Mendez being photographed for her successful presidency at the University of Oregon Senate.
Artist’s Statement
Hiking in Oregon with Montse.
Montse at my graduation.
It is important to know the context of Montse Mendez’ story in order to better relate and understand the lyrics of this song. My sister and interviewee, Montse, has many marginalized identities including being Mexican, a woman, and bisexual. Although Montse’s other identities also affect her in everyday life, the focus of this song is the way Montse has been treated because of her bisexuality. The first verse begins providing a little bit of context of her specific incident. This is where I address Montse’s coming out story, and the fear and confusion she felt then. She shared with me that when she was first coming out to people she felt “vulnerable and scared” (11:24), and that she did not know how people would think about her.
Montse at the Teotihuacan Pyramids.
Another hiking adventure.
I felt like this was important to add because it shows that her self esteem was not in a good place prior to the incident. The pre-chorus and chorus then begin describing the specific incident, which took place on tinder with a man that Montse matched with. Montse was beginning to embrace her identity more and openly shared her sexuality with this man. The man’s first reaction was to say ,“That’s hot. Can you teach me how to make my girlfriend cum?” as an opening line. This overtly sexual approach is not only rude, but also offensive. The label “bisexual” seems to have a deep effect on society’s perception on the person. Instead of focusing on any other aspect of that person, they are immediately sexualized even though, just like a straight person, they have other attributes. I chose to use the chorus as a way to explain my perspective on bisexuality and how it is simply about who people feel romantic love towards. Since everyone feels romantic love, I hope that this humanizes bisexual people to those who hypersexualize them and can relate better to how they feel. Harmonically speaking, I picked a minor key in order to match the serious tone of the subject. I also picked chords with some notes that clash and may sound “crunchy” to go with this mood, and also match the contemporary style that most artists use today.
Song Lyrics
Chorus 1 eb 9 Bisexuality isn’t a pornographic movie (13:31) Gb maj 7 It’s not a trend, or a mental disability B maj 7 My sexuality isn’t about you, or how to make your girlfriend come (11:24) Bb 7 It’s about love and who I put my feelings on Verse 1
You didn’t she was scared and self conscious (11:24) She wondered, is this real or is this fictitious? Growing up she saw it as a negative (2:12) Her friends and family told her being straight was imperative
Pre-Chorus
But when we matched and then you messaged me (11:24) You didn’t ask about my major, my degree My heritage or family You’d rather gain from my sexuality
Chorus 1
eb 9 Bisexuality isn’t a pornographic movie (13:31) Gb maj 7 It’s not a trend, or a mental disability B maj 7 My sexuality isn’t about you, or how to make your girlfriend come (11:24) Bb 7 It’s about love and who I put my feelings on
Millie Leonhard, Mason’s Home in Kansas, Olathe. Google June 2012. Copyright Free.
Present Day in Kansas City
When the doorbell rang, Mason was busy cleaning the house as he had always done on his day off. He opened the door to a slight, young woman bundled up against the Kansas winter. He didn’t usually have unanticipated visitors, especially in his quiet cul-de-sac nestled in suburban Olathe.
“Hi, my name is Lindsay. I’m with 41 Action News. I’ve heard that there is an unlicensed, homeless shelter that is operating out of the church behind your home. Have you seen anything suspicious lately?” she inquired.
Mason had actually seen some unusual activity in their family-oriented neighborhood: a drunk man passed out on a neighbor’s porch, one of the homeless had gotten aggressive when the neighborhood refused to let him shovel driveways for cash–but Mason didn’t mention that. He wasn’t one to be in the spotlight.
“No, I haven’t particularly seen anything out of the ordinary,” Mason stated.
“Well, if you happen to think of anything feel free to give me a call,” Lindsay stated handing Mason her business card.
“We are looking for people in the area to do interviews if they know information about the homeless shelter and its effects on the neighborhood.”
Mason thought for a moment, Oh, well interviews? Liam would love that.
While Mason was a bit introverted and content to keep to himself, his partner, Liam, was the opposite–an extrovert who relished the spotlight and loved to embellish. The perfect candidate for a conservative Kansas news station story about the homeless infiltrating the suburbs.
“Actually if you’re looking for people to interview my husband should be home around seven tonight. He’s more up to speed on the community on-goings and I’m sure he would love to talk to you.”
Mason watched the reporter’s eyes light up as if he’d just told her she’d won a lump sum of cash. He thought, Oh, yeah. I bet this seems great for her. Gays in the suburbs of conservative Kansas. Guess you don’t see that on every block.
Lindsay said emphatically, “I’d love to speak with your husband! Here’s my card. Make sure he calls me the moment he gets home.”
“I’ll be sure to do that. Have a great afternoon, Lindsay,” Mason said as he closed the front door. Turning around to go upstairs, he couldn’t help but feel as though he was something to be gawked at after his interaction with the reporter.
