Society – From Us To Them

Islam and its Stereotypes

The interview I had with Omar Aldaei was enlightenment on a very personal level. During this interview, I was able to gather adequate information on the issue of religion. Moreover, I was able to get first hand information from the interviewee and create personal assumptions. In this essay, I will furthermore discuss the topics that we talked about in the interview and give personal insights in regards to the same.

In regards to what religion is, Omar said, “I think religion is a system of faith, and worship, where many people have subscribed to.” (03: 17) Personally, I agree with his explanation because people of different faiths subscribe to different religions and with time, they develop faith in this religion and begin to worship their idol. We also discussed the issue of Islam and whether Omar had a hand in how he became a Muslim. He was born in a family of Muslims and due to the belief of his family’s teachings, he decided to remain in the religion. “Since when I was young, all I have known about religion is Islam. My parents were born Muslims, my grandparents were Muslims, and the entire line of family were Muslims. I chose to stay in this religion because I believe in their teachings and because I think this is the only true religion.” (05: 30)

In my opinion, I believe most people continue believing in the religion they were brought up into and only a small percentage of individuals change their religion; mostly in their adult life.

In the interview, Omar talked about how he had begun figuring his Islamic religion from the tender age of thirteen. “I figured out what my religion entailed when I was thirteen. This is the time I had more questions about religion than answers, and I usually get religion advice from the Imam or from my parents. At that age, I saw what entails humanity, by seeing how religion helps the poor, and the suffering in the society, I surely wanted to be part of.”(07:00)

During this time, he had started questioning issues including religion which was directed to his family. He adds how he learned about humanity and the concept of helping the poor and the society at large and how he desired to be a part of it. I believe actions in religion are what either pull an individual closer or further away from said religion. In most cases, people want to be involved with a religion that “does the right things” and most of these are what attracts people in a religion. In the case of Omar, seeing that his religion did the right things made him want to be more involved. On the topic of misconception about the Islamic religion, Omar defines it as faith and not a place of ignorance or superstition. He also adds how religion has been there for thousands of years and will continue to be practiced. I also believe that religion is not a superstition but a practice done by people with a certain faith towards a certain idol.

On the issue of discrimination in the interview, Omar admitted being discriminated against and he also talked about how other Muslim individuals had faced the same. In his examples of scenarios of discrimination, Omar admitted to being labeled as a terrorist and people not wanting to be involved with him. Personally, I have also been treated as a terrorist on many occasions due to the fact that I am also a Muslim. Non-Muslims judge us based on our way of dressing which gives off an illusion of “a person we are not” and this creates difficult situations for Muslims. Omar also talked about being denied certain utilities and employment opportunities. It’s also evident that Muslims are sometimes denied access to clothes stores or jewelry stores because of the fear of bringing terror. Moreover, our dressing discourages us from getting employment opportunities due to false suspicions or due to the false fear non-Muslims have against Muslims. The problem with some intolerant non-Muslims is that they make assumptions that since the statistic of Muslims being involved with terrorism is higher than other religions, they pass the same judgment onto other innocent Muslims.

When I asked Omar about how the Islamic religion has impacted his life, he talked about the positive effect on issues such as his education, beliefs, principles, and character which was passed down from his parents and also how other people misjudge his religion when they believe Islam does not advocate for peace. Even with Omar explaining to non-Muslims how peaceful his religion is, he still feels how others misjudge his religion. This again boils down to how people believe that all Muslims are terrorists and with this fear, some of these non-Muslims have no faith that a Muslim can be peaceful. According to Omar, he believes the Islamic religion is the worship of the true god based on your beliefs, principles, topics with the end times, and what humanity entails. He also added how his religion made him freer in his daily activities. Personally, I believe every religion taken by an individual creates an environment of peace and the feeling of satisfaction hence Omar feeling freer in his religion. In addition, on the concept of Islam being a true religion, I believe every religion comes with its principles and truths which is what constitutes to a religion.

In relation to what religion felt close to Islamic, Omar talked about Christianity and how stories in the Bible and Quran are similar. I have also felt that Muslims and Christians have a similar history and both religions seem to have a few beliefs and principles in common. Omar believed that religion was the only way to live in a conflict-free environment and in harmony with different people from different religions. This may be true, but excluding everything else can be hard to keep people in harmony. This is because a sizeable percentage of individuals do not believe in any religion which means that if we were to only use religion to create a livable environment, some people would not want to be a part of it and there would be no continuous peace from all humanity.

