It’s the best time of the year. The family has come together and we all are excited to celebrate Christmas. I can’t wait to see all of my cousins , aunts and uncles. During Christmas, I enjoy catching up with all of my favorite cousins and learning about all of the new things going on in their lives. We are all almost adults and will be graduating soon. A few of my cousins live in Georgia so it’s always exciting to see and spend time with them again. My cousin ZK , 17 years of age, is expecting a baby soon and we are all happy and excited to meet the new addition to the family. My cousins and I go ice skating every year on Christmas. This year is different because ZK won’t be able to participate. We decide to go anyway to not disrupt the tradition and she agrees to come and still enjoy our company. Here we are, skating, laughing and drinking hot cocoa just like old times. As we skate, I sneak a glimpse of ZK and notices that she’s not smiling and looks sad. So, my cousins and I decide to go talk with her a bit. I proceed to ask her what’s wrong and if she wants to talk about it. ZK seemed to fake a smile and insist on being okay and not wanting to talk about (00:03). I knew something wasn’t right so I kept trying to get her to talk. She finally just started crying and said, “I don’t know how to talk about it,”(00:10). We all just hugged her and told her it’s okay and to let it out. We wanted her to feel safe and know that we are always here for her. ZK began to sob and say, “I just feel so left out and alone… things are so different.. And I’m already going through enough back home,”(00:20). I wanted to know what she was going through and how we could help. ZK says that, “back home it’s so uncomfortable for me. I get teased at school and I can’t even go anywhere without feeling like I’m being judged,”(00:30). My cousins and I felt so bad and didn’t know what to say. ZK says, “They said all kinds of things like, I’m too young to be having sex, I’m going to be a bad mother because I’m too young, and that I wouldn’t graduate.”(00:37) We all sat there devastated and tried to help ZK calm down as much as possible. We told her to not let these things bring her down and to stay positive. We offered suggestions on homeschooling, and ways that would help her feel comfortable. ZK only had one year left of school so she wanted to stay put and finish it out. We encouraged her to be brave and to not let the things the kids said affect her because we all know it’s not true and that’s all that matters. ZK slowly stopped crying and felt better because of our help(00:45). We asked ZK about her parents feelings towards her pregnancy. She said, “At first I thought they would hate me too, for getting pregnant before graduating, but, unexpectedly, they supported me. They gave me great advice on how to handle these situations, on how to stay positive and they made me feel safe. It really helped a lot knowing they still loved me the same and wasn’t mad at me,”(00:56). We told her that that’s all that matters. As long as your family is by your side, then the opinions of strangers don’t matter. After the talk, we decided to go home. We all knew that this tradition helped us get through a tough time, and we would never forget this Christmas.
Two years later…
ZK is doing amazing. She has more confidence and looks at things differently. We call each other often and I asked her if she was still facing challenges. She said, “The biggest challenge I still face is stereotypes among young, single mothers. I have to deal with people thinking I’m less of a mother because of my age and overall just having to prove to the world that I’m a great mother despite my age and it doesn’t matter how old I am. I love my son and would do anything in the world for him. I go to work everyday to provide for him. I have my own home and car, and I make sure he goes to school, eats and is well taken cared of,”(05:10). I told her how much I admire her love for her son and how she proves not only to others, but to herself that she is a great mother. I asked her what did she learn from that situation in high school and how did it affect her today: she said, “If i had went to school and those kids didn’t bully me or make me uncomfortable, I feel like it would have made my pregnancy easier. I would have have had more confidence within myself and not have felt insecure every time I left out my house. I think they played a major role with my attitude towards the outside world during my pregnancy. Like I felt like everyone was out to judge me or look down on me so I never wanted to go out publicly. I sometimes didn’t want to post my son on social media because I knew people were judging me,”(06:25). She stated, “I just wish I could have experienced my senior year in a more positive way without being bullied, but I look at these things differently now. I think if I wouldn’t have gone through those tough times then I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. I think that situation was a blessing in disguise. It made me strong, patient and motivated during my pregnancy. It taught me how not to let things affect me negatively, but to find the good in it. I think it helped me to be a better mother. Honestly, I look at it as fuel to keep me going,”(07:00). We both were able to laugh now about the situation and it didn’t seem to make ZK sad anymore. Instead she was able to talk about it now and let it all out. ZK learned that time heals all wounds…
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