Culture – From Us To Them

A Day in The Life of Margaret Phillips

Kelly Pingeton, Portrait of Maggie Phillips in her senior year of high school, 2018, All rights reserved.

I am a Freshman at UMKC. One day, we were told we had to interview someone who was different than ourself. The difference could be several different things including race, religion, etc. I instantly thought about my friend Margaret, who I call Maggie. We are very close, however, she is different than me in many ways. I chose Maggie not only because she is my friend, but because I admire everything about her. She is easily one of the strongest people I know, despite not being what everyone expects her to be. During our interview, I asked Maggie to tell a little bit about herself, “My name is Margaret Phillips [gestures toward self] and I was adopted from China when I was 11 months old uh—I grew up in a small town called Braymer, Missouri. Umm—I have four older brothers and my mom. My dad passed away when I was 13” (00:07). As the interview went on, I learned things about Maggie I had not known before including her love for sports. “Yes—with the sports I played which were softball, basketball, and track I kinda felt like the underdog” (08:23). Now anyone who doesn’t know Maggie personally might be wondering why she feels like, as she says, an underdog compared to her teammates. “They wouldn’t expect someone who looks like me to be very good at all, but it was nice because then I could show everyone how good I was they would be like “what?” and oh yeah it doesn’t help at all that I’m only 5 feet tall [smiles]” (08:40). I asked Maggie to describe herself a little more for those who don’t know her and she said, “Yeah, I’m 5’1” and Asian and very much a tomboy.”

After interviewing Maggie, I realized the struggles she has to go through in everyday life. This only made me admire her more. While interviewing Maggie, it was clear to me that she could rise above the looks, whispers, and judgments of those around her. Eventually, I had to ask her, “Were there any times you have ever wished you could change specifically just the way you look?” and not surprisingly, she answered, “No.” In a later question, I asked if she ever considered what her life would be like if she didn’t have her difference. Maggie made it very clear that she has thought about things like this before because, who hasn’t? At the end of the day, she very much loves her life. It is clear to me that what other people, including myself, may see as struggles, Maggie only sees these obstacles as learning and growing experiences. Throughout the interview I wanted to get some personal experiences from Maggie, to see the world through her eyes. So, I asked, “…can you describe a specific incident where you felt out of place or different because of your difference?” (04:44) and so she did, “Umm [looks away]—it’s hard for me to live up to people’s standards of me [slightly moves in seat] because I am Asian I feel like people only see my looks and I feel like I should act or be a certain way [shakes head] so, for example, just yesterday I went to an Eric Church concert with my brothers and, I don’t know why [shrugs shoulders], but I felt very out of place” (05:03). This is the type of example of an everyday obstacle for Maggie. You might wonder why, why did she feel out of place? It’s just a concert, isn’t it? Well, I wondered the same thing. So, I asked her. She told me this, “Idk—I guess because it was mainly white people [looks up] and I love country music [gestures towards self] and Eric Church but [moves hand] I guess because stereotypes make it seem like specific [air quotes] types of music are targeted for certain types of people” (05:33). It’s hard to think that just because someone doesn’t look or act like everyone else they could feel so out of place.

“You always hear people say oh [air quotes] Asians are good at math.” (16:33). Throughout the interview, our conversation would stem off into new conversation until we had a whole tree of topics we were talking about. One that I realize we mentioned a lot was stereotypes. We went into a full conversation talking about just being ourselves. As I am telling everyone reading this, I told Maggie, “I really like that aspect about you, it’s very admirable” (19:27). And just then Maggie said something, “Thank you, that really means a lot to me because I try so hard to just be myself in everyday life and like we were talking about earlier I try to stray away from stereotypes and just be myself because I refuse to let a stereotype define who I am” (19:33). I began to think about what it must be like to always have people instantly assume something about you before they have even said one word to you. It’s not fair and I believe everyone should take a page from Maggie’s book and not let what other people say who she really is.

If there’s one thing I learned throughout this assignment, it’s that family is so important. Especially to Maggie Phillips. “Yeah sure so my family has always supported me through everything. I think they realize it can be a little difficult for me because of my difference and because of that they’re super supportive in all aspects of my life; school, sports, and just everyday life. They really encourage me to be the best I can be” (07:53). It’s clear to me she loves her family with all of her heart. But as you now know, Maggie was adopted at a very young age, 11 months. I wanted to know her stance on this sensitive topic. So, I asked her “Do you ever find yourself wanting to learn more about your own personal culture since you did grow up with a white family with white customs?” (09:24). Maggie’s answer was a bit shocking to me. She said, “No, not really because— I’ve tasted genuine Chinese food and I absolutely hated it. My number one thing about culture is that the food has to taste good and it also could be because I did grow up here, so I’m just not used to the food but the American greasy food is probably the best food I’ll ever taste so no, I don’t have any desire to learn any more about my heritage” (09:46). I thought this was a very sweet idea but didn’t answer what I really wanted to know. So, to continue the question, I asked Maggie, “Do you ever want to meet your real parents and learn about their lifestyle?” (10:15) Her answer was truly heartwarming, “No, because all I see them as are sperm and egg donors and my real parents are the ones that raised me and loved me and have supported me throughout my life” (10:24). At this point in time, I knew without a doubt that family was a key aspect of Maggie’s life.

