School – From Us To Them

Walking Up the Stairs of Racism

“So, you think it is ok for your daughter to play with my daughter?” to which Ada’s mother responded “yes, why not?” (31:23)

Denise Oliver Velez,
Working while black: Racism at John Deere and other stories ,
Wednesday July 27, 2011, https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2011/7/27/999355/-, March 11, 2019, All Rights reserved.

This is a story about the reality of the world we live in today. It is a story about the power of a difference in a person’s life. It is the story of a young woman’s racial struggles from childhood; a young woman by the name Adanna Okorocha.

“Mum! I am going to be late for school!” the little Ada shouted. Ada – the name everyone called her – was a young girl of 11 years. She attended Maple Grove Middle School, which was one of the best private schools in Maple Grove, Alabama- the little town she lived in with her family. Born into a Nigerian family, in the United States, Ada had been different all her life. Not only is she a minority in the US, there has always been a disparity between her and other people of color, solely because of her ethnicity.

“Do you have your lunch money with you?”, asked her mother, frantically moving about, making sure her daughter was perfect for school. It was her second week of school, and she didn’t want her daughter looking like she wasn’t well taken care of. She had come to understand that being black in this country came with a lot of stereotypes, even if they did not necessarily apply to you. “Yes mum. And I have my right pair of socks and already combed my hair”. Ada answered knowing fully well what her mum was going to ask next. “Good. Be safe in school baby girl, and make sure you don’t let anyone pick on you for no reason whatsoever. You have your teachers in school to always turn to if you need any help. Ok?” she asked as she straightened out Ada’s collar. “Yes mummy! Love you! Bye!” Ada shouted as she ran towards the school bus waiting outside her house. The driver was cheerful today. He had just received his paycheck and his wife had made his favorite meal for breakfast. He didn’t mind waiting a little for this little black kid…he didn’t mind at all. There was something different about her. She wasn’t like the other African American kids he had come across in all his years of bus driving. “Good morning, Mr. Michaels!” They did not greet him the way she did. “Good morning! How are you?” he said giving her a warm smile. “I am good! How are you?” “I am good as well” he said smiling as she found her way to the back of the bus looking for a space to sit. She had to go through the usual routine of looking for space in the bus. She would find a seat, but no one wanted her to sit next to them, and that’s how her ride to school was, sitting at the back of the bus, alone every day.

Maple Grove Middle School was a predominantly white school. The top-level classes where normally filled with only Caucasians. This was a normal trend in Maple Grove. The few African Americans at this school were stuck together, not interacting with the rest of the school. At least that’s how it was supposed to be. Ada was an exception in this school. She had just come into the school and, in less than two weeks, was already in the advanced classes. The teachers were amazed at how a black girl could keep up in a class like that. “Good morning, Ada, how are you doing today?” said Ada’s English teacher. “I am doing good, Miss Ann” said Ada as she continued to her class. “How are your parents?” asked Miss Ann. Ada had gotten used to this routine of greeting. She had always sensed that her teachers thought that, because she was black, she would have issues in her family. This was a stereotype to the black people. Her family was doing fine. Her parents had been married for ten years now and had never had a significant fight. “They are doing well, Miss Ann” Ada responded as she always did. She finally got to her class and as usual moved to her seat on the right side of the class, alone, and isolated from the rest of the class. It wasn’t a new thing to her. In fact, she has been used to this treatment right from elementary school. It wasn’t the same in her other classes. The other classes she took – which had more black people in them – treated her like any other student. Why was this an exception? She had taken some math placement tests and was placed in eight grade math class while she was in the sixth grade.

“Did you understand that Ada?” asked her math teacher. “Yes, Miss Jane” Ada couldn’t understand why the teachers acted this way to her. On one hand, it was like they cared; on the other, they were just waiting for her downfall. She couldn’t tell which was happening at any moment in time. There were times when she would walk down the hallway, on her way to the cafeteria, and just as she would pass by her teachers, she would overhear them say things like “I can’t believe she is keeping up in this class” or “She is actually quite smart for a black girl”. What they did not understand was that, being smart is not a function of your skin color. Yes, she was smart, there was no doubting that. However, so were the other kids in her class, but no one made a big deal about it. Why did they think she was different? That was when it struck her. She had been in a similar situation before. She had not given it much thought until now. Her first encounter with racism happened when she was much younger.

Ada had just returned from school and as it was her routine, she dropped her bag, finished her homework and got ready to go to the playground in front of her apartment complex. Her mum, who already knew this routine, came out from her room and walked behind her little girl. The playground was not far at all. In fact, it was in their compound. But still, she was not going to take her chances with this neighborhood. No, not where black people are discriminated against. Her husband was a doctor and she had her degree in Computer science. They had just started this family and had managed to provide for their two children on a daily basis. Their first born, Ada, was a smart child and could take care of herself. But with their new born , Nonso, they had to work extra hard. Ada’s father was the only good physicians in this little town they lived in, but because he was black, everyone would rather drive for miles to the nearest health center. There had been instances when their family would go shopping at their neighborhood store and end up buying nothing because of irrational racist actions from the employees and other customers. No, there was no way she was letting her baby girl go out on her own. They had just reached the playground when they saw this little girl sitting by herself on the swing. She was white. She looked sad and six-year old Ada asked her mum if she could go play with her. “Sure, you can. Just don’t hurt yourself”. Ada joyfully ran up to the girl and asked her name. Cindy and Ada played and played until the sun went down. Her mum was so proud. She had raised a good child. They played that way every day after school, on the weekends, in the evenings just when the sun was about leaving the sky. Every time Ada crossed the gate to the playground, her friend would come right behind her. They lived in the same apartment complex but why had she never seen her friends’ parents come with her to the playground? Not even her mother. At least her own mother came and watched over the two children. She believed that was ok. This daily affair went on between these two friends until one day that Ada’s friend came down to the playground with her mother. Ada was excited because she loved meeting people, but her mum was uneasy even though she had been taking care of this person’s daughter for some time now. Cindy’s mother looked into the playground and asked her daughter who these people were. “Oh, that is my friend Ada and her mum. We play here everyday” said the innocent girl. Cindy’s mother let go of her child’s hand, walked up to Ada’s mother and asked, “So you think it is ok for your daughter to play with my daughter?” Ada’s mother responded “yes, why not?”, “Well I just thought maybe you would want to meet her parents first, you know? We are trying to raise her well and we don’t want anything to, you know, influence that in a negative way”, “What do you mean?!” Ada’s mother would not have it. This white lady had just called her daughter a bad influence. All Ada could hear from the other end of the playground was shouting and disagreement. She did not understand what was going on. She just wanted to play with her friend. The argument went on until Cindy’s mum grabbed her daughter by the hand and stormed off the playground. And so, the two little friends did not play that day.

