Tag: Family

Tradition & Progress

Mandy (middle) and her children, (from left) Bobby, Alison, and Brittany, 2017 (All Rights Reserved)

This is a series of personal entries and a letter creatively formulated from an interview with Mandy Martinez. This series is an attempt to humanize the little girl who was robbed of her first love, the teenager who wanted to be understood, and the woman who was strong enough to be herself. The last entry is entirely non-fiction, as I pulled it from my very own journal.  

March 1989

Dear Diary,

Today in class we learned about genealogy. The teacher asked us to make a family tree. I learned that I am Hispanic, French, and Moroccan It was easy to fill in the branches closest to me: my mom, Michele, my dad, Armando, my mimi, Lucienne, my papa, Bill. I had to ask my mom about our family, to assist me in filling in the branches that extended past my immediate family. Then the teacher told us to predict our futures. We were supposed to add a page of branches dedicated to our future family. I looked at my mom’s name, my grandma’s, and my great grandma’s; the boxes framing their names were connected to their husbands. It felt weird making up my husband’s name, and not because I am only eleven and I shouldn’t be considering marriage, but because I never pictured having a husband.  But what else would I put in that little blank spot next to my name? I decided not to write anything. Ambra was sitting next to me while we made the family trees. She wrote, “whoever I fall in love with” in the box. I like that. I like her too. We became friends today. 

Goodnight,

Mandy M.

April 1989

Dear Diary,

Ambra and I ate lunch together every day for the past month. She always gives me her Jell-O Pudding Pops and I always give her half of my turkey sandwich. I like her a lot. She has pretty, blue eyes and dark hair. She has become my best friend. She tells me I am the best girl friend. I wonder if she has any other friends that are girls? Am I really the best? I hope so.  I want her to stay my best friend for a long time. She walks me home every day. Ambra’s mom lets her because she lives on base too, not far from me. Speaking of moms, mine is driving me nuts. She tells me I spend too much time with Ambra. Wasn’t she just encouraging me to make more friends that live on the military base? She says my compliments are inappropriate. She won’t even let her spend the night like my other friends do. Geez, I don’t know why she is so scared of Ambra. It’s not like she is a bad influence. The only way I can remain Ambra’s best girl friend, is to keep it a secret from my mom. And that’s just what this diary is for: keeping secrets. 

Signing off. I hope Ambra brings a vanilla pudding pop tomorrow.

Mandy M.

May 1989

Mandy, her sister, Tammy (middle), and their mother, Michele attending Pridefest, 2016 (All Rights Reserved)

I have a confession- one I can only tap onto my typewriter. I did a terrible thing. My big sister, Mandy, didn’t deserve to be punished. I did. I talked back to the teacher in class today and the teacher called my parents. Beads of sweat trailed down my face as I neared the front door. I didn’t know what to expect, a spanking? No, mom would find a punishment that was fitting for the crime, like soap in the mouth to wash out my back-talking. I hate the taste of that blue oily soap. And drinking water only makes it worse. When I walked through the front door, mom was sitting on the couch waiting. Mandy was behind me, my protector. She ran upstairs before she could get caught in the middle of my mother’s rampage. She yelled at me for a second, telling me how much I embarrassed her for disrespecting a teacher. What would all the mothers on the military base think when my peers hinted towards my rebellion to their parents? She likes to remind me about how much they gossip about the bad kids at church. Then what would the others at church think? I was afraid of getting grounded and losing my whole weekend over talking back to the teacher, so I said it. I said the one thing I knew would take the attention away from myself… I told her Mandy was gay. How do I know she’s gay? I saw her kiss Ambra at school. On the lips! Mom’s fury was no longer aimed towards me. I placed it promptly onto Mandy. I’m so sorry, Mandy. I didn’t know she would whip out the belt. 

Sincerely,

Tammy M., Mandy’s sister

January 1994

Entry #217

What a weird couple of months. First, I see Mandy with her boyfriend, Enrique, and figured she would only ever just be a friend to me. Another straight girl. Then when I talk to her in Sophomore Spanish class, she laughs off their relationship like they are just friends. “I don’t really like-like Enrique. I mean he’s cool, but he’s just not the person I want.” Those were her exact words. I could tell she got giggly and happy towards me, so I finally considered the possibility that she may be into me. I went for it and asked her on a date. We grubbed on In & Out, listened to the new Nine Inch Nails CD, and I even planted a kiss on her cheek. Not bad for a first date. We spent two whole months together before she let me even see where she lived. She told me she was afraid her parents wouldn’t approve. The word she always uses to describe them is “traditional.”  Well, she was right, I think. Mandy promised me she would talk to her mom about us so I wouldn’t be a secret anymore. That was the last time we spoke. I tried talking to her at school, but she changed her classes. I tried to call her, but the line never rang more than twice. I guess that’s the end of that.