After spending nearly half an hour with Maggie, I feel like I truly got a look inside of her world into her everyday life. It’s not always rainbows and sunshine, but I can tell that Maggie isn’t one to give up. She inspires me to ignore the stares, whispers, and, of course, the stereotypes. Despite our differences, we’re all just people.

Getting to Know Another Culture

On a beautiful sunny day, I got a call from a childhood friend. It has been a long time since we got the chance to talk or even catch up. His name is Singh. We both thought it would be a good day to just talk and to catch up. We decided to meet up at his house, which was in Lenexa, Kansas. He lives about 30 minutes away from downtown Kansas City. I was very excited to see my friend. Once I got to his house, we started to talk about how India was.

Before we continue Singh’s story, let me tell you about a little bit about me. I’m also Indian but my religion is Hinduism, which is different then Sikhism. I was born in America and grew up in America my whole life. I never lived in India but I have visited India. Sikhism has always fascinated me and I wanted to learn more about the culture.

Singh is from Jalandhar, India. His parents moved to the United States when he was very young. His parents moved to the United States because they wanted Singh to have a better life than they did in India. Singh told me that in India, many people are starting to do drugs at a very young age. Almost every child around drug starts doing them because of peer pressure. That’s the number one reason Singh’s parents moved to the United States. After we caught up on life, I told Singh that I have a project for a class. The project involves interviewing someone that has different views or are from a different culture. I asked him if I can interview him for the project. He agreed. Singh has a different religion and culture than me. I was born and raised in the United States. Singh was born in India, then moved here.

We started the interview at his house. I was wondering how different living in the United States and living in India could be different from each other. Singh said, “Well the biggest difference is how in America that you flip the light switch and it is on, but in India, it isn’t like that. In India some or even the whole day we don’t get any electricity. Another one is how we must fill up water in a tank for the whole house, but in America, you constantly have water any time of the day. People in India mostly wash their clothes by hand instead of machine like in America” (3:00). Those are some of the things we take for granted living in the United States. I asked Singh if he liked living in the States or India better. He replied by “Yes, I do like living in the States more than India because the quality of life here is better.” The only thing Singh doesn’t like about the States is that he really misses his aunt and uncles. I don’t blame him. If you are close by your family you feel more at home. Singh also added that India has trash everywhere on the streets. The way you get hot water in India is by boiling water, but in the States, you just turn the handle to red and it’s hot. Singh also mentions that in India the temperature outside is the temperature inside of the house. I never really thought about how people still wash their clothes with their hands in India. People in the United States never really know how easy life in the United States is. Most people take this for granted. People should be happy about the little things in life than be complaining about conditions that can’t be changed. Singh and I both agreed that many people in the United States complain too much about how hard life really is.

What fascinates me most was Singh’s culture and religion. I asked if Singh can tell me a little bit about his religion. He said, “Yes, the religion is based on ten gurus were the messages of god. The ten gurus where human beings. There is the holy book called the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. It’s about the lineage of the ten Gurus. It’s like the Bible in way but different” (12:00). I wanted to learn more about his religion and the meaning of the word Sikh. So, I did some research of my own over the religion. The word Sikh means disciple, seeker, and learner. Sikhism firstly originated in northern Punjab (a state of India) around the end of the 15th century. Sikhism is also the ninth largest religion in the world. Sikhism is based on the first Guru Nanak’s spiritual teachings also the nine gurus after Guru Nanak. Guru Gobind Singh named the Guru Granth Sahib, which is the Sikh bible. There is also a baptism in the Sikh religion, it’s called ammrit sancar. During the baptism, a sweetened water is stirred with a double-edged sword while prayers are sung. It is then drinking by the person who is being baptized. Most Sikhs don’t get baptized. Sikhs who are baptized wear the five K’s. The five K’s are kes (uncut hair), kangha (small wooden comb), kara (circular steel or iron bracket), kirpan (sword), and kacchera (special undergarment). That’s what Sikhism is in a nut shell and it’s an amazing religion in my opinion.

