Author: Kristen J Ballhurst

Different in society stands out no matter what the difference is. Being a different sexuality than what is considered the norm at a young age is a mountain to climb, especially when your twelve years old. The bullying or the shunning of family and friends can be detrimental to someone so young. Many things can occur when a young pre-teen is shunned for being different. Things from suicide to self-harm and severe depression. Caoilfhinn knew when she was in 6^th grade that having a crush on a girl classmate might stir up drama and trouble in her life, but she couldn’t help how much she liked Hailey.  

Caoilfhinn woke up at 7:00 for school, hit snooze on her alarm clock, and wiped the sleep from her eyes as she stared at the ceiling. Once she had the drive to get out of bed, she slowly dragged herself to the bathroom and looked at her wild, short, blonde hair sticking up in the air. Caoilfhinn could hear her mother calling her name, but she ignored her and finished brushing her teeth. Getting dressed was a totally different issue. She stared at the clothes in her closet, then finally decide to just wear yoga pants and a T-Shirt to school. Caoilfhinn could hear her mother calling her again saying she was going to miss the bus, so Caoilfhinn gathered her energy, grabbed her backpack, and ran right out the door. She never bothered to even try and eat breakfast because she got up too late to even make a piece of toast. How pathetic she thought to herself as she climbed on the bus. Caoilfhinn’s stop was always the first one in the morning, so she got to pick where ever she wanted to sit which was always the same seat. The left side 11^th seat in the bus is where she always sat. It had a musky feel to it, but it was hers.  

She starts to think about how one day she found some skinny 6th grader in her seat and how she gave him the foulest look she could come up with until he moved out. Caoilfhinn was indeed a very nice person, but she liked to sit where she sat every day since the first day of middle school. She put her headphones in and started listening to some rock music that she couldn’t put a name to. When the bus arrived at school, she would be the last one to jump out and head for her locker as fast as her feet could carry her. She threw her backpack in her locker a little more harshly than she had meant and made her way down the impossibly long hallway to her first class, 6th-grade architecture. The class was fun; they built bridges, cars, and played with online simulations, but the best part of that class to Caoilfhinn was Hailey. Hailey was tall with long brunette hair and coffee brown eyes that Caoilfhinn couldn’t help but notice each time she walked in the room. Caoilfhinn couldn’t explain the way she felt about her; she just knew that she had a hard crush for her. She noticed that crush on the second day of class when they were talking, and she hadn’t gotten rid of the feeling since. Hailey walked into class and sat next to Caoilfhinn and asked how she was doing. “Good as I can get for being in the school at eight in the morning. What about you?”

“Same here I guess, I was almost late because I missed the bus and forgot my lunch.” 

“Ha how did you manage that.” 

“I honestly don’t know at this point I think I’m losing my mind slowly and methodically.” 

They both laughed as the teacher walked in and started teaching some nonsense about an architect computer simulation. Caoilfhinn had no interest in paying attention so she started day dreaming about swimming with some friends when schools out. The class ended and Hailey had said a quick goodbye and left faster than usual. Caoilfhinn practically ran to her second-period class which was orchestra. It was her favorite class; most of her friends were in the class and she got to play the violin. Today, since it was a day after a concert, they would play hide the bow and eat some food. Kristen was walking on to the stage at the same time as her and said good morning. “Hey Ca-waffle, what’s up?” Ca-waffle was her nickname that her friends called her because of the way her name was spelled. Caoilfhinn was pronounced (Kay-Len) but her mother gave her an Irish spelling to her name, so her friends nicknamed her Ca-waffle after seeing the way her name was spelled. She loved the nickname her friends gave her because it made her feel accepted and unique to her peers. “Nothing much Kristen but we should for real pick up the pace or we’re going to be late again.” 

“Ugh story of my life Ca-waffle.” Kristen gave one of her specialty eye rolls as they picked up the pace. “You would think one day you two would be on time.” Hannah said. She was another good friend and violinist. “Well today is not that day and setting up a cello takes so long I don’t even know why I bother anymore.” Kristen said with a tired sigh. 

The orchestra played hide the bow and ate food while watching a recording of their performance the night before. Caoilfhinn took off to her other classes for the day until 7th period which was canceled for the school talent show, then Caoilfhinn sat next to Katelyn, a girl she had been itching to talk to since her crush on Hailey developed. Katelyn was open about her feeling about boys and girls so Caoilfhinn wanted some advice from her. Caoilfhinn also wanted Katelyn to tell some stories and share experiences with her the way Artie wanted Vladek to share his stories in Maus so he can better understand. During the performances, Caoilfhinn told her she had feelings for Hailey and Katelyn responded with pleasure. “Good for you Ca-waffle, there isn’t nothing you should freak out about, your perfectly normal.” After school was out Caoilfhinn made her way home and told her mom and one of her friends that she had feelings for both boys and girls. They both supported her and told Caoilfhinn she was perfect the way she was.  

The next morning, she got on the bus and went to school but something seemed off. People were staring at her when she walked in the hall and she couldn’t figure out why until one of her best friends Ashley came running up to her. “YOU’RE BI!” Ashley exclaimed. “Yea, how did you know?” Caoilfhinn asked with panic setting in her stomach. “Dude everyone in the school knows now,” Ashley said with a more hushed tone. Great Katelyn can’t keep her trap shut for one day. All of a sudden Logan and a couple of his buddies were in the hallway, they were the meanest kids in the entire school. They spotted Ashley and Caoilfhinn talking together and started shouting that they were gay for each other and the new grossest couple in the school. A few kids laughed and the others just looked away and headed to class and that’s how the year of hell began. The relentless teasing from those boys went on for a year and the thought that Ashley and Caoilfhinn were a couple. During that year Hailey stopped talking to Caoilfhinn completely and she even switched out of their architecture class. One day Ashley and Caoilfhinn were sitting together and those boys really went in deep for them. “Look at the lesbian couple at table 12,” the short one said they all started to laugh but the girls became experts at ignoring their insults. “Hey, why the hell can’t you mind your own freaking business!” Kristen yelled as she and Hannah were huffing to the table.  

The boys just laughed some more and returned to their food. “Sorry about that you guys, I can’t believe people think your dating just because Ca-waffle is bi.” Hannah huffed. “It’s ok I honestly didn’t expect me coming out would have such an effect on the on me or the people around me, but I’m sorry to say that I don’t care. I am who I am. If they can’t understand that, then they can suck my big toe,” Caoilfhinn said as she ate an old sandwich. “There ain’t nothing to be sorry about and if they do have issues, then they can suck all of our big toes.” Ashley laughed the part out while eating her salad.  

That year was hell for Caoilfhinn mostly just because of those group of boys. Being different from the rest of her peers stood out in a way she never thought possible. The boys found new targets for their teasing and her world seemed to go back to normal. That 6th grade year changed her life forever and the friends that stuck by her side were there through high school. Looking back on that year she was happy she was able to ignore those boys and just be able to get through that year with her friends. Being different from the people who surround you is hard for anyone. Although Caoilfhinn would never consider changing herself for any one, she always knew that different stands out and that’s a good thing.