With a broken heart,

Tina K., Mandy’s second love

Dear Father John,

Mandy and her mother, Michele (left), attending Pridefest, 2016 (All Rights Reserved)

It has been brought to my attention that my sixteen-year-old daughter was having an inappropriate relationship with another female. The person my daughter is infatuated with wears raggedy dark clothing, has a choppy haircut, and is, worst of all, a woman. I am sure you have dealt with blasphemous over-sexualized youths in your program much worse than my Mandy. I think she may need some guidance, if this phase of hers continues. I would like you to teach her the proper way of life; the traditional life with a husband and children. Mandy wants to be a nurse; she wants to help people. That proves she is a good person despite her sinful desires. I have done my research and have come upon a conversion program you are holding in the summer. I am interested in registering my Mandy this upcoming summer, if she doesn’t change her ways immediately. I want to be a grandmother. I want my daughter to feel whole! I trust you to guide her away from the alternative lifestyle I fear she may want to live. 

In the name of tradition and The Holy Spirit,

Michele M., Mandy’s mother

June 2003

Dear diary,

Mandy and her family at Pridefest, 2018 (All Rights Reserved)

I haven’t written in this old thing in years, but I feel as if writing will give me some form of therapy. I think I am finally ready to leave Robert. He is a good man, an amazing man. He is a perfect father to my three children, and I will always love him, but something is missing. Something has always been missing. I have sacrificed my true self to satisfy my mother, my husband, and my children. I am a fucking adult. My mother cannot run my life or threaten to send me to a conversion camp. I know my kids will be hurt by the separation, but my oldest, Brittany, is six years old. I have time to help her understand as she ages. All of them. They will understand because they love me. I am a lesbian. It feels so refreshing to write. The ink is dry upon the page and my words have meaning. I am going to leave Robert tonight. My kids will forgive me, right? What if they hate me for dragging them into an alternative lifestyle? Now I sound like my mother.

I can do this.

Mandy M.

July 2015

Mandy, her wife, Angel (left), and her children, Bobby, Alison, and Brittany, 2018 (All Rights Reserved)

Hey, journal. It’s Alison again. Who else would it be? Whatever. I just got home from Pridefest with my family. We all got decked out in rainbows and had so much fun. Mom and I saw our favorite drag queen perform! Pride is my favorite family tradition. Everyone is so inclusive and fabulous! After Pride, mom and her girlfriend, Angel, took us to Steak N’ Shake for the perfect burgers. While we were all sitting in the squeaky booths, scarfing down our burgers, I noticed my mother’s smile. It was a certain smile that is only possessed in the genuine haze of late-night diner food. It was a smile I recognize, for it portrayed her happiness in that moment. The genuine gleam to her grin makes me grin, because I know my mom is happy. My grandma called mom after she saw the pictures my mom posted on Facebook from Pride. She asked if she could join us next year. Progress. 

Love,

Alison K, Mandy’s daughter

Becoming an American

Family has always been a big part of my life. I am always surrounded by them. They are the people who keep me sane in this fast-paced, crazy, life of mine. We are such a close-knit family that we have a tradition to come together every Sunday to have dinner.

Unknown, Close up of Kian Shafé, United States, 1956, April 2019. All rights reserved.

When people look at me, they probably do not think that I come from Persian descent. I am blond-haired and fair skinned, whereas, my grandfather, has a darker complexion, heavy accent, and dark hair. My grandfather has a very unique upbringing. He grew up in Tehran, Iran with his brother, mother, and father. When asked if there were any ethnic challenges in Tehran, my grandfather gave me this bewildered look and stated that “[Tehran] didn’t have this problem because Iranians are not black, they are Caucasian, [the] Arian race, we didn’t have black people, black people were Arabs from Saudi Arabia” (04:42). My grandfather immigrated to the United States in the 1950s. He immigrated because of political reasons. My grandfather’s family was involved in the Iranian Revolution. My great grandfather, my grandfather’s father, was part of the military.

