Tag: Women

Stereotypical

Hello … “I am Vietnamese American” (00:28)

That is her difference or in other words, her origin

Her experiences made her feel out of place and separated

Does her appearance have to be questioned or debated?

Growing up was rough

And at times she felt like she had to be tough

But at the end of the day

All that matters is if Salina is okay

One time in Branson

A young white man yelled, “Are you African?” (04:00)

She found it pretty weird

That speaking her native language could be as odd as it appeared

Let’s take it back to when she was picked on

For being the only Asian American in her grade

Aren’t you supposed to be the one making the straight A’s?

She attended a predominantly white school

And that experience was the moment she realized her difference wasn’t ‘cool’

She wished she would have changed the school district

But that decision would have meant more conflict

Things never escalated to violence

And she definitely maintained her silence

But as Salina grew older

She become wiser and smarter

“I am not the typical petite, skinny, and short Asian girl” (00:28)

Some may cringe and stomachs may swirl

Or how about “you’re acting white” (02:00)

Why can’t we stop with the nonsense and just unite?

Kennedi Glass, Portrait of Salina Nguyen, Kansas City (University of Missouri-Kansas City), February 2019, All rights reserved.

Stereotypes can get carried away

Especially in our society today

That remains to be the biggest challenge she faces

And it can occur on a regular basis

For instance, let’s discuss her family

That gave her so much agony

“For the family members that were telling me that I was fat” (01:14 ; continued)

Are you not satisfied with my plump lips or that my stomach isn’t super flat?

Those words hurt deep inside

And was never pleasing in her eyes

Does she have to meet the standard?

Seems to me you’re more like a commander

Hearing “you’re fat” as a kid made things worse and unclear

If she were to start crying, would you be there to wipe the tear?

She even made a workout plan

Her brothers were two of her biggest fans

“If I’m skinny, I would be considered pretty or attractive” (00:31)

So she knew that she had to become more active

Do you understand that this affects your mental

But the words must’ve slipped out your mouth and were ‘accidental’

Why can’t we just empower one another

Instead of allowing others to break down and suffer

The name is Salina Nguyen and she was born in Kansas City

She celebrates her difference and has found her inner beauty

Back then, she tried to look like everyone else

But she soon realized that she didn’t have to ; she has to love herself

This interview was quite interesting

And our discussion was very intriguing

I asked her for advice to those in a similar situation

“Don’t give a [sic] what those people think” was her narration (2:23)

I felt the same way

Being judged for how we act or look is not okay

This is a norm in society

And to some, these views can cause anxiety

We didn’t discuss a lot about her culture or family background

Was she a refugee? The discussion would’ve had a huge turn around

Nothing was too extreme, just like Hitler and his persecution skemes

But I loved talking with my girl and her powerful words built my self esteem.


Floating

There they sit, on a grassy knoll

Peering up to what is beyond

Stars freckle the sky, forming the

Constellations: Virgo, Leo.


Venus and Mars shine together,

There is little room between

There they sit, all alone, feeling

As if they do not belong there.


Discomfort, dysphoria, do

They even belong here? “Perhaps,

I would be better off floating

In space,” they think, feeling empty.


Softly, they close their eyes, trying

To imagine the space between

The planets, slowly feeling

At home. The emptiness disappears.


They don’t need to belong. They are.

Author’s Statement:

I chose to write a poem inspired by my OHP interview because poems mean a lot to both me and my interview partner. My two main inspirations for my poems are Sylvia Plath and Warsan Shire.

Sylvia Plath was a lesbian poet who wrote poems about the persecution of Jews in the Holocaust, as well as concentration camps (See “Lady Lazarus” and “Daddy”). Her poems usually deal with her lack of romantic interest in men, her depression, suicidal tendencies, and also her familial issues between her, her mother, and her deceased father. She was integral to my journey to accept myself, and one of my favorite poets of all time.

Warsan Shire is a black poet who was born in Kenya, but now lives in Los Angeles. Her poems deal with gender, refugees, and toxic relationships. My interview partner introduced me to Shire and I’ve been entranced by her poems ever since. My interview partner has also found inspiration from Warsan Shire, painting a portrait inspired from Shire’s poems “For Women Who Are Difficult To Love” and “Intuition”.

Jennifer Fraley, Portrait of my Interviewee, Kansas City, February 2019, All rights reserved.

I interviewed my interviewee in reference to the Holocaust due to the fact that gender played a huge role to the treatment of prisoners in concentration camps and death camps. A specific example of this was mentioned in our class by Dr. Jill Klein. She informed us about how, when women arrived in the camps, their heads were completely shorn. This was a drastic and unwanted change to their appearance that made the women feel like their identity was stolen from them. It was extremely demoralizing. Another change that was disastrous for the women victim’s identity was the effect of starvation on their body. They lost all curves and femininity of their body. This was extremely dehumanizing, because these women no longer appeared as the women they identified as.