The next day, Ada went to the playground in the evening as usual but as she neared the gate, her friend, Cindy, was stepping out of the playground. “Hey! Are you leaving?” Ada asked innocently. “Yeah. My mum said I shouldn’t play with you anymore. She said you people had no respect,”. What Cindy had just said would infuriate someone else in a similar situation, but not Ada. She did not feel bad at all. In fact, she thought it was a normal thing. “Oh ok, makes sense. Bye Cindy!” she said as she waved cheerfully to Cindy heading back to her apartment. They were not meant to be friends anyway. She was black and her friend was white. Her parents had already told her all these stereotypes about how white people treated black people. This was the same situation with Cindy and her mother. Both sides had told bad things to their children about the other. Little did they know that they were sowing disparity into the lives of these young ones. Now they would grow and pass this same seed to their children, and on and on till we finally break this chain.

This was many years ago. It all made sense to her now. What had been done to her back when she was little was still going on in her middle school. She started thinking of ways to reduce this racial treatment. She noticed that the white kids dressed in a certain way. They wore the latest shoes, clothes which she thought were “white brands,”(26:57). Whatever it took she had to change herself to fit in. She bugged her parents, saying she needed new clothes and shoes. Her request was met, but what she got were off brands. Nonetheless, she would finally fit in. But to her dismay, the very same people she tried so hard to become, laughed at her. This had happened before in history when the Nazi’s occupied Europe. The Nazis murdered the Jews simply because they hated them for their difference. Even when they seemed to give the Jews options they went back on their word and killed them anyway. Although this scenario is not as extreme, Ada never again was going to try and fit in.

Ollyy,
African young woman taking off a mask of a caucasian woman- Image,
Royalty-free stock photo ID: 102504455 , https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/african-young-woman-taking-off-mask-102504455?src=w-bhd7g14pFly3J0o0DJ5A-1-0, March 3, 2019. All rights reserved.

This one experience of her being ridiculed for trying to change, changed her mind set, and how she lives her life today. Yes, she had a lot to prove to others to break the stereotype used against her, she wasn’t going to let anyone bring her so low as to change who she was. . Although, Ada and I share the same ethnicity, we differ in terms of citizenship status, and hence our experiences with racism are completely different. Nonetheless, just as Ada had found this new hope in herself, so must we all in our struggle for acceptance. For we are who we are for us, not for “them”.

Different Stands Out

Different in society stands out no matter what the difference is. Being a different sexuality than what is considered the norm at a young age is a mountain to climb, especially when your twelve years old. The bullying or the shunning of family and friends can be detrimental to someone so young. Many things can occur when a young pre-teen is shunned for being different. Things from suicide to self-harm and severe depression. Caoilfhinn knew when she was in 6^th grade that having a crush on a girl classmate might stir up drama and trouble in her life, but she couldn’t help how much she liked Hailey.

Caoilfhinn woke up at 7:00 for school, hit snooze on her alarm clock, and wiped the sleep from her eyes as she stared at the ceiling. Once she had the drive to get out of bed, she slowly dragged herself to the bathroom and looked at her wild, short, blonde hair sticking up in the air. Caoilfhinn could hear her mother calling her name, but she ignored her and finished brushing her teeth. Getting dressed was a totally different issue. She stared at the clothes in her closet, then finally decide to just wear yoga pants and a T-Shirt to school. Caoilfhinn could hear her mother calling her again saying she was going to miss the bus, so Caoilfhinn gathered her energy, grabbed her backpack, and ran right out the door. She never bothered to even try and eat breakfast because she got up too late to even make a piece of toast. How pathetic she thought to herself as she climbed on the bus. Caoilfhinn’s stop was always the first one in the morning, so she got to pick where ever she wanted to sit which was always the same seat. The left side 11^th seat in the bus is where she always sat. It had a musky feel to it, but it was hers.

BSSD, Picture of Brittany Hill Middle School, Blue Springs, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

She starts to think about how one day she found some skinny 6th grader in her seat and how she gave him the foulest look she could come up with until he moved out. Caoilfhinn was indeed a very nice person, but she liked to sit where she sat every day since the first day of middle school. She put her headphones in and started listening to some rock music that she couldn’t put a name to. When the bus arrived at school, she would be the last one to jump out and head for her locker as fast as her feet could carry her. She threw her backpack in her locker a little more harshly than she had meant and made her way down the impossibly long hallway to her first class, 6th-grade architecture. The class was fun; they built bridges, cars, and played with online simulations, but the best part of that class to Caoilfhinn was Hailey. Hailey was tall with long brunette hair and coffee brown eyes that Caoilfhinn couldn’t help but notice each time she walked in the room. Caoilfhinn couldn’t explain the way she felt about her; she just knew that she had a hard crush for her. She noticed that crush on the second day of class when they were talking, and she hadn’t gotten rid of the feeling since. Hailey walked into class and sat next to Caoilfhinn and asked how she was doing. “Good as I can get for being in the school at eight in the morning. What about you?”

“Same here I guess, I was almost late because I missed the bus and forgot my lunch.”

“Ha how did you manage that.”

“I honestly don’t know at this point I think I’m losing my mind slowly and methodically.”

They both laughed as the teacher walked in and started teaching some nonsense about an architect computer simulation. Caoilfhinn had no interest in paying attention so she started day dreaming about swimming with some friends when schools out. The class ended and Hailey had said a quick goodbye and left faster than usual. Caoilfhinn practically ran to her second-period class which was orchestra. It was her favorite class; most of her friends were in the class and she got to play the violin. Today, since it was a day after a concert, they would play hide the bow and eat some food. Kristen was walking on to the stage at the same time as her and said good morning. “Hey Ca-waffle, what’s up?” Ca-waffle was her nickname that her friends called her because of the way her name was spelled. Caoilfhinn was pronounced (Kay-Len) but her mother gave her an Irish spelling to her name, so her friends nicknamed her Ca-waffle after seeing the way her name was spelled. She loved the nickname her friends gave her because it made her feel accepted and unique to her peers. “Nothing much Kristen but we should for real pick up the pace or we’re going to be late again.”

Caoilfhinn Fulkerson, Filtered Picture of Caoilfhinn, Blue Springs, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

“Ugh story of my life Ca-waffle.” Kristen gave one of her specialty eye rolls as they picked up the pace. “You would think one day you two would be on time.” Hannah said. She was another good friend and violinist. “Well today is not that day and setting up a cello takes so long I don’t even know why I bother anymore.” Kristen said with a tired sigh.

