April 2019 – Page 8 – From Us To Them

Song 945027

Walkin’ down from the stadium
At the west end Birmingham
Heard a sound from the boys above
Broken glass, broken glass

Friday night at the restaurant
When the waiter’s gone past
You and them might have had some fun
Move real fast, move real fast

All the things you know
Are the things that you dread
All those things were so
And were not inside your head
What you see, when it’s all said and done
You’re goin’ home, you’re goin’ home

Goin’ down to the five and dime
Do your hands down keep ‘em low
Live and learn as you walk down the aisle
Move real slow, move real slow

All the things you know
Are the things that you dread
All those things were so
And were not inside your head
What you see, when it’s all said and done
You’re goin’ home, you’re goin’ home

All the things you know
Are the things that you dread
All those things were so
And were not inside your head
What you see, when it’s all said and done
You’re goin’ home, you’re goin’ home
You’re goin’ home, you’re goin’ home
You’re goin’ home, you’re goin’…

Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin’ for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin’ for to carry me
Home…
You’re goin’ home, you’re goin’ home

About “Song 945027”

Beki Sidener

This song is a creative musical piece based on an interview I conducted with Dee, a young black man and college graduate from Birmingham, Alabama, who now lives in Kansas City, Missouri, and who is one of my work associates. I allowed this recording of the song to remain in a very raw and “live” state with a simple arrangement. This should convey to the listener a sense of angst, in consideration of a context of oppression that moves toward the hope of overcoming an outwardly impossible situation.

The title, “Song 945027,” alludes to Nazi concentration camp tattoos – numbers stamped onto the arms of the Jewish residents of the camps – and it is what prompted Dee to roll up his sleeves to show me his tattoos, which he chose to receive, and which display his ideology.

Drawing ideas from my conversations with Dee and my class on the Holocaust, I wanted to tie together themes of collective persecution of chosen people. One of those ideas was that of broken glass. “Broken glass” refers to bottles that were thrown at Dee by a group of white, drunken college boys, and to Kristallnacht (“The Night of Broken Glass”) when violence against Jews broke out across the Reich on November 9-10, 1938, as shattered glass from store windows littered the streets.

Most of the lyrics of “Song 945027” were written in a cryptic style to broaden the embrace of the message – to make it more universal. In other words, several groups of people may recognize themselves and their situations within the song. An example: “…the boys above” represent anyone thinking of themselves as superior to other people; and these are a type that we will always have with us, everywhere, in all cultures. Also, I used Dee’s dialect. Some phrases were purposefully disjointed and strategically embedded. For example, Dee said, “…dreads in my head…” (5:56), in our interview to refer to his hairstyle. I separated “dread” and “head” to two different lines and assigned a different implication to each, referring to the natural mind’s every day (and minute, hour and second) dread of anticipated and unimaginable treatment, and how it is not just in the victim’s head, as Dee’s good friends tried to tell him.

I chose the musical key of B♭ (B flat), a key often used by Classical/Romantic composers, because of its rich, open character and contemplative nature. This choice is also fitting for Dee’s admirable transparency and the profound, haunting effect that this interview had on me, especially during the transcription process – not so much from the material itself as from the bond that developed between my interviewee and me – from listening to his words over and over.

As well, I re-purposed B♭ to metaphorically translate into “be flat,” for people (or other creatures – spiders are a good example) who alter their actions, posture, or appearance – sometimes to the point of invisibility – to subdue the threat of their predators. The subjugated may disguise themselves to appear to belong to a different ethnic group or culture; or they might lessen their movements, either to hide in order not to be killed, or to not give a false impression of their intentions in order to placate their persecutors. Either way, the victims feel the need to adhere to the “rules of the land” to survive, whether in Nazi-Occupied Europe or their local grocery store.

Beki Sidener, heart on his sleeve, Kansas City, 2019.
All rights reserved.