He began to wash the dishes as he peered out the frosted kitchen window and pondered his life in the past few months. This was different than Chicago, but it was a silent different. It was verbal attacks as he grew up, maybe a beer thrown at him, but here he dealt with the silent, passive abhorrence.
MIllie Leonhard. Mason’s Southside Home, Chicago. Google 2018. Copyright Free.
Growing up Gay
“Andrew, turn up the music! We need to get pumped for the club!” Mason said.
It was that time of year in Chicago when the weather was finally turning from a frozen tundra to where life could begin to creep back into the streets. Mason and his friend, Andrew, were cruising down a bumpy road on the Southside with all the windows down, letting the spring breeze guide their mood as they made the trek to Boystown. Upon Mason’s request, Andrew turned up the Britney Spears song, “Hit Me Baby One More Time”, and the two of them began to sing along. Apparently, this was the wrong choice.
As they glided up to a red stop light, a large SUV pulled up beside them and four men jumped out.
“The fuck you fags think you’re doing playing that music around here?”
Before the seventeen-year-old boys had time to think, the men jumped on the car from the passenger and driver’s side. The car began to rock and they were reaching for the boys.
“Drive! Drive! DRIVE,” Mason said emphatically. Andrew pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor running through the red light. The men fell away and became smaller and smaller as the boys looked back. With their hearts racing, they looked at each other with wild eyes. No more playing Britney Spears that loudly on the rough Southside.
Growing up Latino
How could he forget? How? It was the midterm for crying out loud!
Mason had just gotten back to his apartment after a long day. He plopped down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table gearing up to watch a guilty pleasure: Friends. All of the sudden it came racing back to him. FUCK. The midterm.
His feet were on the ground before he knew it and he was racing to his desktop to figure out what the essay was supposed to be about. Culinary school usually focused on execution but this time he needed to write. It was already almost midnight but the paper was due at ten in the morning. He had no time to waste. Mason stayed up all night and when the sun was coming up over the lake, he was typing the last page. Groggy as hell, he trudged to class with the paper in hand.
As he walked in and set the paper down on the front desk his instructor said, “What’s this?”
“That’s my midterm,” stated Mason.
“Oh, well it’s not due for another week. Are you ready to turn it in?”
Damn it. I mixed up dates, Mason thought. But he was confident in his work. “Yeah, it’s ready.”
The instructor accepted the paper and told Mason he would have it graded in a few days.
A few days later, the instructor came into class and told everyone that Mason had received an A on his midterm. If they would like to see what an A paper looked like, he would leave the paper out on the desk so they could take a look. After many of the students had taken time to go over the paper, one girl decided to speak up.
She raised her hand and stated, “Well, I don’t understand how he could get an A if he doesn’t even know how to fucking speak English.”
Mason, shocked, immediately felt the red hot pulse of embarrassment envelop his being. I earned that grade. I worked my ass off. I stayed up ALL night. So what if I don’t sound like you, Mason thought.
However, Mason had to put up with this reaction multiple times; he just wanted to fit in. This wore him down until he decided he would work to get rid of his Latino accent.
He regretfully succeeded.
Remembering What We Built
Liam came home to find Mason scrubbing the floors vigorously, which Mason usually will resort to doing when he’s stressed out. He could tell that something triggered him.
“Honey, how was your day?” Liam asked.
“Fine. Some reporter came by. She wants to know about the homeless shelter. Thought maybe you’d like to talk to her,” Mason stated without looking up.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“It’s just different here, Liam. I know this is your hometown. Sometimes it’s hard to deal with. It’s so different than Chicago. They judge silently…they find ways to make me feel as though I’m wrong for who I am,” Mason said as he slumped back against a cabinet.
“Hey, do you remember when those assholes followed us, called us fags, and threw beer bottles at us when we were walking home in Chicago one night?” Liam inquired softly while climbing down to meet Mason on the hardwood.
“Yeah.”
“Remember what happened? I wanted to run. You told me no. You said we needed to keep walking and don’t look back at them,” Liam said.
“And we haven’t looked back. We have pushed forward. No matter who told us that we were wrong,” he continued. At that moment, Liam started up their home sound system with Mason’s favorite song, “In My Feelings” while he grabbed Mason’s hands and pulled him to his feet. Then, he began to sing along loudly. Mason looked at Liam, cracked a side smile and laughed, letting go of his worries.
Mason and Liam built a home. Unapologetic, they built a loving relationship. More often than not, people have been judgmental of their differences, and the world may not change for them. Mason thought, I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I’ve learned to be okay with that.
Disability comes in many forms. A person with vision impairment can be considered disabled. A person who is deaf can also be considered disable. Disability can be mental, physical, intellectual, etc. Jane has been struggling with disability since she was in eighth grade. Unlike the stereotypical view on the disabled community, the disability she suffers from is invisible. She suffers from multiple medical conditions, such as celiac disease, eosinophilic esophagitis, cataract, and arthritis, that have kept her in pain throughout her life.