The orchestra played hide the bow and ate food while watching a recording of their performance the night before. Caoilfhinn took off to her other classes for the day until 7th period which was canceled for the school talent show, then Caoilfhinn sat next to Katelyn, a girl she had been itching to talk to since her crush on Hailey developed. Katelyn was open about her feeling about boys and girls so Caoilfhinn wanted some advice from her. Caoilfhinn also wanted Katelyn to tell some stories and share experiences with her the way Artie wanted Vladek to share his stories in Maus so he can better understand. During the performances, Caoilfhinn told her she had feelings for Hailey and Katelyn responded with pleasure. “Good for you Ca-waffle, there isn’t nothing you should freak out about, your perfectly normal.” After school was out Caoilfhinn made her way home and told her mom and one of her friends that she had feelings for both boys and girls. They both supported her and told Caoilfhinn she was perfect the way she was.

ShutterShock.com “Rainbow in a Forest” Animated Picture Art, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

The next morning, she got on the bus and went to school but something seemed off. People were staring at her when she walked in the hall and she couldn’t figure out why until one of her best friends Ashley came running up to her. “YOU’RE BI!” Ashley exclaimed. “Yea, how did you know?” Caoilfhinn asked with panic setting in her stomach. “Dude everyone in the school knows now,” Ashley said with a more hushed tone. Great Katelyn can’t keep her trap shut for one day. All of a sudden Logan and a couple of his buddies were in the hallway, they were the meanest kids in the entire school. They spotted Ashley and Caoilfhinn talking together and started shouting that they were gay for each other and the new grossest couple in the school. A few kids laughed and the others just looked away and headed to class and that’s how the year of hell began. The relentless teasing from those boys went on for a year and the thought that Ashley and Caoilfhinn were a couple. During that year Hailey stopped talking to Caoilfhinn completely and she even switched out of their architecture class. One day Ashley and Caoilfhinn were sitting together and those boys really went in deep for them. “Look at the lesbian couple at table 12,” the short one said they all started to laugh but the girls became experts at ignoring their insults. “Hey, why the hell can’t you mind your own freaking business!” Kristen yelled as she and Hannah were huffing to the table.

Kristen Ballhurst, Filtered Picture of Caoilfhinn and Kristen, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

The boys just laughed some more and returned to their food. “Sorry about that you guys, I can’t believe people think your dating just because Ca-waffle is bi.” Hannah huffed. “It’s ok I honestly didn’t expect me coming out would have such an effect on the on me or the people around me, but I’m sorry to say that I don’t care. I am who I am. If they can’t understand that, then they can suck my big toe,” Caoilfhinn said as she ate an old sandwich. “There ain’t nothing to be sorry about and if they do have issues, then they can suck all of our big toes.” Ashley laughed the part out while eating her salad.

That year was hell for Caoilfhinn mostly just because of those group of boys. Being different from the rest of her peers stood out in a way she never thought possible. The boys found new targets for their teasing and her world seemed to go back to normal. That 6th grade year changed her life forever and the friends that stuck by her side were there through high school. Looking back on that year she was happy she was able to ignore those boys and just be able to get through that year with her friends. Being different from the people who surround you is hard for anyone. Although Caoilfhinn would never consider changing herself for any one, she always knew that different stands out and that’s a good thing.

ShutterShock.com, ”Ice Rainbow” Animated Picture Art, April 2019. All Rights Reserved

Bullying in America

All my life I spent most of my time playing video games, so when I met Brandon in middle school and figured out that he played the same types of video games on the same platform, we instantly clicked with each other. And for the next six years, we spent most of our time out of school playing various types of video games with each other. But one thing that we never really spoke to each other about was our backgrounds. So that’s why I chose to do this interview with him: so I can learn more about his past, at other schools in the rough parts of the neighborhood, and how being of Asian descent has affected him growing up.

After my second question, I was already surprised by one his answer. He told me that “When I was little I always thought I was a normal American and that I wasn’t Asian because at home my mom really only spoke English and I barely knew how to speak Vietnamese.” (00:30) I could see where the thought process comes from. When I was young and just playing around with all the other kids at school, looking hard at one another and trying to figure out everyone’s differences wasn’t the main priority. The main goal was to just play and have fun. With everybody learning English and being too young to understand that people could be different, kids could easily come to the conclusion that everybody is the same.

Continuing on with the interview, I found out that his parents fit the Asian stereotypes. He told me that when he was going through school, his parents pressured him to succeed, and if his grades started to fall behind then his dad would make him pick up a book or start studying so he can raise his grades back up. His dad would also forbid him to play video games so he could solely focus on studying and improving grades. This wasn’t too surprising to hear; this is one of the most common Asian stereotypes that people hear. Following with the next question, I was told that kids at his school would only reinforce the stereotypes because they would talk about Asians being smart, which was another part of society pressuring him to succeed and to continuously adhere to the stereotype. But this was just one “positive” stereotype, the kids at school would also make fun of him with the negative stereotypes, such as the one about Asians eating dogs. They would just poke fun at him saying immature things such as, “Do you eat dogs?” And the best way Brandon could face the problem was to just go along with jokes, so then everybody could move on and there would be less conflict. However, that just continued to reinforce the stereotypes. It didn’t solve the problems in society.

This leads to why Brandon spent most of his time playing video games. “I felt truly accepted when I was at home playing video games with my friends online because I could relate to them and had fun playing and sort of forgot my pressures and could enjoy life.” (02:21). He used them as an escape mechanism. Instead of having to deal with the trouble makers at school while also dealing with the pressure to succeed from his parents he could just have fun playing games by himself at home or a few people who he met online. This isn’t too surprising to hear as games being used as an escape mechanism isn’t anything new. Lots of people have done it, whether it’s to escape bullying, relieve stress, or ignore family problems.

Moving on to how Brandon feels today, he tells me that it’s a lot better in college. People don’t really say anything mean at all but he still has the pressure from his parents to succeed. This could easily relate to age and maturity. In middle school, kids don’t fully understand the impacts of their actions, and even in high school, most 16-year-old students can still act immature and constantly reinforce stereotypes with the types of “jokes” they tell.

When I asked Brandon how others in his situation could deal with it, he told me that they should talk to a teacher or counselor. But when I asked him if he himself told anyone about what was going on, he told me no. He said, “I felt too scared to talk to them because the situation could have gotten worse because if you told a teacher something, you could be labeled as a snitch and the bullies would target you more.” (04:10). So when I asked him later “If you could change any one thing about society, what would it be?”, he said “…to improve the help people should be receiving when they do talk to a teacher or counselor because today there really isn’t much help, they listen a bit to your story and there is almost no punishment or any change, so the people continue being bullies…” (04:27).