Having lost a integral part of yourself such as gender identity is detrimental to one’s identity, their self-worth, and, as a whole, their mental health. When comparing my interviewee’s struggle with their gender, I see a lot of similarities between what they said, and what the Jews in camps said about their own loss of identity. I am going out of my way to state that, I am not comparing my interviewee’s suffering to the Jews’ suffering in the concentration camps. I am exclusively referring to their appearance and the effects of that appearance on their identity.

Dr. Klein mentioned how the women in the concentration camps felt “formless”, or that they appeared like a man when in the camps. This is because of the previously mentioned starvation that they had to endure. The loss of most, if not all, of their bodily fat rendered their form far less feminine than when they entered. My interviewee mentioned how their “goal body type is to be completely formless” (06:11). For them, the fact that they have feminine bodily features is similarly distressing to how these women victims felt losing these same features.

Dr. Klein also mentioned that these women victims often would skip meals in order to preserve their feminine identity. In the early to mid 1940s, it was not commonly known that starvation caused amenorrhea. Instead, the female victims in the camps believed the Nazis were poisoning their food in order to make them infertile. At this time, having children was a massive part of the feminine identity, and the idea of becoming sterile was like losing an integral piece of themselves. These women would often reject what little food they received in order to preserve their identity as a woman.

These tendencies towards harming oneself, intentionally or unintentionally, in an attempt to achieve or maintain a gender identity is unfortunately common. My interview partner mentions their struggles, “I would wear three sports bras and I would fold them all down so that I would have no chest.” (03:16) At first glance, this doesn’t seem dangerous, but constricting the ribcage in this manner can have serious consequences. It can lead to difficulty breathing, and an increased risk of dislocating or even damaging the ribcage.

When I authored this poem, I wanted to focus on themes of space, a feeling of not belonging, and loneliness. These were the main things I felt that my interview partner experienced with their struggles and the recurrent idea of “floating in space” (00:45) between genders. I wanted to convey that to my reader, so I went for a more literal interpretation. I chose to specifically mention Leo and Virgo, as those are constellations that have implied genders. Virgo representing a motherly woman, and Leo as a male lion. Similarly, Mars is a Roman symbol of masculinity, stemming from the god of war, and Venus is a symbol of femininity, coming from the Roman goddess of fertility and beauty.

Each line is 8 syllables, keeping with the theme of astronomy, as there are eight planets in our solar system. There are four stanzas, as there are four planets on either side of the asteroid belt. Eight is also my personal favorite number. I separated the very last line in order to give it more emphasis, as that’s the main point of the poem. That one doesn’t need to necessarily belong where they think they need to. It isn’t easy to accept that one may not meet the standards that they impose, but sometimes it can’t be helped.

Claire

The sunlight slips through the shutters of Claire’s bedroom. It is a frigid winter morning. The sky is clear and the sun is shining, but a bone chilling wind keeps the temperature just above freezing. Claire wakes up and walks to the bathroom. Her husband Joe is still asleep. She brushes her teeth and washes her face. She looks at her reflection in the mirror and wishes she looked different. A long and lonely wrinkle crossed her forehead revealing her age. She does her makeup and changes her clothes.

When she opens the door the frigid breeze rushes past her face. It feels sharp and makes her shiver. She rolls up her scarf and starts walking the dog down the block. Her neighbor is sitting outside as usual. She waves at him and mumbles a friendly “hello.” She always thought he was a very strange person. His wife had died many years ago, before Claire moved to the neighborhood. There were rumors about her death. That it was not an accident. That he went crazy because she wanted to leave him and he pushed her down the stairs. Claire keeps her distance and limits her interaction to a minimum. Just enough to be polite. She hurries her dog, Kara, so they can return to the warmth of the house. The wind is whooshing and Claire hates the cold. They return to the house at a fast pace. The radio is on and the smell of bacon is coming from the kitchen. Joe is up and preparing breakfast.

“Good morning babe. Are you ready to eat?” says Joe.

“Good morning. Yes, I’m starving.” replies Claire.  

“I’ll have the eggs ready in a minute. So, how was your walk? Is it cold out?” 

“Yes, it’s bitter cold and the wind is terrible. I don’t know why the sun even bothers anymore. Kara is so stubborn, she could be freezing her paws off but she refuses to come back before we complete our usual route.”

“You know how she is with you. You don’t walk with her as often as I do, that’s why she gets so excited.”

“I know, I know. I wouldn’t mind walking her more often, if the weather were nicer. I am going to make more coffee.”

“I cleaned the filter and put in more coffee already. You just need to add the water and turn it on.”

“Great. Thank you.”