My grandfather, known as “Baba”, was directly affected by this move. He “missed part of [his] schooling” and he stressed that “a lot of kids did” (00:50). One of the reasons he moved to the United States was because the government would allow him to go to any school of his choosing (he was in college).  He went to Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. As he made this move into American the one thing he did notice was that “[America] was full of it [ethnic related challenges] everyone is from somewhere of their own, and so it didn’t shock me, and it didn’t bother me, and nobody treated me differently when I was here [in the United States]” (05:15). Similarly, to the book Maus, my grandfather, “assembled with people from this country, [he] didn’t want to be the only Iranian in one group” (5:55). In fact, his college roommate was Persian-American. He was able to feel at home while staying with someone with a similar cultural background. He was able to participate in “all the school activities”, and because he was involved with the school activities, he learned more English. This incident corresponds to the book Maus, where Jewish people would speak their own language but also had to learn the surrounding language, polish or German, to help communicate with their German-Polish neighbors. My grandfather stated that “most boarding students that come here [United States], learn[ed] to speak English here, their vocabulary was around 200-250 words, but they could communicate with that” but he was able to extend his vocabulary more. He eagerly stated that “I was very well able to write essay for school” (06:12). My grandfather surrounded himself with native English speakers so he could better advance in understanding the English language and culture.

Knowing that American society does not like ‘outsiders’, I asked my grandfather if anyone treated him differently because of his accent. I, like anyone else, would’ve known the answer, but to my surprise, he was not treated differently. He would explain those who asked where he was from that “because of all the stereotypes of those from the middle east, they made me look bad!” he continued to tell me that “they saw too many movies that show all those [stereotypes].” And then he went on to explain “that that was not the case” (07:27). He would tell anyone who asked that he was no different than they were. My grandfather’s experience was not like others who have immigrated to the United States because he spent his time with other students that did not treat him as an outsider. They took him on holidays and would take him home to their families. “Churches welcomed me, people liked me… professors took me home for fourth of July and stuff like this happened. It was wonderful! I can’t remember them all now, but they were all nice people” (10:55).

Unknown, Portrait of Shafé Family in Tehran, Iran, 1943, April 2019. All rights reserved.

Kian is my grandfather’s name and he lives up to the Persian meaning, king. He is very confident in everything he does. [He] “was far superior and was not afraid of being wrong or making mistake” (09:50). He always felt welcome, unlike the many Jewish people living in their own country. When asked if he had any incidences where he felt unwelcome in the United States he replied, “some students would come where I work and do something [cause trouble] they would want to start a fight with me, those things happened, but not from any government entity” (11:00).

Kailyn Fane, Kian Shafé featured in Newspaper, 2000, April 2019. All rights reserved.

My grandfather was able to live the “American Dream.” He did mention that he did have some setbacks from coming here from a foreign country to start a life for himself and so that he could start a family.  From those setbacks, he was able to start “11 companies in this area” (11:53). He started Kendelwood Enterprise, that then led to “several other companies including transportation, nursing home, retirement homes, and construction” (12:10).  He has companies nationally in Las Vegas, Omaha, Spring field, St. Louis, and Kansas City. From his businesses, he was then able to build relationships that helped him further live his American dream. He could successfully provide for his family. From his experience being from another country and how people from America treated him, I asked if he would change anything in American society, He replied, “any change is better than no change, that is true, have you heard, the saying: don’t fix it until its broken?” To this, I nodded, he replied, “It’s working for me, and I’m sure that other people might be similar to me is working for them. There is no need to change anything. I am proud to be another country and a different culture. I have no problem with that. This country is 250 years old, the country I came from was 6,000 years old, so there is a lot of culture there that I brought here with me” (25:49).

One story that my grandfather told me when he moved to this country was when he went through immigration and was denied being called his official given name. When he went to get his citizenship at the immigration office his passport said: “Mir Kian Shafé.” The immigration officer informed him that ‘Mir’ was not a valid first name. My grandfather was upset that he could not carry part of his family’s tradition with him into the States. “‘Mir’ is a title that all the sons in my grandfather’s family carry. He was shocked to be informed that ‘we [the United States] don’t like to use a title as a name’ so my grandfather was instructed to drop that name for any official documents, but he could not drop the title because his diploma and my driver’s licenses had ‘Mir K Shafé’. My grandfather didn’t “have a problem not to use that and go by the name Kian, which I am, but it’ll be a struggle to get my diploma and get all that changed.” He was then informed that he could use that title “as long as you know that title is meaningless in this country” (27:27). This shocked me. My grandfather was denied the use of his title as part of his name just like the Jews were denied their given names and instead, they were given tattoos of numbers to replace their identities and had to wear specific patches, like those shown in the film, Night and Fog.