Arsh Dhillon, “Portrait of the Ten Gurus”, 2019, All rights reserved.

One of the prejudices I heard about Sikhs is called the 1984 Sikh massacre. This was a series of pogroms against Sikhs in India. It was a response to the assassination of Indira Gandhi by her Sikh bodyguard. There was an operation called Blue Star that happened between June 1 to 8,1984 by Prime Minister Indira Gandhi to remove religious leader Jarnail Bhindranwale and his armed militants from Amritsar, Punjabi. These led the two Sikh bodyguards to assassinate Indira Gandhi. The government and the common people started to beat Sikhs and kill Sikh. About 8,000 to 17,000 Sikhs were killed in 40 cities across India. This was just like what Hilter did in getting rid of the Jews.

Another thing I wanted to know was what holidays Singh celebrated. Singh said, “There is Vaisakhi which is the celebration of the Khalsa brotherhood. You go to the temple. In the temple, there is many varieties of food and a lot of other activities you can do. They have volleyball tournaments and even basketball tournaments. My favorite part is when we have a parade that goes around the block, which is five to six miles. There is a trailer for people who can’t walk or for older people. Also, on the trailers are were the priests sing the cultural songs. There are also people carrying drinks like water and juice. People carrying trash bags and chips too. It’s a very cool experience. Another one is Diwali which is the celebration of freedom. It’s just like the fourth of July. In Diwali people light candles unlike the fourth of July. We also turn on every light in the house and put the candles in the middle or around the house. Other than that, it’s just like 4^th of July” (14:45). I went to Vaisakhi with Singh and it was one of the best days of my life. Vaisakhi was packed with excitement and the people were so kind, it was just amazing. Especially the food was so delicious, the food was packed with out of this world flavoring. I would recommend anyone to go and you will love the experience, plus you won’t forget about Vaisakhi.

Arsh Dhillon “Portrait of Punjabi Culture”, 2019, all rights reserved

Overall, this interview with Singh was just a beautiful experience. I learned so much about another culture and religion. A religion that is just beautiful in every way. I am really appreciative for Singh spending his time valuable time with me. I would encourage other people to go out and explore the different cultures that we have in the United States. It really changes your perspective on life because you learn about different religions and cultures. Explaining a different culture or religion is complicated, but you must experience the culture for yourself to fully understand it.

Why Settle?

This year I began college at the University of Missouri. Coming from a small farm town to Kansas City, Missouri, was a dramatic change. I wanted to get the most I could out of this new chapter of my life, so I joined groups that sparked my interest. I joined a women’s Christian sorority on campus called Gamma Alpha Lambda, and there I met Juliana Chi.

I had known Juliana for only a short period of time before I had the chance to sit down with her to enjoy a much deeper conversation. She is genuinely one of the kindest people I have ever met. In addition, she is incredibly open to letting me share her story with my current class that is focusing on diversity. We also managed to dive deeper during our conversation on how America as a society is settling for cultural ignorance, and how others may share these same experiences in a predominantly white American culture today.

Juliana’s mother immigrated to the United States about thirty years ago. Juliana is the only one of her siblings to be born and raised in Kansas City. Juliana’s family places its strongest ties with Panamanian culture; however, her grandfather is Chinese. Juliana went back to Panama with her family to finish her junior and senior year of high school. Once she graduated she was admitted to the University of Missouri as a French major. I asked Juliana to tell me things she has experienced in her life that have impacted her in regards to culture.

“Juliana and her father performing a Folkloric Panamanian traditional dance,” date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana had an overall enjoyable childhood. Her first memory of ever feeling like something set her apart from others in her community was when she displayed a Folkloric Panamanian traditional dance at her school talent show with her father around kindergarten or first grade. “I just felt like people or kids would think it was weird and so I just remember feeling so embarrassed about it,” she recalled (2:08). It was a dance her mother found joy in as well as herself, but while performing it in front of a majority of people that did not have her same background of knowledge or culture, she felt like an outsider. Her teachers praised her, however, she still felt insecure about the inner conflicts she kept inside.

“Traditional Panamanian foods,” date unknown, all rights reserved.

Juliana’s friends and peers did not always understand why she did things differently from them. People were not intentionally making comments that made her feel separated from the crowd, but rather the cultural divide of understanding between her and her American friends. These differences often became apparent when Juliana would bring lunches to school, have friends over, or have exceptionally different rules to follow set by her parents. “I definitely had experiences like at school where I would bring food from home, and kids would be confused, it wasn’t the traditional Wonder Bread sandwich,” (6:19). Juliana explained how her mother was an amazing cook who made sure everyone ate home-cooked foods that often originated from Panama. Peers at Juliana’s school were befuddled when Juliana brought dishes like seafood soup or rice and beans to school (6:43). Understandably, it made Juliana feel out of place.