And I completely agree with his stance. During our times in middle school and high school, the principals constantly told students that they shouldn’t be afraid to speak up if they are getting harassed. But there was always that fear of being labeled a snitch and getting targeted more. And the main reason for that was because nothing was ever done about the situation. Today we constantly hear on the news about how someone at school was either beaten up or constantly harassed to point where the student didn’t even want to show up at school anymore. While reading into the story, we can see that most of the time the student or parent actually did notify a teacher or principal, but nothing was ever done until it was too late and the situation escalated to the point where actual authorities had to be called. Teachers rely more on anti-bullying policies than actually helping the student themselves. This goes back to why students are too afraid to ask for help: the teacher will most likely not take the bullying seriously or lack the skills to emotionally help the student, which causes students to be embarrassed, or afraid of getting teased even more after asking for help.

If left untreated, bullying and racism can slowly build into something dangerous. Recently there was a story published on CNN by Eliott C. McLaughlin talking about how one fifth grade girl attacked Raniya, another fifth-grade student, who later died from her injuries. One of the most relevant points in the story is how the victim’s mother told school administrators that there was a student harassing her daughter even going back to the previous school year. A few weeks before the fight, Raniya was asking her mom if she could stay at home to avoid coming to school completely. And yet even with the parents’ concern, nothing had been done to perpetrator. No talking to, no punishments, no separation from the victim. The victim’s mother told the teacher that she was “leaving it in her hands to do something about it,” but when Raniya came back home, she told her mother that the teacher hadn’t raised the issue. School administrators need to take more actions against bullying instead of just saying “We’ll look into it”.

Another thing we can take away from this story is how no one else stepped in to help the victim. The victim’s classmates did acknowledge that they saw the bully harass the victim into the fight throughout the day, but they didn’t step in to help, not even once considering how the bullying has been going on for the past year. But that can be blamed on the weak administration when Brandon mentioned earlier that he was too afraid to speak up because he could be targeted more, the same could be said for all of the witnesses in almost all bullying scenarios. If only one person steps in to help, that person would most likely be afraid of also becoming a target.

In the book “The Drowned and the Saved” by Primo Levi, a Holocaust survivor, he mentions the term “Useless Violence”. The term can be simply defined as the desire to inflict pain and suffering without any reasoning. He used it to describe how concentration camps were designed to provoke terror, suffering, and pain instead of killing the prisoners fast and efficiently. We can describe Brandon’s case, Raniya’s case, or any case of bullying as “Useless Violence”. The bullies have no reason to act the way they do, they are only causing the victims to suffer for no good reason.

As a society, we all need to do our part in creating a more open, friendly, and trustworthy community. People need to understand how their actions affect others. Bullies especially need to understand the dangers of reinforcing extremely negative stereotypes or causing harm towards people who are different from them for no reason. We all have the ability to treat others the way we want to be treated.

Growing Up with the Asian Stereotype

Joseph Choi was young when he realized people would start treating him differently because of his race. I interviewed Joseph, my roommate, to listen to his experiences while growing up. Joseph was born in Fort Lauderdale, Florida at the turn of the century. His parents are from South Korea, and as a Korean-American, Joseph faced racism at a young age. Before Joseph went to school, he did not know how society treated someone who was different. He would eventually learn what racism is. When Joseph was old enough for school, he faced racism in every grade level.

Mercer Deatz, Joseph when he was younger, South Korea, 2014, All rights reserved.

In early elementary school, Joseph experienced small acts of racism, such as name-calling. Towards his later elementary career, he encountered stronger acts of racism. He never experienced a situation that was violent but I learned that he did experience racism first hand. When I asked him about any specific acts of violence or racism in elementary school, he told me about one particular story that stuck in his head. He responded, “Well, I’ve never had, in a sense, a violent case. More like little ruffles here and there. I’ve always surrounded myself with a good group of people. Um, making sure I have a good group of friends who support me not because of how I look or how I act, just depending on how good of character that I have.” This showed me that Joseph’s experiences with small acts of racism shaped the group of people he could call friends. He continued, “but I think back in elementary, probably fourth or fifth grade. I was standing in line to use the restroom because we had the restroom schedule where everyone goes at the same time before recess or something. And I was standing in line to use the urinal and this one kid cuts in front of me and I was like, hey that’s not cool, and then he turns around and slaps me” (6:48). While listening to this, I realized how I never had to deal with this in the fourth or fifth grade. Even though it wasn’t violent, this experience stuck in Joseph’s head because of how young he was. Joseph continued by saying how the boy “slaps me and calls me a racial slur. Uh, that slur being c***k. However, as you know, I am not Chinese” (6:48). This was interesting because as a kid, Joseph was already being called names. Joseph thought it was a little amusing because the kid did not even use the right racial slur. In reference to this situation, I asked him, “why do you think people act this way towards you?” (7:38). He replied, “It goes back to the thing of just how I look different, people feel like because they’re the majority they can treat me differently, whether it’s worse or in the rare case, better. They feel like they have because they’re the majority they have the ability to get everyone on their side, rather than on my side” (7:53). By the tone at which Joseph told me this, I believe Joseph understood that at a young age. He realized that some people would treat him differently just because he looks different on the outside.

*Mercer Deatz, Joseph visitng with a relative, South Korea, 2014, All rights reserved.*

As Joseph grew up, he experienced fewer acts of racism, but he still had to deal with other people stereotyping him. He mentioned that he still faces that problem today. When I asked him what his biggest challenge is, he told me, “Uh, the biggest challenge I still face today. Um, living up to expectation. Uh, everyone knows the Asians are supposed to become or be the smart ones” (15:12). I wondered if he has close friends that stereotype him, so I asked, “Do you still have close friends that like, maybe stereotype you in school?” (16:02). And he responded, “Oh yeah. I have a lot of friends like that, it’s mostly joking. I just brush it off because I don’t really care. But it’s kind of funny because they’re always like, Joseph, where’s your 4.0, and I’m like, well I don’t know man. I think a 3.8 is good” (16:10). I think it is safe to say that Joseph is affected by people who stereotype him. But he does not let it bring him down. Joseph was a swimmer in high school, and he mentioned how he did not have the stereotypical genes of a swimmer. He was not gifted with the long limbs of a swimmer, and he believed this left him at a disadvantage (5:34). But he put in more hard work to prove that he could not be stereotyped (6:20).

Mercer Deatz, Joseph eating a meal with his relatives in South Korea, South Korea, 2014, All rights reserved.

We have had stereotyping discussions in my class before. Jud Süss is a film we watched that was made in Nazi Germany. There are multiple examples of stereotyping in the film. Specifically, the stereotyping of the Jewish main character. The character is shown to have all the stereotypical Nazi character traits of a Jewish person at the time. Obviously, racism and stereotyping were involved with the Holocaust, but this film has good examples of stereotyping that relate to the modern day stereotyping that Joseph faces. In modern times, people still characterize another group of people based off a few stereotypes. That is what Joseph has had to live with.