Erica Lee, Portrait of Jane, Kansas City, April 2019. All Rights reserved.
When I first met Jane, she seemed like a bright, optimistic ordinary nineteen-year-old college student. Slowly, we became friends, and I learned of the several medical conditions that she has. Jane had a rough high school experience – an experience I could only imagine. In ninth grade, Jane missed a lot of school – to the point where she received multiple letters from her high school notifying her that she was on the verge of being expelled. Her many visit to the doctor’s office and her physical conditions have often hindered her from attending school consistently. After setting up a disability action plan, one particular teacher did not follow through with Jane’s plan by not giving enough extension for her homework assignment. In the interview Jane says, “to have someone say that you should’ve been able to do it when literally the day before I was fading in and out of consciousness cause I was sedated or I could not separate myself from the toilet …to have people downplay my struggle because they don’t experience it, that is by far the most annoying things about being disabled,”(20:23). I think it was wrong for the teacher to not thoroughly read Jane’s disability action plan. I think it’s important that a teacher communicates with a student especially those who suffer from health conditions that impacts their school life. Other than her health conditions, her disability has also greatly affected her academic and social life. Her absence at school caused her grades to drop and making friends was not easy for her.
While Jane’s high school experience wasn’t the best, her disability has allowed her to become more independent and mature than other students. For example, because she missed many lectures due to her health conditions or going to the doctor appointment, she learned to teach herself the materials taught in school by reading the textbook. In the interview she explained that her disability has allowed her to understand from early on that, while lectures at schools are important, reviewing and teaching yourself the concepts outside school is just as important. This reminded me of Zygie and Sol Allewis from the book “They Were Just People” by Bill Tammeus and Jacques Cukierkorn. In the book, when the Germans occupied Poland in the 1940, Zygie and Sol Allewis had no choice but to become independent and mature in order to fend for themselves. While Jane’s situation did not involve the Germans, she only had herself to rely on to keep up with school.
When I asked Jane the biggest challenge she still faces today, she answered, “It’s hard for me to explain how they [her disability] impact my life to other people who are not disabled because a lot of the symptoms that I experience are very common symptoms.”(13:07) For example, in her organic chemistry lab she had to separate two clear solutions. The problem was she couldn’t see where one clear layer ended and another clear layer began. After she had separated one layer from the other, she asked her TA if she had gotten all of the bottom layer out because she could not see. Then, the TA gave her a funny look and asked for clarification. When Jane told him that she has bad vision, he jokingly responded “I understand, I too have nearsightedness”. This is when Jane told her TA that she has cataracts. Shocked, he responded “I did not expect it,”. Her TA was shocked by the fact, Jane, who looked like a healthy student, had cataracts, which is uncommon among young adults. This is an example of how she has to constantly explain herself. Aside from poor vision, other symptoms that Jane suffers from are stomach pain, joint pain, migraines, etc. While these are all common symptoms that many individuals can encounter once in a while, for Jane it is result of her multiple medical conditions that affect her daily life. Because it is hard to explain the disability she has, Jane rarely talks about her medical conditions to other people.
While, it has been difficult for Jane, her visit to the doctor’s office have also been challenging. In the interview she recount an event that happened in her senior year of high school during a doctor’s appointment. She remembers that the doctors were telling her that she was perfectly healthy because she was young – when she was not. In response to that event she explains, “That was the most frustrating event in my life because I had that happen in eighth grade when I got diagnosed with celiac disease, I had that happen in freshman year when I got diagnosed with eosinophilic esophagitis. I had all these problems and the doctors would say oh you’re seventeen, eighteen nothing’s wrong with you,”(14:50). I was shocked when I heard this. To dismiss the pain that Jane was experiencing because of her age, it couldn’t have been more frustrating for her.
Erica Lee, Portrait of Jane, Kansas City, April 2019. All Rights reserved.
Strength motivates an individual, to push themselves, to achieve goals that were thought unimaginable. Resilience is the ability to overcome a hardship, to get back on track and keep working towards a goal. People tend to believe what they see, but appearance is just a piece of clothing we wear. It doesn’t tell a personality of a person. It doesn’t tell what a person is going through. Thus, our society assumes, like the teacher who thought Jane should’ve had enough time to finish her homework or the doctor who thought Jane was in perfectly good condition because she was young. When I look at Jane, I see strength and resilience. Though her disability has affected her inside and out, throughout her whole life, it has never stopped her from achieving her goals. In fact, I think her disability will only continue to motivate her throughout her life.
For the ones that stood on our soil, in the name of
righteousness.
How would you answer my question?
My friend, my enemy.
Driven by ignorance, they speak lies of us.