In the interview, I decided to ask Omar what would lead me into his religion despite me being a part of it. He answered by saying his religion had good teachings and beliefs which from a personal level, I would agree to. I believe that this religion is as wonderful as other religions out there, and no religion is better than the other despite the beliefs. Despite the many beliefs portrayed and practiced by different religions, I believe that everyone should be engaged in a religion where they feel comfortable and that their beliefs can be of benefit to their lives. According to Omar, he grew up only knowing the Islamic religion which is what has led him to be comfortable with the religion based on its principles such as when he talked about how as a thirteen-year-old, he witnessed how his religion helped the poor. As stated before, religion is not only an institution but also what actions are depicted by its followers. Ethically, we can all differentiate from what is wrong and right. If a person believes a certain action is wrong in a religion, they are most likely not to be involved; however, if the person does not have any moral standards or beliefs, he/she can get involved with any religion. In the case of the Islamic religion, there is the belief of peace, helping the poor and being kind. This religion also follows strict rules based on morals and this is what creates a livable environment among the believers. However, I believe everyone has the opportunity to choose a suitable religion for themselves.

Learning Love and Acceptance

Maya Baughn, Entry way to Mid-Continent Public Library -North Independence Branch where the interview was conducted, February 2019, All rights reserved.

On the day of my interview with Alex, the sky was gloomy, and it was raining. The library was framed in grey which made the pale yellow stand out. During our interview, I kept remembering how he used to be when we first met. His story touched my heart, and I realized how little I knew about gender identity and sexuality. Being a firm believer in education, Alex explained a lot of things to me and having that information compelled me to spread awareness too.

Alex has been my friend since eighth grade. I remember when he still used his dead name and tried dating girls to express how he felt. He had long dirty blonde hair with blue streaks that framed his face because of his middle part. For Alex, the indifference he experienced stemmed from his gender identity, not his sexuality, so no matter how many girls he dated there was still a chasm which needed to be filled. He wouldn’t find out until we were juniors in high school what filling that chasm truly meant to him, he wanted to be loved and accepted like anyone in high school does. However, when Alex found a way to express his true self (when he gained the knowledge to describe what he’d been going through since childhood) most people turned him into a joke. The change did not come easily – I can still hear how others taunted him when I think about walking down the main hallway of our high school. Insults echo over the chatter and background noise; I can’t imagine how loudly the insults echo in Alex’s mind. Alex chose to plant himself and grow where very few people loved and accepted him.

Maya Baughn, One of Alex’s favorite photos of himself taken at his home before the interview, February 2019, All rights reserved.

When I asked Alex his biggest challenge growing up, he explained, “I didn’t fit in with the guys because obviously, I was a girl so it was like ah I belong with the boys but they don’t want me.” (01:31) It’s as if children are seeds, all different shapes and sizes, with the potential to grow into anything, yet they’re still categorized based on their gender. His family held tight to this notion that an individual must be one or the other; boy or girl. So, growing up, when all the girls would gather to play, Alex would join them even though he longed to be with the boys. Boys did the things Alex liked doing too, but they were unaccepting which left Alex alone most of the time. For quite a long time Alex didn’t know he was meant to be male, he just thought he was a tomboy.

In our senior year, Alex and I took a creative writing class for dual credit. It was the first class we had together since sophomore year, and the distance between us was clear. Regardless, I noticed him and talked with him to bridge the gap. He didn’t wear all the negative things he’d been through like I expected, he just remained kind and understanding of all my questions. Transgender, this is who Alex is, but it is not everything Alex is. When he learned about his gender so much of his life was explained. Long hair, a high-pitched voice, and a soft chest weren’t suited to him, but they weren’t things he could easily change. So, I asked “how does your gender impact your everyday life?” in order to understand all the effort he puts into expressing himself (04:07). Every day Alex puts a decent chunk of time into presenting himself a certain way to be perceived as male. The long hair was cut short, he made his voice deeper, and his soft chest was compressed by a binder. All these things helped him gain some confidence in himself; however, confidence is only part of the battle. Depending on the place Alex must decide which restroom to use during his transition. He explained, “At work and certain places I’ll go into the men’s room because ya know that’s where I belong but in places like high school I would go into the women’s restroom because it wasn’t safe.” (04:51) Being transgender has an unnatural number of challenges Alex faces every day, the biggest of which being the unacceptance from peers and other individuals.