Mercer Deatz, Joseph having fun with Samurai in Japan, Japan, 2017, All rights reserved.

Because Joseph seemed to worry about stereotyping throughout his life, I asked him, “what advice would you give to people in a similar situation as yourself?” (16:30). I asked that to see if he could provide help to someone just like him. Someone that gets treated differently because of their appearance. He responded, “The advice I’d give to people is no matter how hard people put you down, always stand up with your chin up. Um, because if you let them get you down, that only makes them feel higher up above you. You don’t have to be the best, you don’t have to try to be the best. What you can be is that you can be yourself. And that’s hard because like I said, I created a fake persona about me to help me become more popular, more friendly, and I can honestly say, uh, that has led to many fake friendships, and in general, just making sure that no one can bring you down no matter how hard they try” (16:38). I believe Joseph’s message to other people growing up in a similar situation is to be yourself and not let other people stereotype you. Since he mentioned that he created a fake persona, I wondered if that meant he wish he would not have done that. It sounded like he hid his true personality to blend in more and make friends. I wondered if he wished he would have been himself more, so I asked, “So would you suggest to, like, another version of yourself to be yourself more?” (17:19). He replied, “Yes and no. Because I feel like I wouldn’t have become as popular when I was younger, but at the same time I feel like I could’ve made more stronger relationships back then” (17:26). I believe Joseph is happy with his life and that is why he could not give a decisive answer to that question. I know Joseph is living just fine, but he certainly did not grow up in a perfect society for someone with a difference.

Mercer Deatz, Joseph during his visit to Japan, Japan, 2017, All rights reserved.

The fact that Joseph did not grow up in that good of a society, for someone in the minority, was on my mind. Joseph certainly did grow up differently than me because of his race. I wanted to know what he would change about society if he could. I asked, “How would you like people to respond to your different race, like, in a perfect world maybe?” (18:07). He thought for a second and responded, “I’d want people to treat me like they treat everyone else. Don’t think of me as different, think of me as the same level as you, the same capabilities, and the same acceptance” (18:15). I wanted to know if Joseph ever thought about how to get to this perfect world. So I followed up the question and asked, “If you could change any one thing about society, would it be like, you know, equality like that?” (18:27). He replied, “Yes, but in the society that we have currently, that is impossible. Of course, uh, I’d almost say awareness, for something actually tangible. People who actually know the hardships we’ve felt, maybe not even me, but people who go through these hardships, who go through the violence of racism. Um, I feel like if more awareness was spread, people wouldn’t act the way they act” (18:39). Joseph wants people to understand that race makes no difference to a person. Better awareness within the society is a start to end the stereotyping that Joseph grew up with.

Stereotypical

Hello … “I am Vietnamese American” (00:28)

That is her difference or in other words, her origin

Her experiences made her feel out of place and separated

Does her appearance have to be questioned or debated?

Growing up was rough

And at times she felt like she had to be tough

But at the end of the day

All that matters is if Salina is okay

One time in Branson

A young white man yelled, “Are you African?” (04:00)

She found it pretty weird

That speaking her native language could be as odd as it appeared

Let’s take it back to when she was picked on

For being the only Asian American in her grade

Aren’t you supposed to be the one making the straight A’s?

She attended a predominantly white school

And that experience was the moment she realized her difference wasn’t ‘cool’

She wished she would have changed the school district

But that decision would have meant more conflict

Things never escalated to violence

And she definitely maintained her silence

But as Salina grew older

She become wiser and smarter

“I am not the typical petite, skinny, and short Asian girl” (00:28)

Some may cringe and stomachs may swirl

Or how about “you’re acting white” (02:00)

Why can’t we stop with the nonsense and just unite?

Kennedi Glass, Portrait of Salina Nguyen, Kansas City (University of Missouri-Kansas City), February 2019, All rights reserved.

Stereotypes can get carried away

Especially in our society today

That remains to be the biggest challenge she faces

And it can occur on a regular basis

For instance, let’s discuss her family

That gave her so much agony

“For the family members that were telling me that I was fat” (01:14 ; continued)

Are you not satisfied with my plump lips or that my stomach isn’t super flat?

Those words hurt deep inside

And was never pleasing in her eyes

Does she have to meet the standard?

Seems to me you’re more like a commander

Hearing “you’re fat” as a kid made things worse and unclear

If she were to start crying, would you be there to wipe the tear?

She even made a workout plan

Her brothers were two of her biggest fans

“If I’m skinny, I would be considered pretty or attractive” (00:31)

So she knew that she had to become more active

Do you understand that this affects your mental

But the words must’ve slipped out your mouth and were ‘accidental’

Why can’t we just empower one another

Instead of allowing others to break down and suffer

The name is Salina Nguyen and she was born in Kansas City

She celebrates her difference and has found her inner beauty

Back then, she tried to look like everyone else

But she soon realized that she didn’t have to ; she has to love herself

This interview was quite interesting

And our discussion was very intriguing

I asked her for advice to those in a similar situation

“Don’t give a [sic] what those people think” was her narration (2:23)

I felt the same way

Being judged for how we act or look is not okay

This is a norm in society

And to some, these views can cause anxiety

We didn’t discuss a lot about her culture or family background

Was she a refugee? The discussion would’ve had a huge turn around

Nothing was too extreme, just like Hitler and his persecution skemes

But I loved talking with my girl and her powerful words built my self esteem.

Becoming an American

Family has always been a big part of my life. I am always surrounded by them. They are the people who keep me sane in this fast-paced, crazy, life of mine. We are such a close-knit family that we have a tradition to come together every Sunday to have dinner.

Unknown, Close up of Kian Shafé, United States, 1956, April 2019. All rights reserved.

When people look at me, they probably do not think that I come from Persian descent. I am blond-haired and fair skinned, whereas, my grandfather, has a darker complexion, heavy accent, and dark hair. My grandfather has a very unique upbringing. He grew up in Tehran, Iran with his brother, mother, and father. When asked if there were any ethnic challenges in Tehran, my grandfather gave me this bewildered look and stated that “[Tehran] didn’t have this problem because Iranians are not black, they are Caucasian, [the] Arian race, we didn’t have black people, black people were Arabs from Saudi Arabia” (04:42). My grandfather immigrated to the United States in the 1950s. He immigrated because of political reasons. My grandfather’s family was involved in the Iranian Revolution. My great grandfather, my grandfather’s father, was part of the military.