Driven by fantasies, they speak ill of us.
What else would be there to offer them?
Bitter truth? Virtuous suffering?
What say you,
My friend, my enemy.
I showed them my home, yet they won’t accept it.
I showed them my photographs, yet they deny them.
I showed them who I am, yet they do not see me.
I am nothing more than what they think.
How many years must we wait?
How many days and nights must come and go?
How many must we sacrifice?
Ah, my friend, my enemy. Must you look at me that way?
Please, smile.
Is it not something heroes do?
The interview with Khanh Bui sparked the fire for the creation of this poem. Khanh is a 24-year-old Vietnamese UMKC graduate who has lived in Kansas City, MO for the past 5 years. He has faced many challenges, from personal to legal. One of them is the generalization labeled on him based on his race and ethnicity. Something that he must face daily. The poem expresses the frustration, and anxiety he feels when those who do not know him label him in any way they want, but at the same time, the peace that he was able to develop throughout the years. “… I have learned to adapt to it. I have developed thick skin against those comments.” (18:35).
‘My Friend, My Enemy’ is a title I found fitting to represent Khanh’s relationship and feelings with those that surround him. The people live and coexist peacefully with Khanh, but deep inside, there is still the lingering thought of the Vietnam War, like a scar that has fully healed but will never leave. “Whenever I meet new people in the U.S, and I say where I’m from. I get polarizing reactions. It’s either fascination, or it is negative…” (1:27).
The misconception of Vietnam being a war-zone up to this day is not the only example of improper historical education in the United States. To this day, there are still many that believe that the United States had taken the lead on World War II against the Axis Powers. It was the Soviet Union, with the aid of its allies, including the United States, that led the final push against Germany, thus ending the conflict.
As someone who is also from a different country, I can relate to Khanh’s frustration due to the stereotypes labeled on him based on his race and ethnicity. But just like him, I have been able to develop a thick skin against such labels.
We all know the golden rule, to treat people how you would want to be
treated. Unfortunately, we all know a time where the golden rule was not taken
into consideration. Some more than others. Le Nguyen, a Vietnamese young adult
living in Kansas City has experienced many not so golden moments.
A young child entering school for the first time is scary. It is also
the start of one of the most important things in life. It is the start of
relationships, education, and learning the unwritten rules of life. As these
things begin, judgments do as well. Children learn what they like and what they
do not like. They learn that not everyone is as nice to them as mommy and daddy
have been. As Le entered school for the first time as a young child he did not
realize he was any different than anyone else until the judgements from others
started to kick in. Growing up, Le has learned two languages, English and
Vietnamese. As anyone can imagine learning two languages at the same time can
be confusing for a young child. Le explained to me the start of learning he was
not like everyone else. He expressed his biggest reality shock was him knowing
two languages while everyone else just knew one.
“The main problem was me knowing two languages. There were times where people would ask me something in English and I would somehow respond in Vietnamese, my language. My friends at the time would be like ‘What?’ ‘What did he say?’ I thought that was embarrassing because I didn’t want them to not understand me” (02:49).
Jaden Diggs, Picture of Le Nguyen, Kansas City, 1998, All rights reserved.
As time went on Le learned the hard way of how cruel some
people can really be. In an ideal world, everyone would not look at race and
look at a person’s personality instead. I met Le this spring semester at the
University of Missouri- Kansas City in a marketing class. The short time I have
known Le, I learned right away how much of a nice person he is and how genuine
he is. It has been refreshing talking to Le every day, it is
always a break from drama and stress. Hearing how other people
treated him growing up made my heart hurt. It is really sad to live in a world where
some people have no problem being so cruel to others for something they cannot
change. When so many people start to treat you differently, it leads to
thousands of insecurities to creep their way into your mind. Growing up full of
insecurity is something no one should have to live with. Unfortunately, the
world we live in is full of stereotypes. It is easy to feel like one has to
live up to a certain standard. Being an Asian American in school has made those
stereotypical comments and actions rise immensely for Le.
“So, that built up over time, it really made me super, super insecure about myself” (04:21).
For Le, it has always been a challenge to accept who he is. He
shares how his insecurities really impact his daily life.
“I can barely get anything done because I am always so down on myself because I underestimate myself all the time. Just because of those insecurities of my traits and characteristics” (05:09).
A lesson we all have learned is that words hurt. We are always
told “Well, that’s life!” It saddens me to think that we are taught at a young
age that life is going to be hard and not fair at times and that is just how it
is going to be, forever. No matter the situation, everyone knows the struggle
of not being accepted and just wishing they were like someone else. It was not
until around high school age Le found something positive out of being a an
Asian American.
“My tolerance for people has changed. Now at this point I understand other people’s challenges more. I used just assume everyone is ignorant. But, as I see others struggling like I have, a small part of me I tends to be happy knowing I am not alone in my struggles” (11:55).
