We were family, we were friends
We were blood, we were connections
There was a church, with a so-called community
Believe what they said, follow what you see
The lies they spoke had struck me mute
All I could do is follow suite
Among this herd stood a black sheep
One that was gay in a conservative community
This blackness, this “difference”
Was I so different? Were my goals so wrong?
Clouded my thoughts, ruining my existence
I wanted to be happy, be with right person
Suffocated by the wool they pulled over me
Mask of cotton hiding the truth, unseen
No choice was there, I had to breath
The truth was here, they needed to see
Removing the shackles of my fleece prison
Above the herd I had risen
Appeared to have the same face, but different
My face is still there, isn’t it?
My feelings were true, they said it was a sin
Held tightly by the jaws of Satan
I realized then I was neither sheep nor devil
Instead I was human, trapped in the middle
Their clothes of wool and these bleating sheep
Turned sour snarls and gnashing teeth
Before were sheep, now turned wolves
Convulsing, disgusting, wretched souls
Barking, biting, clawing, scraping
Screaming, crying, running, shaking
“Help me! Please!”
I screamed and screamed
I had no choice, I had to flee
That was the only way I could be free
I grabbed my things and flew far away
I found myself a new place: a city
No sheep, no wolves, no devils; but people
When I showed my face, they did not tremble
I had family, friends, and a new home
Rather, they welcomed me with open arms:
My partner that I love and cherish
I had to protect it: my right to love
I now go far and wide
From political to social
From down below to up above
“Accept people for who they are,
To tell everyone about my message:
Not for who you want them to be!
People speak up and out!
Stand together and with each other,
as parts of community or allies;
We are united, we are as one,
We will create a more accepting world!”
I interviewed a former member of the LGBTQIA affairs council at UMKC, Steven, where we discussed his struggles with his sexuality throughout his life. Steven was homosexual amongst a religious community intolerant of homosexuals, forcing him to act the role of the “black sheep.” Even with this, Steven still was involved with the church community, providing the metaphor that Steven was a “sheep following the herd.” Throughout the poem, I used other words such as “herd”, “wool”, “cotton”, etc. to follow the symbolism. The line “Suffocated by the wool they pulled over me,” means the “sheep” – Steven’s community – were forcing their views upon Steven, overwhelming him and, in a sense, “suffocating” him. Throughout this part, Steven struggles to find the strength until finally can remove “the shackles of [his] fleece prison” and rises above the herd, a symbol of Steven coming out to his community.
I drew from other artistic sources to compose this poem. One of them was Night and Fog by Alain Resnais. It is a documentary describing people’s lives in death camps during the Holocaust. At one point the narrator questions “[w]ho among us keeps watch over this strange watchtower to warn the arrival of our new executioners? Are their faces really different from our own?” Resnais questions, how can these “executioners” do such cruel acts towards their fellow human? I wrote the line “Appeared to have the same face, but different/ My face is still there, isn’t it?” I was inspired by this quote, emphasizing that his community that he grew up with suddenly couldn’t “recognize” him, they couldn’t accept him.
The sheep transforming into wolves was inspired by the play Rhinoceros by Eugene Ionesco. The concept of the play was that people were changing into rhinoceroses, except for the protagonist, Dudard. This created a lot of confusion and panic between the humans and the rhinoceroses. Since humans spoke a different language compared to the rhinoceroses, communication between these two groups was impossible. I used the lines “Their clothes of wool and these bleating sheep/Turned sour snarls and gnashing teeth,” describing the people of Steven’s community transforming into these creatures that he could not relate to anymore. He could not reason or communicate with them, so he had to move somewhere else.
The last ark of the poem talks about Steven moving to a new place – Kansas City – and finding a community that accepts him and his identity, during this process, he finds his husband and establishes his life. During the interview, once Steven made it to Kansas City, he said he started “trying to empower and involve [himself] with friends, community, organizations that are supportive and uplifting; also trying to educate and advocate for myself and others, teaching others things that they might have never gained any kind of insight, exposure, too.” He is also an advocate for implementing government policies that support him and his community. I used the lines “I now go far and wide…We will create a more accepting world!” because of his involvement and goals of creating a more accepting world the LGBT community. I also decided to change the rhyming scheme to a non-rhyming scheme to establish these ideas a little more clearly.