Reflecting on my grandfather’s life and his journey in becoming an American I am able to conclude that being born as an American has given me many other privileges that my grandfather did not have when he was growing up. He does share a similarity to those events that took place in the Holocaust. One of the biggest similarities being the loss of his identity. Overall, his life has not been bombarded with cultural or issues of being from another country.

A Day in The Life of Margaret Phillips

Kelly Pingeton, Portrait of Maggie Phillips in her senior year of high school, 2018, All rights reserved.

I am a Freshman at UMKC. One day, we were told we had to interview someone who was different than ourself. The difference could be several different things including race, religion, etc. I instantly thought about my friend Margaret, who I call Maggie. We are very close, however, she is different than me in many ways. I chose Maggie not only because she is my friend, but because I admire everything about her. She is easily one of the strongest people I know, despite not being what everyone expects her to be. During our interview, I asked Maggie to tell a little bit about herself, “My name is Margaret Phillips [gestures toward self] and I was adopted from China when I was 11 months old uh—I grew up in a small town called Braymer, Missouri. Umm—I have four older brothers and my mom. My dad passed away when I was 13” (00:07). As the interview went on, I learned things about Maggie I had not known before including her love for sports. “Yes—with the sports I played which were softball, basketball, and track I kinda felt like the underdog” (08:23). Now anyone who doesn’t know Maggie personally might be wondering why she feels like, as she says, an underdog compared to her teammates. “They wouldn’t expect someone who looks like me to be very good at all, but it was nice because then I could show everyone how good I was they would be like “what?” and oh yeah it doesn’t help at all that I’m only 5 feet tall [smiles]” (08:40). I asked Maggie to describe herself a little more for those who don’t know her and she said, “Yeah, I’m 5’1” and Asian and very much a tomboy.”

After interviewing Maggie, I realized the struggles she has to go through in everyday life. This only made me admire her more. While interviewing Maggie, it was clear to me that she could rise above the looks, whispers, and judgments of those around her. Eventually, I had to ask her, “Were there any times you have ever wished you could change specifically just the way you look?” and not surprisingly, she answered, “No.” In a later question, I asked if she ever considered what her life would be like if she didn’t have her difference. Maggie made it very clear that she has thought about things like this before because, who hasn’t? At the end of the day, she very much loves her life. It is clear to me that what other people, including myself, may see as struggles, Maggie only sees these obstacles as learning and growing experiences. Throughout the interview I wanted to get some personal experiences from Maggie, to see the world through her eyes. So, I asked, “…can you describe a specific incident where you felt out of place or different because of your difference?” (04:44) and so she did, “Umm [looks away]—it’s hard for me to live up to people’s standards of me [slightly moves in seat] because I am Asian I feel like people only see my looks and I feel like I should act or be a certain way [shakes head] so, for example, just yesterday I went to an Eric Church concert with my brothers and, I don’t know why [shrugs shoulders], but I felt very out of place” (05:03). This is the type of example of an everyday obstacle for Maggie. You might wonder why, why did she feel out of place? It’s just a concert, isn’t it? Well, I wondered the same thing. So, I asked her. She told me this, “Idk—I guess because it was mainly white people [looks up] and I love country music [gestures towards self] and Eric Church but [moves hand] I guess because stereotypes make it seem like specific [air quotes] types of music are targeted for certain types of people” (05:33). It’s hard to think that just because someone doesn’t look or act like everyone else they could feel so out of place.

“You always hear people say oh [air quotes] Asians are good at math.” (16:33). Throughout the interview, our conversation would stem off into new conversation until we had a whole tree of topics we were talking about. One that I realize we mentioned a lot was stereotypes. We went into a full conversation talking about just being ourselves. As I am telling everyone reading this, I told Maggie, “I really like that aspect about you, it’s very admirable” (19:27). And just then Maggie said something, “Thank you, that really means a lot to me because I try so hard to just be myself in everyday life and like we were talking about earlier I try to stray away from stereotypes and just be myself because I refuse to let a stereotype define who I am” (19:33). I began to think about what it must be like to always have people instantly assume something about you before they have even said one word to you. It’s not fair and I believe everyone should take a page from Maggie’s book and not let what other people say who she really is.