After Joe leaves for work, Claire goes to her office and starts working on her computer. She works for a telecommunication company. She likes to work from home, it makes her feel comfortable. She thinks that working from home allows her to hide from her coworkers so that they can forget that she is overweight. Claire usually ignores these thoughts. Thoughts that do not correspond with her reality as a successful professional. Nevertheless, they are always present in the back of her mind. She reflects on her self-esteem every so often. About how she constructed her self-image. About all the times that people told her she needed to change. That she needed to be
different if she wanted to achieve her goals. About that agent in Florida who once told her she needed to lose weight to be an actor. That it was unacceptable for her to be overweight. Why could people not look at her beyond her appearance? Is society so blinded by vanity? Obsessed with the superficial, the superfluous and meaninglessness of the external? To the point of dehumanizing people and transforming them into living displays of acceptable looks? Why was she unacceptable? Who set the standard for women to be slim? The people who surrounded her and acted in a condescending way or treated her as if she had a disease; were they all just following the script that society set for overweight women? Her mind wonders about these thoughts as she works on her computer.

Dariusz Grosa , red and orange maple leaves on tree, from Pexels.

Winter passed. It is fall and the trees outside Claire’s house are beautifully colored. Bright yellow, red, and orange tones transform the landscape as autumn appears. Claire is working in her office as usual. The TV is on in the other room. She likes to leave it on for noise. It makes her feel that she is not alone when Joe is at work. The news is on the television. They are covering the Weinstein scandal, as new allegations of sexual harassment, assault, and rape are made public. Claire cannot focus, her social media is flooded with comments and stories, part of the #MeToo movement. Women across the nation are stepping out to tell their stories. Stories that involve men with power harassing women and participating in despicable behavior. She has been thinking a lot about it for the last couple of weeks. It is hard not to when the media is overloaded with such stories. Claire is a happily married woman. She has a good standing in life. A successful career. A lovely home. A husband who loves her. Friends and family who also love her. Everything is looking good for her. But beneath her seemingly happy life, something is burdening her.

Janice Butts, photograph of John, Shawnee KS, Spring 2019. All rights reserved.

After a while, she gets annoyed and turns the TV off. It disgusts her to keep hearing about those men. It makes her feel angry and upset. Her cat shows up and stares at her silently from across the room. His big feline eyes look directly into hers as if he knows that she is hiding something. It appears that he is looking for an unspoken truth behind her eyes. She looks at him and tears start to roll slowly down her cheeks. Something inside her has surfaced, something painful. She sits on the floor and cries aloud. Kara comes in and sits next to her, licking her face, trying to comfort her. Claire lays on the floor, now in silence. Kara lays with her. The voices of many women who were victims as she is resonating in her head. She feels compelled to face a painful memory that she has kept secret for many years.

Joe returns from work in the afternoon and finds Claire in bed. She is asleep. He approaches her and kisses her softly so as not to wake her up. He goes downstairs to the kitchen and Kara comes to welcome him. He pets her and enters the kitchen. The counter is messy and there are two empty wine bottles in the sink. He is surprised; it is not normal for Claire to leave a mess like that. There is a pan on the stove with two steaks in it. He checks the fridge and finds a big bowl of salad ready. He starts cleaning and cooking the steaks. The table is already set. Dinner is ready, so he goes to get Claire. He calls her gently, and tells her dinner is ready. She looks at him with a blank face.

“What’s wrong babe? Are you ok?” Asks Joe.

“Hi Joe. I am sorry I fell asleep. I had some wine and just felt tired.” Says Claire.

“Don’t worry about that. I took care of it. Is there something wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”

She reaches for him in a hug with her face in his chest and starts crying. He holds her and pats her back. He does not know what is happening. He is confused and scared.

“Claire, please. What’s wrong honey? What happened?”

“Joe. I’m sorry I just can’t stand it anymore. I have to tell you something.”

They have a long chat. Claire shares her story with him. It happened many years ago when she was 22. She was at a bar with friends and had argued with a man, who later followed her home and assaulted her. He was a young and very unpleasant man. Claire had responded to some rude comments that he made about her at the bar. Something happened in his mind that drove him to violence. Perhaps he felt empowered to do it. Maybe he felt that he needed to prove his control over her. No matter what the reason, it changed Claire’s life forever.

Janice Butts, painting untitled, Shawnee KS, 2016. All rights reserved.

She never reported it to the police. She did not talk about it with her parents or her friends or anybody. She felt so ashamed and scared. She felt that it was her fault. She carried it as a secret for 23 years. Now she was determined to report it to the police. She could not tolerate the thought that this man could be out there, still hurting women. Claire felt that this was a good moment for her to speak up. A movement was intensifying. Increasing momentum with every story, with every voice and Claire would become one of them.

“Joe, I want to report it.” Says Claire.

“If that is what you need to do. We will honey. I love you.” Answers Joe.

“Thank you. I love you too.”