.

To this day, Max does come across certain events where he feels unwelcome or attacked. Recently, a few weeks ago, Max was scrolling through Facebook and came across an article that was shared by one of his friends regarding the idea of teaching LGBT history in public schools. Seeing who shared this article came to great a surprise for Max because he had known this person since they were both very young, since elementary school to be exact. Out of curiosity, Max decided to comment on this post to see her reasoning and understand her view point on the topic. “Somebody on Facebook actually told me that because I am gay, I should be stoned to death because that’s what it says in the bible. This was a person-I actually went to elementary school with them, I was actually really close friends with them; we kind of fell out of contact throughout high school and now all of a sudden they are directly telling me that I should be buried up to my neck and have people throw rocks at me.” (10:24) Max truly was not expecting a response like this, especially from someone who he used to consider a really good friend of his; he simply wanted to know why she had shared this post. “On this specific post it was about teaching LGBT history and she said that she wouldn’t want her kids to learn LGBT history and I was like ‘why?’ You know because it’s just history and it escalated to so much more…” (13:28). Max had noticed that her friends were supporting her views and proceeded to act like Max was not a human but as a target. “Why are you using my sexuality to define me as a whole person? Just treat me like a normal person, if you find out that I am gay or see me with my boyfriend, I hope that your attitude towards me doesn’t change at all.” (29:10) Social issues like this are still very present to this day and it happened to Max so unexpectedly. “I’m happy that I made as many people on Facebook aware of the situation that I could, that way people don’t forget that homophobia is still such a prevalent thing in America, you know? A lot of people think that it all ended when we got the right to marry but that’s just not true.” (18:26) For Max and the rest of the LGBTQ community, marriage is only the first step for having their voices heard.

After going through an event like this from a former friend, Max’s current and closest friends showed him their support and apologized for her actions. “It was nice to have their support but at the same time, their support only goes so far because they still don’t understand what it’s like to truly be in the position that I am.” (15:46) Being in the situation that Max was in isn’t a situation that everyone can easily relate to, having the support from his friends was kind and thoughtful but it still wasn’t enough to repair the damage that was done.

Many people in the LGBTQ community still have a hard time finding the right words to describe him or herself in a way that they will not feel ashamed or unwelcome by his or her family and friends. When I asked Max what advice he would give to others who are still trying to figure out when is the right time for him or her to “come out”, he said “Come out when you’re ready but don’t feel like it’s a bad thing…Also, don’t out other people because I have outed people before when I was younger and it’s something that I regret a lot. If you have just come out you might think ‘Oh it’s not a big deal, everyone should come out’ but you know not everybody is ready, so don’t try to push anybody out.” (26:41) Timing is very critical for each individual and each person does things differently. From Max’s advice, I learned that not everyone is in the same situation about their sexuality and that his or her choice and position needs to be respected at all times, especially in a sensitive topic like this.

No one deserves to feel hated or unwelcome simply because of who he or she is. This goes for all subject matter whether it’s because of his or her race, sexuality, or religion. Innocent people like this deserve to be treated as a person and most importantly as a human being who isn’t harming anyone.

Max has learned a lot about himself, the LGBTQ community, and about certain individuals themselves since the day that he confirmed the fact that he is gay. While at times he feels like an outsider like the state of Hawaii, he knows that he isn’t alone and that he has the care and support from the rest of the continental US. At only 18 years old, he is still learning what it is like to be gay and what baggage comes with it in a society that still isn’t 100% accepting of the LGBTQ community. “I want societies to realize that being gay is 100% natural. A lot of people use that unnatural argument that we shouldn’t allow or accept gay people because it’s unnatural…I just want people to be more accepting of the LGBT community. I mean it gets really annoying after a while.” (32:16) Through personal experiences and experiences from others, he hopes to bring more awareness to people he knows and other communities about how these situations truly need to be understood and handled.