Tag: Conservative

One Name of Many

Victoria Lynn Garsow is just one person among many who have come out as being bisexual

Ignoring that you think you might be gay does not make the feeling go away (00:43)

Courage is something Victoria has had to develop because she has faced discrimination for trying to be herself

Today, people like Victoria still face hatred just for being different from the norm

Openly admitting who you really are is not easy for a lot of people including Victoria

Reacting in a positive way when someone tells you they are bi helps them know it is not something to be ashamed of

Integrity: what we lose when we forget to think of the consequences of our actions towards others

Adjusting to the way people think of you was not something that came easy to Victoria because she felt she had to present herself in a certain way

Lots of people Victoria states, do not act out of anger towards homosexuality but out of ignorance (19:03)

Yelling derogatory terms at someone makes them scared to express who they really are (9:08)

Negligence is common with people in positions of authority if they do not as Victoria stated,”think and act with empathy towards other people” (20:42)

Not only can Victoria’s story apply to other people trying to come out but to anyone facing adversity

Gossiping about other people’s differences, like sexuality, is still wrong even if it is not said straight to their face (12:22)

Accepting the fact that you cannot control who you love is like accepting the fact that you cannot control what people think of you (17:39)

Realizing that a relationship with God does not depend on your sexuality is something Victoria has come to understand (5:30)

Standing on a stage, as Victoria does, in a theater production helps her embrace her individuality

Ostracizing has occurred in societies that refuse to accept others for who they are but when stories like Victoria’s are told it makes it that much harder for people like her to be excluded

Whenever you meet someone like Victoria she is an example of how one rock can create a ripple effect

Portrait of Victoria Lynn Garsow holding a butterfly, Kansas City, May 2018. All Rights Reserved.

I interviewed my roommate Victoria Garsow on February 28th, 2019, in the apartment in which we live. Victoria is different from me in the fact that she is bisexual. She is a freshman theater major here at UMKC and an aspiring high school theater teacher. She was born in Belton, Missouri and is currently eighteen years old. Victoria states that she grew up in a very conservative family but that they were really supportive when she came out as bisexual. In writing this poem I wanted to highlight how certain people are not accepted in this world because of certain differences. I used Victoria’s full name to make my acrostic poem to show that the people who are affected by discrimination are regular people and have a name just like any other person. I have only known Victoria a little under eight months. I am very appreciative of this interview because we have grown closer because of it and now I understand more of what she has been through. Before talking with her I really did not know what people went through when they came out as bisexual. My poem is not just inspired by Victoria’s story but by all individuals who face discrimination on a daily basis.

Another influence that I had while writing this poem was Alain Resnais’s 1955 film Night and Fog. My poem relates to the film because Alain Resnais wanted to make a film with a theme that could be applied to other situations not just those within the Holocaust. For my poem, I too wanted a theme that could be applied to not only one individual but to society as a whole.

Some of the words that I used in my poem were from the interview that I conducted with Victoria. I included the word ignoring because when Victoria first started having feelings for a girl, she tried to ignore them. She acted like the feelings were not there but that obviously did not make them go away. The word ignorance is used because when I asked what advice Victoria would give someone in a similar situation she said, “I would say have patience because whenever people act out with things such as being angry at homosexuality, I feel like they aren’t actually acting out of anger but out of ignorance.” (19:03) Some people have certain thoughts without even knowing why and they simply do not understand someone that is different from them. In my interview, I asked Victoria to describe a specific incident in which she felt unsafe or unwelcome at some point in her life because of being bisexual. She described a time when a guy in her high school was yelling derogatory terms at her as she was walking down the hallway, and that is why I included that in my poem (9:08). I used the word gossiping because Victoria has worried and still does occasionally about people talking bad about her behind her back. She stated this: “What if people are thinking mean things, they just aren’t saying them?” (12:22) Obviously, that is a justified comment because we are all at fault for talking about someone behind their back at some point in our lives although that does not make it right. One of my favorite things that Victoria stated in the interview was, “I always thought that yeah you can control who you love but yeah no you can’t control who you love.” (17:39) The reason I like this quote so much and why I put it in my poem is because it is such a true statement for any individual whether they are gay or straight. When talking about homosexuality, someone’s relationship with God is something that gets brought up. A lot of the time people who are gay are not welcomed by their religion because that religion does not accept them. Victoria faced this issue and says, “So, I kind of struggled with my image there, where I was like have I lost my faith, or am I not a Christian anymore because I am gay? Which that is not true because you can still be a Christian and have feelings for someone of the same sex.” (5:30)