Even if the positive moments in life are not outstanding. It is
important to acknowledge them and understand that you are not alone. Growing up
so different than everyone else is hard enough as it is. In times of doubt,
having someone who truly loves you and believes in you if essential. When
insecurities and life’s battles take place, mental health is something that can
easily get knocked down. Le shared how he has struggled with mental health. As
he was seeking help, he has developed a bond with a teacher from high school
and grown with his help.
“He has been with me through thick and thin. He has been with me through really, really, really tough times. When I felt super depressed. When I thought about suicide. Because my high school was super diverse, I saw that there was a bunch of other people like me who understood me, so I felt more accepted then. It felt good to be not alone” (13:04).
Even in life’s hardest time, it is important to remember that
life gets better. From talking to Le, it has opened my eyes and made me realize
that you never know what anyone else is going through. The people you would
least expect to be insecure or have gone through struggles could be going
through hell and just be good at hiding it. The world we live in is cruel and
selfish. However, the way a person chooses to spend could change their
perspective of the world to be beautiful. Struggles a person goes through in
life does not define who that person is. But we could always use a reminder to
follow the golden rule.
If I did, maybe it would stop my feelings from within
Feeling like I am trapped in a small room where the air is thin
I just want to be me… in my meant to be skin
Shedding the skin to be me Isaiah
Artist’s Statement
Isaiah in front of the transgender flag. All rights reserved.
For my narrative, I have decided to write a poem over my interview with Isaiah Morey. Isaiah is transgender, female to male. I have known him since he was still going by Summer, so about three years. I had seen some of the things that he had gone through while they were happening, but never really knew how bad it was. For example, people were calling him derogatory names, and I had heard this. Someone ripped up his artwork and threw it in the trash, he had spent four months on that piece. He had names written on his locker, and his car vandalized. Having this interview was a very good experience for me. It opened up my eyes to see what really goes on, and I was able to gain insight into his personal convictions and the events that were happening in his life. It really opened my eyes for what transgender people go through on a day to day basis. I have always been a close-minded person, but talking to someone about their experiences in life has changed that for the better. I now look at people through a different lens, and realize that everyone is struggling with something. As for Isaiah, we were mostly just acquaintances, but now we have become very close friends.
The poem is about the personal struggle that Isaiah felt growing up. He felt that he was more masculine than feminine. He started struggling to find who he was as a person early on, around middle school. He had always worn masculine clothes and had his hair cut short even when he was Summer. He never felt that he identified with being a girl or being a lesbian. Even though he felt that he was a man, he went by Summer, his birth name, and lived as a lesbian. He had a lot of trouble with the school that he went to. Isaiah attended a Lutheran high school in Kansas City. The teachers at that school always singled him out and used him as a prop to show kids how not to be. The school put him in at-risk religion classes since the staff said that he had “homosexual tendencies”. The staff wanted him to conform and be who he was born, Summer, a girl. He was kicked out of his own dance for wearing a suit and tie and bringing his girlfriend. When his car, locker, and art were vandalized nothing was done, and the staff even continued to bully him.
The next five lines represent his inner struggle with identity. In the interview, he talked about how he would wear a dress to school just to give it a chance. He was reaffirming that this was the way that it was supposed to be. “I would purposely go and go to school, like wearing a dress or wearing something like really feminine or whatever”[07:37]. The rest of the poem talks about people’s actions and reaction. The students at his school would say hurtful things about him. The students also would vandalize his locker with hateful messages and tear his artwork off the walls. His car was vandalized on multiple occasions, and the school would not do anything about it. There were many instances where the school could have stepped in, but nothing happened. Isaiah was being victimized and nothing was being done, due to the fact that what he believed went against the school’s religion.
Isaiah’s testosterone shots . All rights reserved.
I found this very sad because we are supposed to love all people and help them despite beliefs or personal convictions. All the experiences that Isaiah faced were very unfortunate. He still faces problems like that even though he had graduated and is out of that school. There are instances that happen at work and out in public. Personally, in order to keep this from happening, people need to learn tolerance. We may all have our beliefs but that is no reason to cause emotional or physical harm to another person. This interview has helped me to better understand some of the struggles that transgender people face in the community. If anything, this assignment has taught me to embrace all differences and to advocate for those whose voice is not being heard.
Relating the Narrative Back to Our Course
The Nazis would push their agenda over on the citizens of Germany and surrounding countries persecuting those who were Jewish or homosexual. Since they had power over the people, they would slowly bring in ways to persecute, and it was not all at once. Starting with wearing the star of David stitched into the Jewish peoples clothes, then gradually taking over Jewish owned businesses and rounding them up and even getting the Polish people on board to help turn in Jewish people. In this course we have read and watched content that has depicted this. In Lacombe, Lucien by Louis Malle, Lucien is French but joins the Gestapo to help round up members of the underground. This is an example of the power that Nazis had even over in other countries. Also in Maus by Art Spiegelman, we see Vladek desperately trying to hide his family and survive the Nazis occupying Poland. They receive help from the Polish, but the Polish also start turning Jews in to protect themselves from harm. This is an example of the Nazis influence of non-Jewish people.
