Wishing and praying.
Constantly pleading to God that he was something else.
He wanted to be what he was taught was right
So, with that he remained
Wishing and praying.
Hating himself for something he thought he could control,
But it seemed he had no choice.
Why was it wrong if he had no choice?
So, he kept
Wishing and praying.
Trying to hide what he was,
But everyone could tell.
He became bullied, and belittled
Wanting to stop it all from happening, because it must be his fault he thought.
So, he still kept on
Wishing and praying.
Like a caterpillar wishing to turn into a bird.
This was impossible for it wasn’t the caterpillars choice to be what he was,
Convinced he needed to change he kept
Wishing and praying.
His family and church taught that what he was wasn’t right.
That it was possible for the caterpillar to become a bird,
That there should be no caterpillars.
He tried and tried so much he hated himself,
Depressed and broken the caterpillar curled up and built up walls.
There defeated he once more was
Wishing and praying.
Time passed and the caterpillar decided that he needed to accept who he was.
As the caterpillar broke out of this self hate and depression,
He discovered that he had transformed into his true self.
Why had he ever wished and prayed for so long to be something he wasn’t?
He realized he now was a beautiful butterfly!
He had left behind the self hating, wishing, and praying caterpillar.
He loved himself now and that was all that mattered.
Finally free to spread his wings he didn’t care what others thought,
Their opinions were left beneath him.
Why had he ever been wishing and praying?
He was already something so wonderful.
This is a painting done by Ryan himself,
representing him finally expressing his true
colors and venturing out into the unknown.
All rights reserved to Ryan George.
I was inspired to write this poem the way I did because one of the things during Ryan’s interview that really made an impact on me was when he was talking about how he used to pray to God every night to make him straight. It is sad to know how he thought that he needed to be something that he wasn’t. Also, he thought that he wasn’t enough, which caused him to hate himself until he realized that he is amazing just the way he is and that there is nothing wrong with him. I didn’t mention how he was different literally in the poem because I want whoever reads this to be able to use their own interpretation so that it won’t only apply to those in the LGBTQ. This is because there are so many differences out there that I feel this poem should represent too, and by writing it the way I did anyone could identify with it. I used the simile of him being a caterpillar wanting to be a bird showing that what he wanted couldn’t happen because he wasn’t meant to be a bird or straight. This representation of his struggles was inspired by Maus by Art Spiegelman because he uses animals to represent the different kinds of people in his book. For my poem, I am using the birds to represent straight people, caterpillars to represent closeted LGBTQ people, and butterflies to represent people who accept themselves and feel free to be who they really are. The caterpillar in the poem is when Ryan was in that stage of hating and denying himself he hadn’t realized who he really was yet. When he said he would pray to god every night and that he was trying to hide from everyone that he was gay. This is why he turns into a butterfly to express that he is free now because he realizes who he truly is and that it is okay for him to express himself. After all, that time where he felt trapped inside because of the fear of what other people would think, Ryan was finally free to be who he was made to be.
In the poem Wishing and Praying by Aislinn Bestgen, it talks about not only about coming out, but it is truly an inspiration of what it means to accept yourself. The poem begins by talking about how the interviewee was consistently pleading to God to be something different. This is an example of how society has created these limitations and restriction on people. The poem continues by talking about how he began hating himself and hoping nobody would find out who he truly is. He continues hating himself because he feels as if he has no choice, no ability to change who he is. This is an example of how society truly makes us oppress our feelings and true personalities because it does not fit in. Eventually, overtime he learns maybe he shouldn’t be so worried about what others think and how society is. He then realizes that maybe he should embrace what he is and let everyone know who he is. The poem shows this by comparing him to a caterpillar, where currently he is still waiting to grow and become a butterfly. After a while, the poem states that he finally decided to accept himself and as soon as he did that, he finally became a wonderful butterfly. After becoming this butterfly, he quickly wonders to himself why would he ever try to hide this? So, this poem is a prime example that we should not be so quick to hide our true personalities because of how society views them. I personally love this poem because it not only is an advocate for coming out, but it can truly apply to anyone. If you have anything that you feel society would reject, this poem shows that maybe you should just embrace it and you will realize how truly beautiful you are.