If there’s one thing I learned throughout this assignment, it’s that family is so important. Especially to Maggie Phillips. “Yeah sure so my family has always supported me through everything. I think they realize it can be a little difficult for me because of my difference and because of that they’re super supportive in all aspects of my life; school, sports, and just everyday life. They really encourage me to be the best I can be” (07:53). It’s clear to me she loves her family with all of her heart. But as you now know, Maggie was adopted at a very young age, 11 months. I wanted to know her stance on this sensitive topic. So, I asked her “Do you ever find yourself wanting to learn more about your own personal culture since you did grow up with a white family with white customs?” (09:24). Maggie’s answer was a bit shocking to me. She said, “No, not really because— I’ve tasted genuine Chinese food and I absolutely hated it. My number one thing about culture is that the food has to taste good and it also could be because I did grow up here, so I’m just not used to the food but the American greasy food is probably the best food I’ll ever taste so no, I don’t have any desire to learn any more about my heritage” (09:46). I thought this was a very sweet idea but didn’t answer what I really wanted to know. So, to continue the question, I asked Maggie, “Do you ever want to meet your real parents and learn about their lifestyle?” (10:15) Her answer was truly heartwarming, “No, because all I see them as are sperm and egg donors and my real parents are the ones that raised me and loved me and have supported me throughout my life” (10:24). At this point in time, I knew without a doubt that family was a key aspect of Maggie’s life.

After spending nearly half an hour with Maggie, I feel like I truly got a look inside of her world into her everyday life. It’s not always rainbows and sunshine, but I can tell that Maggie isn’t one to give up. She inspires me to ignore the stares, whispers, and, of course, the stereotypes. Despite our differences, we’re all just people.

Not My Definitive Label

In our junior year of high school, I became friends with my interviewee, CB. Through our friendship, I’ve gotten to know him foremost as someone who is enthusiastic, involved, and hardworking. Together, we navigated our difficult classes with late-night study sessions at Starbucks and memorable but amusing lab incidents. He had already become an important friend to me before I ever knew about his sexual orientation. As his friend, I knew he might have gone through some difficult times because of who he is, and I wanted to learn more about him. In this way, I could empathize with his experiences.

Kim Phan, Photo of CB, Kansas City, March 2019. All rights reserved.

During our interview when I asked, “what words do you use to name your difference?” (00:12) he responds in a blunt but joking voice, “Gay” (00:19).

CB elaborates: “I didn’t have like […] this bright rainbow that showed me like, gay. But, I don’t know, it just felt like it was always part of me” (00:46). When he found a name for how he was feeling, he says, “it was nice to realize that there were other people like that out there like me, that even though I wouldn’t be deemed normal by society […] I would still be accepted by some people somewhere” (30:24). It was also terrifying for him to realize that he belonged to “a demographic that’s persecuted against, and that people can use my quality of being a homosexual against me for no reason whatsoever” (30:24).

Although in recent years society has grown more accepting, regarding the LGBT community, less than a century ago homosexuals were victims of a systematic genocide known as the Holocaust. Nazis forced Jews to wear the yellow Star of David just as they labeled homosexuals with a pink triangle and eliminated them in death camps.

In the twenty-first century, CB faces different challenges. Growing up in a “white, middle-class, Republican family” (1:13) has made it difficult for him to express himself. Even now his parents won’t let him tell his extended family and because of this “I feel like I’ve been blocked from them kind of” (2:10).

Subtle interactions frame how CB sexuality affects his daily life, and overall, his anxiety stems from the risk that his sexual orientation will negatively impact him. He is anxious that the people he meets, especially superiors like teachers, might have a bad perception of homosexuality and will project that onto him (2:49). When he does tell people about being gay, “the first like five seconds of not only their verbal communication but their nonverbal communication tell you it all” (1:33). When he wants people to see him for who he is, as a good student and a good person, he worries that they aren’t going to accept him and will only see him as “just, gay” (2:10). And although he has never been physically persecuted, he does fear the possibility.