Body dysphoria plays a huge role in how Alex feels about himself. The disease does not treat him well, it makes him extremely uncomfortable with his body unless he’s made himself look, act, and sound more manly. He discussed overcoming this feeling as learning “dysphoria is not self-hate, it is not that I hate my body, it’s just that it doesn’t fit me.” (21:48) Alex has prevailed through some of his dysphoria and the anxiety that manifests with it because he knows he can be healthy and be himself. One day, to help himself with the processing of overcoming, he explored the men’s restroom at Independence Center. This was finally his chance to use the restroom he was meant to use. At first, it was great; he went in feeling triumphant, and he was well on his way to blossoming into his true self. Two big, brute fellas in flannels and cowboy boots stopped Alex as he exited the bathroom stall. Alex felt terrified, yet he reminded himself to remain calm. After all, he had just started growing to accept himself and had finally figured out what eases his mind. These men were mean, and scary. They pushed Alex down, forcing him onto a cold, dirty bathroom floor, making him feel horrible and incredibly unaccepted. Alex remembers the situation as the men “beat me to a pulp almost. . . they called me a tranny and more disgusting words after they beat me up because I wasn’t like a guy. I wasn’t a cis man.” (07:55) Some people tried to help, they thought Alex should go to the hospital to make sure he wasn’t severely hurt or physically broken. Alex didn’t go, he wanted to pretend that the whole incident never happened.

Later, Alex was at work when he finally passed out because of all the trauma he had suffered. He didn’t open up to anyone about what happened though until all the wounds had fully healed. There came a day, almost two years later, when Alex had to write a creative nonfiction piece for the creative writing class we took together. This piece was going to be his way to finally talk about what happened, and it would expose the horrors he experienced while just trying to be true to himself. First, he proposed the idea to all his new friends, the ones he had made through work that loved and accepted him for his true self. Before this, they had no idea about his experience, and when they found out they were upset they didn’t know sooner. His friends gave him the love he needed to finish healing and grow into a beautiful person. Exactly the kind of person he was meant to be. From his experience, Alex has acquired the courage to tell his story, stand up for himself more, and to even stand up for others.

Alex and I have come a long way in the last six years. He made it clear during the interview that he has learned a lot of things he wants to pass on to help people accept what they do not understand. Education can transform how everyone thinks and it is an important tool. The final questions I asked Alex dealt with what he wants others to know about the transgender community and how people could be more tolerant. A key component of tolerance is recognizing that transgender individuals are valid and real. He said, “Mostly just by talking about it [gender identity], that would erase a lot of fear.” (29:49)

The Things They’ll Remember

I pulled up to Tay’s Donut Joint. My car dash clock read 6:23 a.m. I slumped out of my car and headed towards the door of the doughnut joint. It was my daily routine of stopping at the joint before my day started. The room was quiet as I walked in. There was a white woman sitting in the far booth, and two black men sitting in a far table on the other side of the joint. There was a server behind the counter. I shuffled towards the counter. Without looking up, I grunted…

“The usual, Dave.”

I picked up a nearby newspaper and scanned the headlines.

“Dave’s not in today, but I’ll get you whatever you need pal!”

Surprised by the voice, I looked up. Instead of a hairy middle aged bald man, whom I was expecting, there was a clean shaven boy in front of me.

“Sorry. I was expecting Dave. I’ll take a coffee.”

The bright eyed young server grabbed a mug from underneath the counter and started to fill it with coffee.

“Say, aren’t you Parker Jones?”

“Yea, what’s it to you?”

“You’ve been my idol since the first grade!”

“Hmph”

“I haven’t seen you in the media in a while! Where have you been?”

“I’ve been laying low, kid, for a reason. Now if you would please hand me my coffee and leave me alone, I would really appreciate it”

I see server’s face fall and his eyes dull. He picked up the coffee mug and slid it over to me.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. If you need anything else, just let me know.”