Personal art in support of Isaiah. All rights reserved.
Years later we still see persecution in our society. Even though it is not mass genocide like we saw during World War II and the Holocaust, it still continues today. Whether it is a friend, or a story that we see in the media, it exists all around us. As humans we need to treat people with the dignity they deserve. We need to learn to be more open-minded and willing to understand someone’s personal struggle.
Moving here at the age of five, I was very frightened. My parents seem to be very thrilled, but I was not as excited. When we first started living here we were very enlightened, But everything still seemed so farsighted.
Going to school, I began to practice the English language, I got really good, actually really quick. My mother wasn’t as good which put her at a big disadvantage, Plus her it didn’t help that her accent was so thick.
A few years later, when I was about nine, We were headed back to Vietnam but couldn’t find out gate. We had a very bad experience with the airline. When I asked a man for help he was very full of hate.
“If you are going to live in this country, your mother is going to need to learn English or otherwise it is just unacceptable,”(03:12) he told us, which I think about daily. After we walked away, I felt like I needed a tissue, I hid it from my mother, because I knew it would affect her greatly, so I tried to make it seem like not too big of an issue.
I had experienced similar situations before, But this one really seemed to have stuck with me. But to this day, America I still adore, And I am happy to live in the home of the brave and land of the free.
Duy and her mother shopping while in Vietnam
This poem is centered around the story of a dear friend, Duy Nguyen. In this short poem, I used a very traumatic experience that Duy went through to inspire the poem. Being Asian has had its setbacks for her and she has handled them all in stride. She has had people give her dirty looks when she was doing nothing, instant judgment because of her race, and has dealt with a lot of stereotypes that surround being Asian. She claims to “have developed a kind of protective barrier against”(03:50) things that would be racist or stereotypical, which no one should have to do.
One incident Duy faced since coming to America was when a TSA worker was rude and hateful towards her and her mother. As they were traveling back to Vietnam, Duy asked a TSA worker which gate was theirs and how to get there since her mother didn’t speak English well enough to ask. When he tried to answer, he spoke to Duy’s mother. When he figured out she didn’t understand and couldn’t reply, he got very upset and told her that if she was going to live in America that she had to learn English otherwise it’s not acceptable. Duy understood what he said but didn’t want to tell her mother, so she hid it from her. She never told either of her parents what he said and doesn’t plan to. Though this isn’t the first of an experience like this, Duy still believes that America has hope of becoming fully accepting of people of different races, religions, and sexuality.
Joseph Choi was young when he realized people would start treating him differently because of his race. I interviewed Joseph, my roommate, to listen to his experiences while growing up. Joseph was born in Fort Lauderdale, Florida at the turn of the century. His parents are from South Korea, and as a Korean-American, Joseph faced racism at a young age. Before Joseph went to school, he did not know how society treated someone who was different. He would eventually learn what racism is. When Joseph was old enough for school, he faced racism in every grade level.
Mercer Deatz, Joseph when he was younger, South Korea, 2014, All rights reserved.
In early elementary school, Joseph experienced small acts of racism, such as name-calling. Towards his later elementary career, he encountered stronger acts of racism. He never experienced a situation that was violent but I learned that he did experience racism first hand. When I asked him about any specific acts of violence or racism in elementary school, he told me about one particular story that stuck in his head. He responded, “Well, I’ve never had, in a sense, a violent case. More like little ruffles here and there. I’ve always surrounded myself with a good group of people. Um, making sure I have a good group of friends who support me not because of how I look or how I act, just depending on how good of character that I have.” This showed me that Joseph’s experiences with small acts of racism shaped the group of people he could call friends. He continued, “but I think back in elementary, probably fourth or fifth grade. I was standing in line to use the restroom because we had the restroom schedule where everyone goes at the same time before recess or something. And I was standing in line to use the urinal and this one kid cuts in front of me and I was like, hey that’s not cool, and then he turns around and slaps me” (6:48). While listening to this, I realized how I never had to deal with this in the fourth or fifth grade. Even though it wasn’t violent, this experience stuck in Joseph’s head because of how young he was. Joseph continued by saying how the boy “slaps me and calls me a racial slur. Uh, that slur being c***k. However, as you know, I am not Chinese” (6:48). This was interesting because as a kid, Joseph was already being called names. Joseph thought it was a little amusing because the kid did not even use the right racial slur. In reference to this situation, I asked him, “why do you think people act this way towards you?” (7:38). He replied, “It goes back to the thing of just how I look different, people feel like because they’re the majority they can treat me differently, whether it’s worse or in the rare case, better. They feel like they have because they’re the majority they have the ability to get everyone on their side, rather than on my side” (7:53). By the tone at which Joseph told me this, I believe Joseph understood that at a young age. He realized that some people would treat him differently just because he looks different on the outside.