The last thing I would like to explain is when I put in the word negligence. I asked Victoria if she believed society could become more tolerant. She is talking about political figures when she states, “I feel like if we do get other people in power that genuinely love America and genuinely love everybody as a whole, who think and act with empathy towards other people then hopefully we will become more tolerant.” (20:42) This answer is very important because when it comes to people in power making decisions out of hate instead of having love for everyone this is what is leading America in the wrong direction. It would be very sad and disappointing after all the progress that has taken place with people accepting individuals in the LGBTQ community for someone in power to come along and take all that away.

As I have stated before I have not known Victoria that long, but I can say that we have become such amazing friends in this short amount of time. Based on my participant observation while living with her, I have realized that she is truly one of the nicest, funniest, caring, and most accepting people I have ever met.


A Normal Oddity

I was walking to my car from my Chemistry lecture around 7 pm. My phone started ringing; Maddy Herrell was calling me. “Hey! I’m just calling to let you know I’m right on Main Street,” she told me. My apartment was right off Main Street so she would be getting there much before I would. “Okay, I am on my way right now,” I told her, just as I picked up my pace. It took me twenty minutes to reach my apartment and just as I got there I saw a small car outside of the gate, idling with the headlights on.

I met Maddy last summer and we continued to keep touch every now and then which really got us to know each other personally. We found out that we had very different views on politics and religion, which made her a perfect candidate for my interview because I wanted to know how she felt and responded to living her whole life in a very conservative town while being herself: an atheist.

The interview was set up in my room; I sat on my desk chair and she sat on my bed. I wanted to first address her school and personal life and show how incredibly engaging she is at just eighteen years old. Maddy is involved in the IB program which “…stands for International Baccalaureate….and it is a very tough and stressful thing to go through” (1:15), and on top of this, she has to juggle being on the track team and working as a waitress for Texas Roadhouse.

Maddy’s impressive resume was one of the first things about her that surprised me, and after having her explain this to me I could see she became a lot more relaxed with the interview which helped me change the topic and talk about more distinctive features about her. “I would like to shift gears a little here and talk about the more personal aspects of yourself: the aspects that may also set you apart from others and make you stand out” (4:47). I told her just before she followed up with a nice, relaxing assurance. I asked about her views on religion, and she responded that she had been an atheist since she was a child. This was mostly due in part by her mother’s influence and how she explained to her what religion was when she was only in elementary school. “You know my mom, she explained to me both Christianity and Atheism; she knew a lot about both. I just never saw Christianity as a realistic possibility” (5:10). She goes on telling me that, for her entire life, she has never found any sense in religion. This was really unexpected for me when I took into account that we both grew up in the same town of Peculiar, Missouri, a town that is overtaken by Christian-Conservative morals.

In Peculiar, you could find a church by heading three miles in any direction, in fact, right next to Raymore Peculiar High School is the United Methodist Church. Christianity was the common thread that residents held on to, so Maddy’s situation makes her the most unfortunate outlier. “Peculiar is a very ‘hick’ town and with most people leaning toward the Republican side…Most of my friends in school are Christians conservatives too,” (6:32) she explained. I asked her if she ever wanted to live anywhere else and with a brief pause, she responded: “I definitely would in the sense of moving away from that culture” (8:07). The only thing that keeps her back is her friends, all of whom she met living there and of course, no matter how bad a place is, when you grow up somewhere it is always going to be your home. In regards to politics, Maddy is a strong Democrat and again, this was greatly due in part by her mother. Her mother has always been a woman who never saw the truth in religion or Republican matters, and despite living in a right-wing town, she always kept her position.

I asked her how she felt living in Peculiar and if she had ever been fearful, and of course, she explained that in some instances she does feel scared by being out of place in a crowd of “dudes with big trucks, Confederate flags, or Trump banners” (9:20). Maddy thinks that the influence of Trump on the Peculiar community has been nothing but poor and that the President has excited ignorance and even white supremacy. “Because of all this, I feel like I don’t have a say at my school, or like I shouldn’t have one because I would get made fun of or laughed at,” (9:50) she added confidently. Being picked on has been something Maddy faced at school with her opposition toward conservatism and she said that the only thing to do is to just shake it off.