The server turned and started towards the back kitchen. I felt guilty. I know I can be hard sometimes, but that’s what war does to you! I decided to give him a chance.

“Wait, kid.”

I see him stop and turn.

“What’s your name?”

“My name’s Tom. Tom Cook.”

“Tom Cook. What can I do for you?”

Tom, the server, shuffled back towards the counter.

“I’ve always heard about you, Mr. Jones. You’re very well known around here. My parents used to tell stories of you all the time! Can you tell me about the war? What happened to you after the war? Where did you go?”

“All the stories? Ha. Yeah, they were the gold old times. The war was very glorifying. I’ve met a lot of my lifelong buddies there.”

“That’s interesting, how was the actual country and environment over there?”

“War was different. War changes people. When you’re over there, the men in your platoon are your brothers. They’re family. You fight for each other, to keep each other alive, and you die for each other. It was you and your brothers versus the world over there.”

I shifted in my stool. I missed my brothers in arms. I even almost miss Vietnam. Even though everything over there, every little animal, person, or even object, tried to kill you in some horrible way, I missed it. I missed feeling like I belonged in a group. The men and women of the military, in Vietnam, were basically a separate society from the society back at home. The army society in Vietnam accepted everyone. No matter your race, gender, or ethnicity, as long as you were wearing the same uniform, they treated you like family.

“Did you keep in touch with any of your platoon mates?”

“No. After the war ended, we all went back to our own separate ways, back to our homes. I went back to my hometown of Macon, Missouri. I’ve been here ever since.”

“What have you done since you’ve been back for all these years? How has it been?”

“It’s been quiet. Over the years, people have forgotten about the war and about me. Some young kids today don’t even know about me or even about the war. It’s been very peaceful.”

Truth be told, I was partly lying. Yeah, its true that people have forgotten. But, it hasn’t been peaceful. Not a single bit. I haven’t been able to sleep at night. Walking out to grab mail is hard. I always get stares whenever I go to fill up on gas. Everything is so different. Society here is so different. Society here look at outsiders with a look of disgust. If you are different, in any way, they treat you differently. They avoid you. It’s dehumanizing. What did I fight for? Why did I come back?

“I’m glad to hear it! You know, I’ve always looked up to you. You were always my hero. Hearing those stories of how you saved your entire platoon, it’s so awesome!”

“I’m glad I could play some type of role in your life. I’m sorry for being so rude earlier. Over the years, I’ve learned to shut people out.”

Ever since I’ve been back, I’ve seen how backwards society here still is. The segregation is still very prominent. Society appears to be a melting pot, mixing different ethnicities and people with differences, but there are still spots that haven’t mixed well. In some parts, there is even a clear line dividing them.

“Say, Tom. Have you ever looked at society’s flaws before?”

“What do you mean?”

“The differences with everyone. The inability for people to accept others for their difference. The segregation.”

“Hmm. Growing up, I never really thought about it thoroughly before. Didn’t we go through the reformations? Didn’t society fix the segregation problem already?”

“We tried, yes, and the majority of society agrees that our differences with each other are unique and significant in defining our culture and who we are. However, there is still a large group of people who don’t see it that way. They will never understand it.”

“Wow, I haven’t really thought of things this deep before. I hadn’t realized.”

“Tom, sometimes you need to be in the other shoes to figure out when something immoral is happening to you.”

Here Tom was. He was the typical college student, working a side part time job to pay for it. He was white. Part of the majority here in Macon, Missouri. Who could blame him for not realizing what was going on? Who could blame him for the problems of our society? When I got back from the Vietnam, I saw everything wrong with society back at home. How segregated and hateful it was. It is so much different from Vietnam and the people there. I finished my coffee and stood up.

“It’s been a good talk. I’m glad we had it”

Tom looked up at me.

“I’m sorry I never saw the problems with society. It sucks that you had to come back to this.”

“It’s not your fault Tom. You shouldn’t have to apologize. This was not your doing. The only thing that you could do now is to help fix it. It is up to your generation to right all of my generation’s wrongs.”

I turned around towards the door.

“You’re a good kid, Tom. I think if you help more people see, you’ll make a very large impact on society.”

As I walked out, Tom starts to wipe down the counter.