My grandfather, known as “Baba”, was directly affected by this move. He “missed part of [his] schooling” and he stressed that “a lot of kids did” (00:50). One of the reasons he moved to the United States was because the government would allow him to go to any school of his choosing (he was in college). He went to Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. As he made this move into American the one thing he did notice was that “[America] was full of it [ethnic related challenges] everyone is from somewhere of their own, and so it didn’t shock me, and it didn’t bother me, and nobody treated me differently when I was here [in the United States]” (05:15). Similarly, to the book Maus, my grandfather, “assembled with people from this country, [he] didn’t want to be the only Iranian in one group” (5:55). In fact, his college roommate was Persian-American. He was able to feel at home while staying with someone with a similar cultural background. He was able to participate in “all the school activities”, and because he was involved with the school activities, he learned more English. This incident corresponds to the book Maus, where Jewish people would speak their own language but also had to learn the surrounding language, polish or German, to help communicate with their German-Polish neighbors. My grandfather stated that “most boarding students that come here [United States], learn[ed] to speak English here, their vocabulary was around 200-250 words, but they could communicate with that” but he was able to extend his vocabulary more. He eagerly stated that “I was very well able to write essay for school” (06:12). My grandfather surrounded himself with native English speakers so he could better advance in understanding the English language and culture.

Knowing that American society does not like ‘outsiders’, I asked my grandfather if anyone treated him differently because of his accent. I, like anyone else, would’ve known the answer, but to my surprise, he was not treated differently. He would explain those who asked where he was from that “because of all the stereotypes of those from the middle east, they made me look bad!” he continued to tell me that “they saw too many movies that show all those [stereotypes].” And then he went on to explain “that that was not the case” (07:27). He would tell anyone who asked that he was no different than they were. My grandfather’s experience was not like others who have immigrated to the United States because he spent his time with other students that did not treat him as an outsider. They took him on holidays and would take him home to their families. “Churches welcomed me, people liked me… professors took me home for fourth of July and stuff like this happened. It was wonderful! I can’t remember them all now, but they were all nice people” (10:55).

Unknown, Portrait of Shafé Family in Tehran, Iran, 1943, April 2019. All rights reserved.

Kian is my grandfather’s name and he lives up to the Persian meaning, king. He is very confident in everything he does. [He] “was far superior and was not afraid of being wrong or making mistake” (09:50). He always felt welcome, unlike the many Jewish people living in their own country. When asked if he had any incidences where he felt unwelcome in the United States he replied, “some students would come where I work and do something [cause trouble] they would want to start a fight with me, those things happened, but not from any government entity” (11:00).

Kailyn Fane, Kian Shafé featured in Newspaper, 2000, April 2019. All rights reserved.

My grandfather was able to live the “American Dream.” He did mention that he did have some setbacks from coming here from a foreign country to start a life for himself and so that he could start a family. From those setbacks, he was able to start “11 companies in this area” (11:53). He started Kendelwood Enterprise, that then led to “several other companies including transportation, nursing home, retirement homes, and construction” (12:10). He has companies nationally in Las Vegas, Omaha, Spring field, St. Louis, and Kansas City. From his businesses, he was then able to build relationships that helped him further live his American dream. He could successfully provide for his family. From his experience being from another country and how people from America treated him, I asked if he would change anything in American society, He replied, “any change is better than no change, that is true, have you heard, the saying: don’t fix it until its broken?” To this, I nodded, he replied, “It’s working for me, and I’m sure that other people might be similar to me is working for them. There is no need to change anything. I am proud to be another country and a different culture. I have no problem with that. This country is 250 years old, the country I came from was 6,000 years old, so there is a lot of culture there that I brought here with me” (25:49).

One story that my grandfather told me when he moved to this country was when he went through immigration and was denied being called his official given name. When he went to get his citizenship at the immigration office his passport said: “Mir Kian Shafé.” The immigration officer informed him that ‘Mir’ was not a valid first name. My grandfather was upset that he could not carry part of his family’s tradition with him into the States. “‘Mir’ is a title that all the sons in my grandfather’s family carry. He was shocked to be informed that ‘we [the United States] don’t like to use a title as a name’ so my grandfather was instructed to drop that name for any official documents, but he could not drop the title because his diploma and my driver’s licenses had ‘Mir K Shafé’. My grandfather didn’t “have a problem not to use that and go by the name Kian, which I am, but it’ll be a struggle to get my diploma and get all that changed.” He was then informed that he could use that title “as long as you know that title is meaningless in this country” (27:27). This shocked me. My grandfather was denied the use of his title as part of his name just like the Jews were denied their given names and instead, they were given tattoos of numbers to replace their identities and had to wear specific patches, like those shown in the film, Night and Fog.

Reflecting on my grandfather’s life and his journey in becoming an American I am able to conclude that being born as an American has given me many other privileges that my grandfather did not have when he was growing up. He does share a similarity to those events that took place in the Holocaust. One of the biggest similarities being the loss of his identity. Overall, his life has not been bombarded with cultural or issues of being from another country.

My Friend Jill

I first met my friend Jill quite recently, actually over this past summer. We were both in the same summer program here at UMKC, and over the course of the whole thing we ended up becoming really good friends. We have spent a lot of time together over this school year and in that time I’ve come to learn and understand a lot about her and her life. So obviously when I had to interview someone from a different background I choose her because we are so close and at the same time very different in many ways. Jill is from St. Louis and is half Filipino since her mom, who was adopted into her family, is fully Filipino and her dad is white. Naturally, this is very different from my racial background, being a white guy from Kansas City, so she has had a very different experience growing up from me. Over the course of my interview with her, she told me about many different events in her life and the main thing that stood out to me was how people, like her classmates, treated her at school since she was half Filipino. When I asked her if she could think of anytime she was treated differently because of her race her mind immediately went to her early school life. Jill had gone to a predominantly white school and she claims that about 7% of the kids at the school were in a minority group and that out of that 7% she was the only Filipino one in the bunch. She always felt like she never really had a group to fit into like the other kids of color who all had there own little cliques and this made a big impact on how she acted throughout these years and what she thought of herself. She described in detail how she would usually try and tag along with the Asian girls in her school since they were the closest thing to Filipino. The problem was in many Asian communities those who are Filipino are seen as the lowest of the low and treated as less than the other Asian racial groups. Almost every day some of her “friends” would make racial jokes at her expense or make comments on how she looked. She would often laugh along with them and make these same jokes herself. She did this in order to gain their approval and to continue to be there friend. She explains, “To some extent you get desensitized and you rely on your sense of humor just revolving around making people laugh” (interview transcript 4:30). This sort of cycle continued well into her years in high school and as she got older she realized more and more how much she didn’t like being made fun of because of who she was. She began to look more into what exactly it means to be Filipino since she and her mom are the two only Filipinos in her whole family. She told me how she started to take pride in her heritage and would tell her friends to stop making those jokes. She admitted that at this point because of her change in opinion she drifted apart from her high school friends but she believes that this was a good thing and showed her who her real friends were.