It was only towards the end of our senior year did I learn that he was gay. Honestly, up to that point, I never gave it much thought, and the possibility didn’t cross my mind. But once I learned about it, there was no reason for that fact to change our friendship. I felt like that was just a part of the CB I already knew, and I was glad that he trusted me enough to tell me.

Other friends have reacted differently. CB admits to wanting to change during high school in response to this, “I was in a group of friends, who I’m still friends with yes, who are, like my family, white, middle class […] they’re very strong Republicans. And, that’s not saying anything bad against them, it’s just everyone has their different views but, I’ve been friends with them all my life, and I’m still friends with them today” (5:06). Finding a more diverse friend group has helped CB destress, and during the interview, we laughed about how differently he acts around his separate peer groups.

“Look, our nerd friend group is probably like, one of my saving graces for my senior year, because it got me away from everything else, and you guys showed me like […] my friends don’t have to be assholes and I don’t have to hide myself” (6:07).

CB was involved in several extracurricular activities in high school, including cross-country. I remember driving to school for an early class at 6:30 when I would see him running with his teammates on the sidewalk. Now CB tells me that even though he loves running and being with a team, “one of the most, like stressful parts of my day is going to practice” (8:00). Although they never talked about it, he says that some people on his team either knew or suspected that he was gay. He could tell that some of those people were uncomfortable about it “Because I mean we’re all running around shirtless” (7:09). He never faced any serious verbal persecution, instead “Everything that I have like viewed as harmful or persecutive towards myself, has always been non-verbal or just in absent, where they just block me, basically. Or like ghost me and try not to […] come in contact with me” (8:36). In the case of his cross-country teammates, they would look at him differently and it “would just get really annoying and stressful” (8:00).

This ghosting is a kind of symbolic annihilation as opposed to a physical one. Those who don’t understand or think negatively about his difference chose to make him invisible to them, rather than confronting their views. Because of this, they don’t get to know him, and they never see past the label put on him.

According to CB, environmental factors and their upbringing are the reasons people act this way. Parents and peers had certain expectations for the social norm, so when it came to homosexuality, those with more traditional views “didn’t know how to react to it” (9:38). The topic was never discussed at home so when someone raised in that environment does meet a homosexual, “since they don’t know how to react to it, they just, automatically just think negatively” (10:25).

When faced with discrimination, CB chose not to associate himself with those people “because, there’s no point if they’re just going to harm you” (10:52). However, reflecting back, CB feels like he should have “been more upfront about it […] verbal with them, talk to them, not like accuse them of anything obviously, but like, just discuss with them rather than just what I did of just neglecting them” (11:36). He feels like he let those people get away with it and that they are going to act the same to another homosexual. Although he feels like he should have stopped it, he also thinks positively “that because I didn’t get furious and mad at them, and I didn’t accuse of anything […] I took the high road” (11:36).

In his group of friends, CB enjoys being able to think positively and cope by joking about tough things. In an environment where people don’t judge you, “it’s nice because you can focus on what you need to focus on, what you’re trying to get done, or trying to learn […] or just having a good time.” (13:15)

He is mad when he thinks about those of the LGBT community who face persecution, and it scares him knowing that it happens in other places across the world. If he were to travel somewhere like that, he wouldn’t know what to do since he’s lived in a fairly liberal city. For example, in southern America, a person would “have a completely different story […] because of the values down there” (15:48).

Today, CB still struggles with hiding from his siblings and extended family who are rural Republicans. He parents thought that telling them would destroy their family. CB doesn’t blame his extended family because “that’s what they’ve been taught, that’s what they’ve been exposed to.” (16:36) Although he wants to tell them, it scares him as to how to do that. He wonders if it would change the dynamic of their relationships. “That’s probably my biggest obstacle is just figuring out how to tell people who are really close to me.” (17:10)

CB wants people to know that “being gay is not my definitive label.” (21:02) Rather than respond positively or negatively to his sexuality, he “wouldn’t [want people to] to respond at all.” (19:35) He wants society to reach a point where it won’t matter if he tells people that he’s gay and he wouldn’t have to differentiate himself in that way. “I have a lot of different purposes in my life, and I’m a good person, and I do good things […] being in a homosexual community, isn’t, shouldn’t be a label for me and it isn’t a good thing and it isn’t a bad thing. It’s just me.” (21:51)