Dean Nguyen, Portrait of Peter Pham, Kansas City, 2019. All Rights Reserved

I wrote a short story that was inspired by an interview I did with my friend, who struggled with fitting in due to his religion and race/ethnicity. The interview with my friend took place at the UMKC campus in 2019. My short story took place in the small town of Macon, Missouri in the 1970s. He was Catholic and Vietnamese. The two differences work against each other and really create a harsh environment for him to grow up in. In the interview, my friend talked about how people can’t accept him for being different. Another main point that he really emphasized was that this was a problem that was caused by the older generation. I connected this to my short story. I wrote about a war hero who sees the flaws of society after coming back from war, and he conveys the flaws to a young generation college student. The war hero blames society for not being able to accept people with differences, when it was so easily accepted in the society overseas. The war hero also tells the young generation kid that it’s really up to his generation to fix the flaws of the older generation. The segregation and harsh environment of both the interview and the short story could be connected to The Butcher’s Tale. In The Butcher’s Tale, people were extremely separated. The majority group of the Christians were unable to accept the minority group of the Jews, leading to violence and problems. However, once they put that aside, they were able to fix their problems. I think that this could be the same with society. Once we all figure out how to get along with each other and accept each other, we will be able to move into the future together.

Stereotypical

Hello … “I am Vietnamese American” (00:28)

That is her difference or in other words, her origin

Her experiences made her feel out of place and separated

Does her appearance have to be questioned or debated?

Growing up was rough

And at times she felt like she had to be tough

But at the end of the day

All that matters is if Salina is okay

One time in Branson

A young white man yelled, “Are you African?” (04:00)

She found it pretty weird

That speaking her native language could be as odd as it appeared

Let’s take it back to when she was picked on

For being the only Asian American in her grade

Aren’t you supposed to be the one making the straight A’s?

She attended a predominantly white school

And that experience was the moment she realized her difference wasn’t ‘cool’

She wished she would have changed the school district

But that decision would have meant more conflict

Things never escalated to violence

And she definitely maintained her silence

But as Salina grew older

She become wiser and smarter

“I am not the typical petite, skinny, and short Asian girl” (00:28)

Some may cringe and stomachs may swirl

Or how about “you’re acting white” (02:00)

Why can’t we stop with the nonsense and just unite?

Kennedi Glass, Portrait of Salina Nguyen, Kansas City (University of Missouri-Kansas City), February 2019, All rights reserved.

Stereotypes can get carried away

Especially in our society today

That remains to be the biggest challenge she faces

And it can occur on a regular basis

For instance, let’s discuss her family

That gave her so much agony

“For the family members that were telling me that I was fat” (01:14 ; continued)

Are you not satisfied with my plump lips or that my stomach isn’t super flat?

Those words hurt deep inside

And was never pleasing in her eyes

Does she have to meet the standard?

Seems to me you’re more like a commander

Hearing “you’re fat” as a kid made things worse and unclear

If she were to start crying, would you be there to wipe the tear?

She even made a workout plan

Her brothers were two of her biggest fans

“If I’m skinny, I would be considered pretty or attractive” (00:31)

So she knew that she had to become more active

Do you understand that this affects your mental

But the words must’ve slipped out your mouth and were ‘accidental’

Why can’t we just empower one another

Instead of allowing others to break down and suffer

The name is Salina Nguyen and she was born in Kansas City

She celebrates her difference and has found her inner beauty

Back then, she tried to look like everyone else

But she soon realized that she didn’t have to ; she has to love herself

This interview was quite interesting

And our discussion was very intriguing

I asked her for advice to those in a similar situation

“Don’t give a [sic] what those people think” was her narration (2:23)

I felt the same way

Being judged for how we act or look is not okay

This is a norm in society

And to some, these views can cause anxiety

We didn’t discuss a lot about her culture or family background

Was she a refugee? The discussion would’ve had a huge turn around

Nothing was too extreme, just like Hitler and his persecution skemes

But I loved talking with my girl and her powerful words built my self esteem.

Becoming an American

Family has always been a big part of my life. I am always surrounded by them. They are the people who keep me sane in this fast-paced, crazy, life of mine. We are such a close-knit family that we have a tradition to come together every Sunday to have dinner.