Illustration drawn by Jill during the interview, All rights reserved

After hearing Jill recount her earlier years in school I was immediately struck by how different yet similar our two experiences were. You see, from a very young age, I was diagnosed with two learning disorders known as dyslexia and dysgraphia as well as an allergy to peanuts. I went to a very small private school and was the only kid there who had these disorders and an allergy. Right from the getgo, like Jill, I was seen as different from all of my other classmates. Often people would make jokes about how I couldn’t write or read as good as the other kids in my class since both of my disorders affected reading and writing. My handwriting to this day is barely legible to anyone other than myself and I learned to fluently read a whole year behind my classmates and still make spelling and grammar mistakes regularly. My classmates would frequently comment on how I couldn’t eat peanut butter and at times would often flaunt it in front of me mocking how I cowered away from it. Needless to say, like Jill, I never experienced a feeling of comradery or friendship in our early years at school. However, we both still had vastly different experiences through life as I could hide the things that made me stand out where she never could. Her story deeply affected me and made me reflect on all of those previously mentioned experiences in my life. After the interview, we talked about it and how in grade school kids would often treat anyone who was different from them and had no group to associate with, with borderline malice. In a way, it makes sense since children will often feel threatened when presented with something they haven’t seen before and try to stay as far away from it as possible. However this in no way justifies this behavior, as no one in any circumstance should be treated unfairly and poorly because of there differences and unique qualities. We both also wondered if things have changed and personally I believe they both have and haven’t changed simultaneously. I feel that when it comes to discrimination based on race things have improved if only by a small margin. But when it comes to bullying I feel that if anything that it has gotten worse. In person and physical attacks may have decreased but with the popularity of social media and the online world, many youths will bully and discriminate online. Scroll to any comments section and there is a large wealth of evidence for my claim. By hearing Jill’s story I got some more enlightenment on my life and the things I have essences as well as others and how they have been treated.

Illustration drawn by me after the interview, All rights reserved.

I feel that the piece of literature that best connects with this story is the graphic novel “Maus” by Art Spiegelman. In this graphic novel Spiegelman recounts the story of his father’s life during the Holocaust and the trials he had to face. As you may have guessed Arts father experienced much discrimination and unfair treatment for being Jewish. Like Jill, he was treated differently and negatively due to his race and things about himself he could not help. Now, unlike Jill, in many situations Arts father had to deal with the threat of being hurt or killed or having his family taken away throughout his whole experience. He also went through the awful experience of living in a concentration camp for a long period of time and seeing his family members and friends get killed. Despite this, his story and Jill’s share striking similarities. The biggest one to me was the fact that both Jill and Art’s father had to try and fit in and hide who they were in order to be accepted by their peers and stay safe. I find it very interesting how three completely different stories can have many things in common.

One in a Million

The United States is known as the Melting Pot. There are many people from all over the world immigrating to the United States to get more opportunities for jobs, or even just for a better life. But even till this day, people from different cultures still get excluded in our daily lives. No one should ever get discriminated in the first place, especially for their differences. Everyone is different and that’s what makes us all individuals.

I met T in my sophomore year of high school. She was a year below me and we both moved to the United States with our families. T was born and raised in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, she moved to America at the age of thirteen. We met in ESL (English as Second Language) class. The first time I talked to her, she had always had her sweet smile on and the noticeable but charming accent. T became one of my closest friends. When I got assigned to interview someone different, I thought of her.

“When I tell some people that I am from Ethiopia, they jump to the conclusion that I am poor (which is not at all by the way), and they look down to me…”(06:27), “… people don’t think I can do what they do just because I don’t speak as good English as they do, like in school, people put me in a lower level than they are just because I don’t act or speak a certain way”(08:48). She said in the interview. However, she’s one of the hardest working people I know in high school, and she was an out-going person and always had have a lot of friends. Xenophobia is the fear and distrust of that which is perceived to be foreign or strange. It is not uncommon that people have xenophobia even in this diverse country so called the Melting Pot. People still exclude people that are marked “different.” The ODIHR’s (Office for Democratic Institutions and Human Rights) annual reporting on hate crime in the OSCE area has demonstrated that racist attacks can take a range of forms, targeting people from diverse groups across the region.

I asked T if she was affected by those people that looked down to her, she put on her big smile and told me, no, because she knows who she is and she loves who she is, she wouldn’t let people put her down. “[People should] get to know me, learn more about the culture or just different culture in general, because when I tell people I’m from Africa, people think low about me and think that I’m poor and I don’t speak English, so that makes me I’m not as smart which is not true. So, if they get to know me better, they will definitely think differently” (07:22). I completely agree with her, never judge a book by its cover, right?

T, Portrait of T in her traditional clothes, Ethiopia, March 2019. All rights reserved.

Since we both are first-generation immigrants, I know she probably had experienced the same challenge as me – the language barrier. When I first move to the United States, I could barely understand or speak English and I understand why people could get irritated or impatient sometimes. People would either try to speak to you and get frustrated or didn’t even bother to talk to you. I wanted to know if T had the same experience. “When I first moved here, I did not speak English at all, it was really hard for me to communicate with the people here, I didn’t understand what they are saying or what they meant to say, the communication was very hard for me in general”(01:02).

And this leads to another struggle – socializing and making friends. T said it was very hard for her to make friends at first which is a big part of her social life. Everyone knew everyone from where she was from, and when she moved here, it took her a while to make friends. “I think it was the language barrier and also the culture difference, but from what I remember it was very hard for me to make friends”(02:49), T said. Of course, her English improved over the years, she can speak fluent English and she has a lot of friends now. T shares that she loves to hang out with her friends and experience different cultures together. Her friends would always ask her about life in Africa and she always enjoys telling them more about her hometown.

T, T with her siblings, Ethiopia, March 2019. All rights reserved.

T is a beautiful and confident person; she’s genuine and kind. Most importantly, she will always see the best in people. She will never wish to be a different person than she is right now. She is unique and she is special. She never lets anyone else affect her either physically or emotionally. “It makes me love my culture more, it makes me appreciate the country that I’m from”(09:45). This is what she had to say about the people that look at her differently. She’s always positive and influences the people around her.

At the end of the interview, I asked T if she had any pieces of advice that she could give to people that are different like us and is feeling down because are looking down to them. She said: “[I would tell them that] They are unique and different, and from different country, they don’t have to act the same as everyone else here [in the United States], just love themselves, and their culture of course, always remember when you’re from, and you’re unique”(11:07). Yes, never forget where you are from and who you are. Get to know yourself better and love yourself; you’re one in a million.