Mercer Deatz, Joseph visitng with a relative, South Korea, 2014, All rights reserved.
As Joseph grew up, he experienced fewer acts of racism, but he still had to deal with other people stereotyping him. He mentioned that he still faces that problem today. When I asked him what his biggest challenge is, he told me, “Uh, the biggest challenge I still face today. Um, living up to expectation. Uh, everyone knows the Asians are supposed to become or be the smart ones” (15:12). I wondered if he has close friends that stereotype him, so I asked, “Do you still have close friends that like, maybe stereotype you in school?” (16:02). And he responded, “Oh yeah. I have a lot of friends like that, it’s mostly joking. I just brush it off because I don’t really care. But it’s kind of funny because they’re always like, Joseph, where’s your 4.0, and I’m like, well I don’t know man. I think a 3.8 is good” (16:10). I think it is safe to say that Joseph is affected by people who stereotype him. But he does not let it bring him down. Joseph was a swimmer in high school, and he mentioned how he did not have the stereotypical genes of a swimmer. He was not gifted with the long limbs of a swimmer, and he believed this left him at a disadvantage (5:34). But he put in more hard work to prove that he could not be stereotyped (6:20).
Mercer Deatz, Joseph eating a meal with his relatives in South Korea, South Korea, 2014, All rights reserved.
We have had stereotyping discussions in my class before. Jud Süss is a film we watched that was made in Nazi Germany. There are multiple examples of stereotyping in the film. Specifically, the stereotyping of the Jewish main character. The character is shown to have all the stereotypical Nazi character traits of a Jewish person at the time. Obviously, racism and stereotyping were involved with the Holocaust, but this film has good examples of stereotyping that relate to the modern day stereotyping that Joseph faces. In modern times, people still characterize another group of people based off a few stereotypes. That is what Joseph has had to live with.
Mercer Deatz, Joseph having fun with Samurai in Japan, Japan, 2017, All rights reserved.
Because Joseph seemed to worry about stereotyping throughout his life, I asked him, “what advice would you give to people in a similar situation as yourself?” (16:30). I asked that to see if he could provide help to someone just like him. Someone that gets treated differently because of their appearance. He responded, “The advice I’d give to people is no matter how hard people put you down, always stand up with your chin up. Um, because if you let them get you down, that only makes them feel higher up above you. You don’t have to be the best, you don’t have to try to be the best. What you can be is that you can be yourself. And that’s hard because like I said, I created a fake persona about me to help me become more popular, more friendly, and I can honestly say, uh, that has led to many fake friendships, and in general, just making sure that no one can bring you down no matter how hard they try” (16:38). I believe Joseph’s message to other people growing up in a similar situation is to be yourself and not let other people stereotype you. Since he mentioned that he created a fake persona, I wondered if that meant he wish he would not have done that. It sounded like he hid his true personality to blend in more and make friends. I wondered if he wished he would have been himself more, so I asked, “So would you suggest to, like, another version of yourself to be yourself more?” (17:19). He replied, “Yes and no. Because I feel like I wouldn’t have become as popular when I was younger, but at the same time I feel like I could’ve made more stronger relationships back then” (17:26). I believe Joseph is happy with his life and that is why he could not give a decisive answer to that question. I know Joseph is living just fine, but he certainly did not grow up in a perfect society for someone with a difference.
Mercer Deatz, Joseph during his visit to Japan, Japan, 2017, All rights reserved.
The fact that Joseph did not grow up in that good of a society, for someone in the minority, was on my mind. Joseph certainly did grow up differently than me because of his race. I wanted to know what he would change about society if he could. I asked, “How would you like people to respond to your different race, like, in a perfect world maybe?” (18:07). He thought for a second and responded, “I’d want people to treat me like they treat everyone else. Don’t think of me as different, think of me as the same level as you, the same capabilities, and the same acceptance” (18:15). I wanted to know if Joseph ever thought about how to get to this perfect world. So I followed up the question and asked, “If you could change any one thing about society, would it be like, you know, equality like that?” (18:27). He replied, “Yes, but in the society that we have currently, that is impossible. Of course, uh, I’d almost say awareness, for something actually tangible. People who actually know the hardships we’ve felt, maybe not even me, but people who go through these hardships, who go through the violence of racism. Um, I feel like if more awareness was spread, people wouldn’t act the way they act” (18:39). Joseph wants people to understand that race makes no difference to a person. Better awareness within the society is a start to end the stereotyping that Joseph grew up with.