Unknown, Close up of Kian Shafé, United States, 1956, April 2019. All rights reserved.

When people look at me, they probably do not think that I come from Persian descent. I am blond-haired and fair skinned, whereas, my grandfather, has a darker complexion, heavy accent, and dark hair. My grandfather has a very unique upbringing. He grew up in Tehran, Iran with his brother, mother, and father. When asked if there were any ethnic challenges in Tehran, my grandfather gave me this bewildered look and stated that “[Tehran] didn’t have this problem because Iranians are not black, they are Caucasian, [the] Arian race, we didn’t have black people, black people were Arabs from Saudi Arabia” (04:42). My grandfather immigrated to the United States in the 1950s. He immigrated because of political reasons. My grandfather’s family was involved in the Iranian Revolution. My great grandfather, my grandfather’s father, was part of the military.

My grandfather, known as “Baba”, was directly affected by this move. He “missed part of [his] schooling” and he stressed that “a lot of kids did” (00:50). One of the reasons he moved to the United States was because the government would allow him to go to any school of his choosing (he was in college). He went to Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. As he made this move into American the one thing he did notice was that “[America] was full of it [ethnic related challenges] everyone is from somewhere of their own, and so it didn’t shock me, and it didn’t bother me, and nobody treated me differently when I was here [in the United States]” (05:15). Similarly, to the book Maus, my grandfather, “assembled with people from this country, [he] didn’t want to be the only Iranian in one group” (5:55). In fact, his college roommate was Persian-American. He was able to feel at home while staying with someone with a similar cultural background. He was able to participate in “all the school activities”, and because he was involved with the school activities, he learned more English. This incident corresponds to the book Maus, where Jewish people would speak their own language but also had to learn the surrounding language, polish or German, to help communicate with their German-Polish neighbors. My grandfather stated that “most boarding students that come here [United States], learn[ed] to speak English here, their vocabulary was around 200-250 words, but they could communicate with that” but he was able to extend his vocabulary more. He eagerly stated that “I was very well able to write essay for school” (06:12). My grandfather surrounded himself with native English speakers so he could better advance in understanding the English language and culture.

Knowing that American society does not like ‘outsiders’, I asked my grandfather if anyone treated him differently because of his accent. I, like anyone else, would’ve known the answer, but to my surprise, he was not treated differently. He would explain those who asked where he was from that “because of all the stereotypes of those from the middle east, they made me look bad!” he continued to tell me that “they saw too many movies that show all those [stereotypes].” And then he went on to explain “that that was not the case” (07:27). He would tell anyone who asked that he was no different than they were. My grandfather’s experience was not like others who have immigrated to the United States because he spent his time with other students that did not treat him as an outsider. They took him on holidays and would take him home to their families. “Churches welcomed me, people liked me… professors took me home for fourth of July and stuff like this happened. It was wonderful! I can’t remember them all now, but they were all nice people” (10:55).

Unknown, Portrait of Shafé Family in Tehran, Iran, 1943, April 2019. All rights reserved.

Kian is my grandfather’s name and he lives up to the Persian meaning, king. He is very confident in everything he does. [He] “was far superior and was not afraid of being wrong or making mistake” (09:50). He always felt welcome, unlike the many Jewish people living in their own country. When asked if he had any incidences where he felt unwelcome in the United States he replied, “some students would come where I work and do something [cause trouble] they would want to start a fight with me, those things happened, but not from any government entity” (11:00).

Kailyn Fane, Kian Shafé featured in Newspaper, 2000, April 2019. All rights reserved.

My grandfather was able to live the “American Dream.” He did mention that he did have some setbacks from coming here from a foreign country to start a life for himself and so that he could start a family. From those setbacks, he was able to start “11 companies in this area” (11:53). He started Kendelwood Enterprise, that then led to “several other companies including transportation, nursing home, retirement homes, and construction” (12:10). He has companies nationally in Las Vegas, Omaha, Spring field, St. Louis, and Kansas City. From his businesses, he was then able to build relationships that helped him further live his American dream. He could successfully provide for his family. From his experience being from another country and how people from America treated him, I asked if he would change anything in American society, He replied, “any change is better than no change, that is true, have you heard, the saying: don’t fix it until its broken?” To this, I nodded, he replied, “It’s working for me, and I’m sure that other people might be similar to me is working for them. There is no need to change anything. I am proud to be another country and a different culture. I have no problem with that. This country is 250 years old, the country I came from was 6,000 years old, so there is a lot of culture there that I brought here with me” (25:49).