Not My Definitive Label

In our junior year of high school, I became friends with my interviewee, CB. Through our friendship, I’ve gotten to know him foremost as someone who is enthusiastic, involved, and hardworking. Together, we navigated our difficult classes with late-night study sessions at Starbucks and memorable but amusing lab incidents. He had already become an important friend to me before I ever knew about his sexual orientation. As his friend, I knew he might have gone through some difficult times because of who he is, and I wanted to learn more about him. In this way, I could empathize with his experiences.

Kim Phan, Photo of CB, Kansas City, March 2019. All rights reserved.

During our interview when I asked, “what words do you use to name your difference?” (00:12) he responds in a blunt but joking voice, “Gay” (00:19).

CB elaborates: “I didn’t have like […] this bright rainbow that showed me like, gay. But, I don’t know, it just felt like it was always part of me” (00:46). When he found a name for how he was feeling, he says, “it was nice to realize that there were other people like that out there like me, that even though I wouldn’t be deemed normal by society […] I would still be accepted by some people somewhere” (30:24). It was also terrifying for him to realize that he belonged to “a demographic that’s persecuted against, and that people can use my quality of being a homosexual against me for no reason whatsoever” (30:24).

Although in recent years society has grown more accepting, regarding the LGBT community, less than a century ago homosexuals were victims of a systematic genocide known as the Holocaust. Nazis forced Jews to wear the yellow Star of David just as they labeled homosexuals with a pink triangle and eliminated them in death camps.

In the twenty-first century, CB faces different challenges. Growing up in a “white, middle-class, Republican family” (1:13) has made it difficult for him to express himself. Even now his parents won’t let him tell his extended family and because of this “I feel like I’ve been blocked from them kind of” (2:10).

Subtle interactions frame how CB sexuality affects his daily life, and overall, his anxiety stems from the risk that his sexual orientation will negatively impact him. He is anxious that the people he meets, especially superiors like teachers, might have a bad perception of homosexuality and will project that onto him (2:49). When he does tell people about being gay, “the first like five seconds of not only their verbal communication but their nonverbal communication tell you it all” (1:33). When he wants people to see him for who he is, as a good student and a good person, he worries that they aren’t going to accept him and will only see him as “just, gay” (2:10). And although he has never been physically persecuted, he does fear the possibility.

It was only towards the end of our senior year did I learn that he was gay. Honestly, up to that point, I never gave it much thought, and the possibility didn’t cross my mind. But once I learned about it, there was no reason for that fact to change our friendship. I felt like that was just a part of the CB I already knew, and I was glad that he trusted me enough to tell me.

Other friends have reacted differently. CB admits to wanting to change during high school in response to this, “I was in a group of friends, who I’m still friends with yes, who are, like my family, white, middle class […] they’re very strong Republicans. And, that’s not saying anything bad against them, it’s just everyone has their different views but, I’ve been friends with them all my life, and I’m still friends with them today” (5:06). Finding a more diverse friend group has helped CB destress, and during the interview, we laughed about how differently he acts around his separate peer groups.

“Look, our nerd friend group is probably like, one of my saving graces for my senior year, because it got me away from everything else, and you guys showed me like […] my friends don’t have to be assholes and I don’t have to hide myself” (6:07).

CB was involved in several extracurricular activities in high school, including cross-country. I remember driving to school for an early class at 6:30 when I would see him running with his teammates on the sidewalk. Now CB tells me that even though he loves running and being with a team, “one of the most, like stressful parts of my day is going to practice” (8:00). Although they never talked about it, he says that some people on his team either knew or suspected that he was gay. He could tell that some of those people were uncomfortable about it “Because I mean we’re all running around shirtless” (7:09). He never faced any serious verbal persecution, instead “Everything that I have like viewed as harmful or persecutive towards myself, has always been non-verbal or just in absent, where they just block me, basically. Or like ghost me and try not to […] come in contact with me” (8:36). In the case of his cross-country teammates, they would look at him differently and it “would just get really annoying and stressful” (8:00).

This ghosting is a kind of symbolic annihilation as opposed to a physical one. Those who don’t understand or think negatively about his difference chose to make him invisible to them, rather than confronting their views. Because of this, they don’t get to know him, and they never see past the label put on him.

According to CB, environmental factors and their upbringing are the reasons people act this way. Parents and peers had certain expectations for the social norm, so when it came to homosexuality, those with more traditional views “didn’t know how to react to it” (9:38). The topic was never discussed at home so when someone raised in that environment does meet a homosexual, “since they don’t know how to react to it, they just, automatically just think negatively” (10:25).

When faced with discrimination, CB chose not to associate himself with those people “because, there’s no point if they’re just going to harm you” (10:52). However, reflecting back, CB feels like he should have “been more upfront about it […] verbal with them, talk to them, not like accuse them of anything obviously, but like, just discuss with them rather than just what I did of just neglecting them” (11:36). He feels like he let those people get away with it and that they are going to act the same to another homosexual. Although he feels like he should have stopped it, he also thinks positively “that because I didn’t get furious and mad at them, and I didn’t accuse of anything […] I took the high road” (11:36).

In his group of friends, CB enjoys being able to think positively and cope by joking about tough things. In an environment where people don’t judge you, “it’s nice because you can focus on what you need to focus on, what you’re trying to get done, or trying to learn […] or just having a good time.” (13:15)

He is mad when he thinks about those of the LGBT community who face persecution, and it scares him knowing that it happens in other places across the world. If he were to travel somewhere like that, he wouldn’t know what to do since he’s lived in a fairly liberal city. For example, in southern America, a person would “have a completely different story […] because of the values down there” (15:48).

Today, CB still struggles with hiding from his siblings and extended family who are rural Republicans. He parents thought that telling them would destroy their family. CB doesn’t blame his extended family because “that’s what they’ve been taught, that’s what they’ve been exposed to.” (16:36) Although he wants to tell them, it scares him as to how to do that. He wonders if it would change the dynamic of their relationships. “That’s probably my biggest obstacle is just figuring out how to tell people who are really close to me.” (17:10)

CB wants people to know that “being gay is not my definitive label.” (21:02) Rather than respond positively or negatively to his sexuality, he “wouldn’t [want people to] to respond at all.” (19:35) He wants society to reach a point where it won’t matter if he tells people that he’s gay and he wouldn’t have to differentiate himself in that way. “I have a lot of different purposes in my life, and I’m a good person, and I do good things […] being in a homosexual community, isn’t, shouldn’t be a label for me and it isn’t a good thing and it isn’t a bad thing. It’s just me.” (21:51)