Parker Hauptmann, Portrait of Maddy Herrell, Kansas City, March 2019, All rights reserved.

I was very intrigued, however, when she mentioned white supremacy at her school and I wanted to dig deeper into this. “Was there an instance where you have seen someone being judged by their race?” (12:12) I asked. With her eyes wide open, “Oh, of course, I mean I know there are instances like those everyday….The whole town has this problem where, if there is anyone who stands out as being non-white will definitely be looked at or judged” (12:15). After she said this I started to think back to my experiences in town, and she was absolutely right; Peculiar residents are not very fond of seeing non-white citizens, particularly the older folks.

Up until the early 2000s, Peculiar was a completely caucasian town, but when the county population grew dramatically, more people flocked to the quiet, peaceful countryside. For the first time, African-American, Latino, and Middle Eastern families were added to the population, and it was quite evident that it was a shock to some natives. Maddy and I grew up during this time and going to school with kids that were a different race than us was normal but that didn’t mean everyone lived in harmony.


Parker Hauptmann, Portrait of Peculiar, Missouri, September 2018, All rights reserved.

She continued by saying, “…at school, this is totally worse. We have a bunch of racism happening, mostly because a lot of high schoolers are very stupid and immature” (13:05). The immaturity comes from kids saying racial slurs that start out as jokes but gradually spread into actual assertions; an example would be the use of the n-word: a common term used in today’s songs and youth culture. “The n-word gets said like everyday, and it’s mostly by white students too. They’ll just be saying it whether they are referring to a friend or rapping song lyrics that have the word in it….the word has definitely been used through hate and racism at our school, this is where our ‘hick’ and ‘confederate flag’ notion gets to use” (15:10).

Maddy told me a first-hand experience of racism at school involving a foreign-exchange student from Germany who was at a football game. Since his first time at Ray-Pec, he has been under much torment for his thick accent and looks but on this particular night, “he was standing on the rail just minding his own business and all of a sudden I hear one of the lower-classmen behind me yell, “What’s that German kid doing here, go home!”(15:27). Maddy immediately retaliated and proudly stood up for her friend.

I followed up her story by asking her if she was in a similar situation all due in part by her atheism because as said before, this was not a common ideology for a Peculiar teen to have. She appeared to be more nervous with her response:“…I remember in 4th grade, this one kid found out that I didn’t believe in God and just started telling all the other kids. Everyone just kinda kept giving me looks, and just like, whisper to each other about me” (17:17). This type of reaction was very common and she would even lose friends over it; “As if my religion changed who I was,” (17:17) she included.

Parker Hauptmann, Sixth Grade Portrait of Maddy Herrell, All rights reserved.

The most traumatizing experience she went through involved her 6th-grade teacher. Maddy was heard saying the Lord’s name in vain and her teacher was so furious as to call her out in front of the entire class. “She just started talking about how the Lord is her shepherd and ‘You won’t say my Lord’s name in vain’, practically preaching in the classroom” (21:20). I felt sorry for her after hearing this account because if this happened to me in 6th grade I knew I would be so scared as to cry. Maddy assertively stated that a teacher has no right to influence religion like that, yet it still happened to her.

As the interview concluded, Maddy left with one last postulation, “If someone judges me for what I believe in then their opinion doesn’t matter….I just don’t care what they have to say to me” (22:11). This is a perfect representation of her; she is strong, considerate, and wise beyond her years. Even though we don’t have the same perspectives, it is because of her attitude towards me that we have continued to be friends, and if more people had the same outlook then relations would be much easier to hold on to.

Do you believe in faith? Do you believe in love? Do you believe in God above? Well up here we will tell you so.

Up here, in this wonderful township, We will proudly represent his sponsorship. Nothing brings us closer; a perfect relationship.

God loves his beautiful children, through thick and thin. One big, happy family. A righteous kin. But will he still love you if you don’t see him?

If you don’t see him, you do not love him. You do not admire his creations. You are unresponsive and live under fabrication.

Don’t get sucked into the wrong. Don’t go down that road. That’s Satan’s lair; he will take you and not let go.