One story that my grandfather told me when he moved to this country was when he went through immigration and was denied being called his official given name. When he went to get his citizenship at the immigration office his passport said: “Mir Kian Shafé.” The immigration officer informed him that ‘Mir’ was not a valid first name. My grandfather was upset that he could not carry part of his family’s tradition with him into the States. “‘Mir’ is a title that all the sons in my grandfather’s family carry. He was shocked to be informed that ‘we [the United States] don’t like to use a title as a name’ so my grandfather was instructed to drop that name for any official documents, but he could not drop the title because his diploma and my driver’s licenses had ‘Mir K Shafé’. My grandfather didn’t “have a problem not to use that and go by the name Kian, which I am, but it’ll be a struggle to get my diploma and get all that changed.” He was then informed that he could use that title “as long as you know that title is meaningless in this country” (27:27). This shocked me. My grandfather was denied the use of his title as part of his name just like the Jews were denied their given names and instead, they were given tattoos of numbers to replace their identities and had to wear specific patches, like those shown in the film, Night and Fog.

Reflecting on my grandfather’s life and his journey in becoming an American I am able to conclude that being born as an American has given me many other privileges that my grandfather did not have when he was growing up. He does share a similarity to those events that took place in the Holocaust. One of the biggest similarities being the loss of his identity. Overall, his life has not been bombarded with cultural or issues of being from another country.

Why Settle?

This year I began college at the University of Missouri. Coming from a small farm town to Kansas City, Missouri, was a dramatic change. I wanted to get the most I could out of this new chapter of my life, so I joined groups that sparked my interest. I joined a women’s Christian sorority on campus called Gamma Alpha Lambda, and there I met Juliana Chi.

I had known Juliana for only a short period of time before I had the chance to sit down with her to enjoy a much deeper conversation. She is genuinely one of the kindest people I have ever met. In addition, she is incredibly open to letting me share her story with my current class that is focusing on diversity. We also managed to dive deeper during our conversation on how America as a society is settling for cultural ignorance, and how others may share these same experiences in a predominantly white American culture today.

Juliana’s mother immigrated to the United States about thirty years ago. Juliana is the only one of her siblings to be born and raised in Kansas City. Juliana’s family places its strongest ties with Panamanian culture; however, her grandfather is Chinese. Juliana went back to Panama with her family to finish her junior and senior year of high school. Once she graduated she was admitted to the University of Missouri as a French major. I asked Juliana to tell me things she has experienced in her life that have impacted her in regards to culture.

“Juliana and her father performing a Folkloric Panamanian traditional dance,” date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana had an overall enjoyable childhood. Her first memory of ever feeling like something set her apart from others in her community was when she displayed a Folkloric Panamanian traditional dance at her school talent show with her father around kindergarten or first grade. “I just felt like people or kids would think it was weird and so I just remember feeling so embarrassed about it,” she recalled (2:08). It was a dance her mother found joy in as well as herself, but while performing it in front of a majority of people that did not have her same background of knowledge or culture, she felt like an outsider. Her teachers praised her, however, she still felt insecure about the inner conflicts she kept inside.

“Traditional Panamanian foods,” date unknown, all rights reserved.

Juliana’s friends and peers did not always understand why she did things differently from them. People were not intentionally making comments that made her feel separated from the crowd, but rather the cultural divide of understanding between her and her American friends. These differences often became apparent when Juliana would bring lunches to school, have friends over, or have exceptionally different rules to follow set by her parents. “I definitely had experiences like at school where I would bring food from home, and kids would be confused, it wasn’t the traditional Wonder Bread sandwich,” (6:19). Juliana explained how her mother was an amazing cook who made sure everyone ate home-cooked foods that often originated from Panama. Peers at Juliana’s school were befuddled when Juliana brought dishes like seafood soup or rice and beans to school (6:43). Understandably, it made Juliana feel out of place.