As Juliana faced these inner self-conflicts, she did her best to make herself “Latina enough” or “American enough” depending on who she was around. For example, she would do her best to not mention things that were related to her Latin culture around her American friends, and vice versa with her Latina friends. If her friends came over she would be nervous when her mother slipped up on her English or if she made a Panamanian dish that her friends thought was weird. Juliana explained that even though it was a challenge, she found friendships in high school with people who could relate to her. Even though they didn’t share her exact same cultural background, they knew what it was like to have so many different roots. “There’s a beauty to that kind of relationship,” (8:35).

“Juliana in a traditional Panamanian dress,” Date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana then made a point that our society should focus on today, just because you don’t grow up somewhere, doesn’t mean that’s not where you find your identity. Wherever you feel most comfortable, that’s where you should be able to say you are from without any backlash. I stated before that my class focuses on diversity, but we are also deeply centered on the history of the Holocaust. One of our assignments was to watch the film Jud Suss, directed by Viet Harlan, a film used as Nazi propaganda against the Jews. In a portion towards the beginning of the film, the Jewish antagonist, Joseph Oppenheimer, tells a beautiful young German woman, “I do not have a home, the world is my home,” (Jud Suss, Veit Harlan, 1940, 14:10-14:22). This was a stereotype emphasized by the phrase “wandering Jew” that Nazi Germany used to tell others that the Jews do not have a home because they do not belong anywhere. However, having one place that you call home does not encompass your entire identity, wherever you feel at home and what feels right in relation to who you are is all that matters.

“Juliana in another traditional Panamanian dress,” Date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana explained that for the most part, she has not had many outstanding circumstances of discrimination or feeling as though people were against her for who she is. However, she had one incident she will always remember. She was working for a shoe store in Kansas City and had just put her two weeks notice in. The store had just received a new manager, and that day he was showing around a new employee. Everything was fine until he decided to introduce the two, “Her name is Juliana or WHO-liana? Whatever, however you say it in Panamanian,” her boss explained. Juliana replied, “It’s actually Spanish but okay,” (19:44). The manager then told the new employee Juliana was leaving them by saying, “Yeah her visa’s ending,” (20:34). Juliana found his comment hurtful and she was overall taken aback. When she said she was actually born in America, he acted surprised. This kind of ignorance is exactly what needs to be exterminated in American society today. Juliana stated that he wasn’t trying to be hurtful, he was just trying to make a joke but it came out offensive unintentionally. However, anything that is mocking a person’s identity is nothing to poke fun at. I personally understood what it was like for people to make fun of something that takes up such a large portion of your identity as I was often made fun of in grade school for being Native American. Behind every joke is a little bit of truth or at least what that person thinks, therefore legitimizing the lie.

I sympathized with Juliana for having to go through that situation. It’s not something that anyone should have to fall victim to, however it happens every day at schools, workplaces, etc. I asked what Juliana thinks needs to change in American society today, she said, “Have a much more integrated holistic educational system that includes other languages and learning about other cultures, rather than just a very narrow minded perspective,” (25:08). This very statement made me reflect on my educational system I grew up in. Every time we went over American history, teachers had a noticeable lack of concern for the Native American portion and it did not settle well with me. I took a history class during my first semester at the University of Missouri and learned many things I had no idea about. Why does American culture “sugar coat” history? If everything was up front from the start, as well as diving into the significance of all cultures, wouldn’t we have a much more open and tolerant society as a whole?

“Juliana today in Kansas City, MO,” 2019, all rights reserved.

Juliana explained that this seems to be the current American ideology: “Well if we implement our belief systems, into these completely different cultures, it’ll work for them and they’ll have a much better life,” (28:24). When one thinks about that point of view, it is undeniable how willfully disrespectful and ignorant so many people can truly be. It’s hard growing up being prideful of your own country and who you are to discover that there are in fact many things that need to change. It is good to be prideful of where you are from and we have reason to take pride in being American, but that doesn’t mean that we need to whitewash everyone who comes in.

American society as a whole has come a long way, but why not strive to be the best country for anyone who moves here? Why not strive to teach our children about the wonderfully diverse cultures and people that live right here in our own neighborhoods? Why not have school systems that focus on truth rather than semi-fiction? Why settle? America can do it, but it starts with every individual and their choices on how to treat others. It starts with you.