Do people’s actions and words deserve to get a rise out of individuals different from them? Is it our duty to fight ignorance and discrimination for the improvement of the younger generation’s future? For being in such a liberal part of the Midwest, she has faced more discrimination than anywhere else. Growing up in three different states, Louisiana, Maryland, and Missouri, her childhood has been shaped to fit the social norm around her. Starting with Louisiana, the southern United States. It wasn’t always easy being an African-American woman in a racist part of town. Growing up with other kids and having them be disgusted by her appearance. She was judged for everything, even the very words she spoke. Apparently being “very articulate with [her] words” and using proper English was not a fad in southern Louisiana (04:21). She was taught well by her mother but was unfortunately made fun of “trying to be white” for not using social slang (04:59). She was not trying to be something she wasn’t; she was living the only way she knew how. They accused her of thinking she was better than the other kids. When she saw other kids experiencing similar racial profiling, she asked for help. She asked her school administrators and they claimed they couldn’t do anything about it. She disagreed, “there is something [they] can do about it. [They] just don’t want to do anything about it” (09:30). She was always “an outcast” and she never even got along with other African-Americans (05:05). She did get “along with white people” but they would often “cross the line” in some of the things they would say (05:05). She has always been isolated because she was different from everybody else. Much like in They Were Just People by Bill Tammeus and Jacques Cukierkorn, a collection of true stories that tell about personal times during the Holocaust. One story in particular about Zygie and Sol Allweiss, a portion of the story says that Zygie was taken in by a nice family because the Germans did not view the “Jews as fellow human beings” much like someone would isolate a person just for their color or appearance (They Were Just People).
When she was in early high school, she began to change; she realized that she was sexually attracted to girls. For her, this was the third tier for social discrimination, and her guardians were not supportive at all. For years she’s been hearing horrible things from the people that she thought were her role models. “We don’t want you to be gay” her mother exclaims, “We want you to have a nice little marriage, with a man” (12:13). Hearing that at an already rebellious age made her even more afraid to express herself. She would try and “force [herself] to be with guys…[she] would always keep going back to girls” (12:13). Trying to be something she was not, she was starting to see that if she tried to live up to her mother’s expectations, she would be miserable her entire life. She realized if her family really loved her, they would not try to change who she already was.
Kansas City is overall, a politically divided city. You have liberals and conservatives; you have safe spaces and places of discrimination. A place that has been safe in her judgment is her place of work. Starbucks has given her a space to be herself and work freely without worry of judgment. She hasn’t “dealt with any racism from [her] co-workers” or “any homophobia” because everyone who works there comes from different backgrounds (14:23). It is important to surround ourselves with positive energy and supportive people, and she found that at her place of work.
So, I asked her what it was like being African-American, homosexual, and a woman. “Sometimes being a woman is like, the third tier” she exclaims (16:08). She has experienced discrimination in all three categories, and the one person she should trust has let her down the most. When she was a young teenager, she was beginning to question her sexuality. “[Her] mother found out that [she] liked girls, and she treated [her] like absolute garbage” (16:40). Her mother took away all of her privileges so she couldn’t contact girls. Her mother used her own religion against her, saying “that’s not what God wants from you” and drove her away from Christianity (16:40). She considered her religion to be her safe space and when her mother used it against her to tell her what she was doing was wrong, she made the decision not to follow any religion. Her mother was ashamed and told her not to express herself on social media out of fear of being embarrassed, but she wasn’t about to change who she was to gratify people she barely even knew. Her relationship with her mother was deteriorating slowly over a period of time, and she has said some crazy things. Her mother asked why she couldn’t be like other parents and “just have to deal with [her] being boy crazy” and not be ashamed of her daughter (19:47). It is hard on her now because she unfortunately still lives with her mother, and their relationship is toxic. It is hard when someone longs for a good relationship with a parent but keeps having to push them away because they aren’t supportive or loving in the ways one would expect. Luckily, she has a strong relationship with her father; she is not completely unsupported in her journey.
One can either dwell on the past or learn from it. This brave young woman has chosen to learn from her past and it has made her so much stronger. “It doesn’t matter if you’re in the black community, it doesn’t matter if you hang around with straight people, gay people, like there is always going to be somebody, somebody that has an issue with you” (24:00). She strives to make a change by encouraging people to be more accepting and open-minded. She gives advice to people in similar situations, “do anything to relieve your stress” she says (26:15). She encourages people not to entertain racism, bigotry, or homophobia. She always picks her battles wisely and intervenes when she feels it is the right thing to do. She doesn’t feel the need to react to everything thrown her way. Patience and tolerance are key for her to live stress-free. “Not every reaction needs a reaction” and I feel everyone should introduce this to their lives and learn from situations (07:13). We as a society should not be focusing on isolating people because they are of a different race, sexuality, or gender. If we express our voice and fight the ignorance and the prejudice in this country, we may be a virtuous nation once again.