As Juliana faced these inner self-conflicts, she did her best to make herself “Latina enough” or “American enough” depending on who she was around. For example, she would do her best to not mention things that were related to her Latin culture around her American friends, and vice versa with her Latina friends. If her friends came over she would be nervous when her mother slipped up on her English or if she made a Panamanian dish that her friends thought was weird. Juliana explained that even though it was a challenge, she found friendships in high school with people who could relate to her. Even though they didn’t share her exact same cultural background, they knew what it was like to have so many different roots. “There’s a beauty to that kind of relationship,” (8:35).

“Juliana in a traditional Panamanian dress,” Date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana then made a point that our society should focus on today, just because you don’t grow up somewhere, doesn’t mean that’s not where you find your identity. Wherever you feel most comfortable, that’s where you should be able to say you are from without any backlash. I stated before that my class focuses on diversity, but we are also deeply centered on the history of the Holocaust. One of our assignments was to watch the film Jud Suss, directed by Viet Harlan, a film used as Nazi propaganda against the Jews. In a portion towards the beginning of the film, the Jewish antagonist, Joseph Oppenheimer, tells a beautiful young German woman, “I do not have a home, the world is my home,” (Jud Suss, Veit Harlan, 1940, 14:10-14:22). This was a stereotype emphasized by the phrase “wandering Jew” that Nazi Germany used to tell others that the Jews do not have a home because they do not belong anywhere. However, having one place that you call home does not encompass your entire identity, wherever you feel at home and what feels right in relation to who you are is all that matters.

“Juliana in another traditional Panamanian dress,” Date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana explained that for the most part, she has not had many outstanding circumstances of discrimination or feeling as though people were against her for who she is. However, she had one incident she will always remember. She was working for a shoe store in Kansas City and had just put her two weeks notice in. The store had just received a new manager, and that day he was showing around a new employee. Everything was fine until he decided to introduce the two, “Her name is Juliana or WHO-liana? Whatever, however you say it in Panamanian,” her boss explained. Juliana replied, “It’s actually Spanish but okay,” (19:44). The manager then told the new employee Juliana was leaving them by saying, “Yeah her visa’s ending,” (20:34). Juliana found his comment hurtful and she was overall taken aback. When she said she was actually born in America, he acted surprised. This kind of ignorance is exactly what needs to be exterminated in American society today. Juliana stated that he wasn’t trying to be hurtful, he was just trying to make a joke but it came out offensive unintentionally. However, anything that is mocking a person’s identity is nothing to poke fun at. I personally understood what it was like for people to make fun of something that takes up such a large portion of your identity as I was often made fun of in grade school for being Native American. Behind every joke is a little bit of truth or at least what that person thinks, therefore legitimizing the lie.

I sympathized with Juliana for having to go through that situation. It’s not something that anyone should have to fall victim to, however it happens every day at schools, workplaces, etc. I asked what Juliana thinks needs to change in American society today, she said, “Have a much more integrated holistic educational system that includes other languages and learning about other cultures, rather than just a very narrow minded perspective,” (25:08). This very statement made me reflect on my educational system I grew up in. Every time we went over American history, teachers had a noticeable lack of concern for the Native American portion and it did not settle well with me. I took a history class during my first semester at the University of Missouri and learned many things I had no idea about. Why does American culture “sugar coat” history? If everything was up front from the start, as well as diving into the significance of all cultures, wouldn’t we have a much more open and tolerant society as a whole?

“Juliana today in Kansas City, MO,” 2019, all rights reserved.

Juliana explained that this seems to be the current American ideology: “Well if we implement our belief systems, into these completely different cultures, it’ll work for them and they’ll have a much better life,” (28:24). When one thinks about that point of view, it is undeniable how willfully disrespectful and ignorant so many people can truly be. It’s hard growing up being prideful of your own country and who you are to discover that there are in fact many things that need to change. It is good to be prideful of where you are from and we have reason to take pride in being American, but that doesn’t mean that we need to whitewash everyone who comes in.

American society as a whole has come a long way, but why not strive to be the best country for anyone who moves here? Why not strive to teach our children about the wonderfully diverse cultures and people that live right here in our own neighborhoods? Why not have school systems that focus on truth rather than semi-fiction? Why settle? America can do it, but it starts with every individual and their choices on how to treat others. It starts with you.