“Song 945027” employs the chord arrangement of “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot,” written by Wallas Willis in 1840. I added the first verse of this Negro spiritual to the end of my song to say that, while Dee has gone through persecution and misunderstanding, he holds to the belief that vengeance should not be a tool in his life’s arsenal. And while as humans we all cry for relief from pain and long to return home – when all is said and done – Dee recognizes that he has been, and will ultimately be, carried home by his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Why Settle?

This year I began college at the University of Missouri. Coming from a small farm town to Kansas City, Missouri, was a dramatic change. I wanted to get the most I could out of this new chapter of my life, so I joined groups that sparked my interest. I joined a women’s Christian sorority on campus called Gamma Alpha Lambda, and there I met Juliana Chi.

I had known Juliana for only a short period of time before I had the chance to sit down with her to enjoy a much deeper conversation. She is genuinely one of the kindest people I have ever met. In addition, she is incredibly open to letting me share her story with my current class that is focusing on diversity. We also managed to dive deeper during our conversation on how America as a society is settling for cultural ignorance, and how others may share these same experiences in a predominantly white American culture today.

Juliana’s mother immigrated to the United States about thirty years ago. Juliana is the only one of her siblings to be born and raised in Kansas City. Juliana’s family places its strongest ties with Panamanian culture; however, her grandfather is Chinese. Juliana went back to Panama with her family to finish her junior and senior year of high school. Once she graduated she was admitted to the University of Missouri as a French major. I asked Juliana to tell me things she has experienced in her life that have impacted her in regards to culture.

“Juliana and her father performing a Folkloric Panamanian traditional dance,” date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana had an overall enjoyable childhood. Her first memory of ever feeling like something set her apart from others in her community was when she displayed a Folkloric Panamanian traditional dance at her school talent show with her father around kindergarten or first grade. “I just felt like people or kids would think it was weird and so I just remember feeling so embarrassed about it,” she recalled (2:08). It was a dance her mother found joy in as well as herself, but while performing it in front of a majority of people that did not have her same background of knowledge or culture, she felt like an outsider. Her teachers praised her, however, she still felt insecure about the inner conflicts she kept inside.

“Traditional Panamanian foods,” date unknown, all rights reserved.

Juliana’s friends and peers did not always understand why she did things differently from them. People were not intentionally making comments that made her feel separated from the crowd, but rather the cultural divide of understanding between her and her American friends. These differences often became apparent when Juliana would bring lunches to school, have friends over, or have exceptionally different rules to follow set by her parents. “I definitely had experiences like at school where I would bring food from home, and kids would be confused, it wasn’t the traditional Wonder Bread sandwich,” (6:19). Juliana explained how her mother was an amazing cook who made sure everyone ate home-cooked foods that often originated from Panama. Peers at Juliana’s school were befuddled when Juliana brought dishes like seafood soup or rice and beans to school (6:43). Understandably, it made Juliana feel out of place.

As Juliana faced these inner self-conflicts, she did her best to make herself “Latina enough” or “American enough” depending on who she was around. For example, she would do her best to not mention things that were related to her Latin culture around her American friends, and vice versa with her Latina friends. If her friends came over she would be nervous when her mother slipped up on her English or if she made a Panamanian dish that her friends thought was weird. Juliana explained that even though it was a challenge, she found friendships in high school with people who could relate to her. Even though they didn’t share her exact same cultural background, they knew what it was like to have so many different roots. “There’s a beauty to that kind of relationship,” (8:35).

“Juliana in a traditional Panamanian dress,” Date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana then made a point that our society should focus on today, just because you don’t grow up somewhere, doesn’t mean that’s not where you find your identity. Wherever you feel most comfortable, that’s where you should be able to say you are from without any backlash. I stated before that my class focuses on diversity, but we are also deeply centered on the history of the Holocaust. One of our assignments was to watch the film Jud Suss, directed by Viet Harlan, a film used as Nazi propaganda against the Jews. In a portion towards the beginning of the film, the Jewish antagonist, Joseph Oppenheimer, tells a beautiful young German woman, “I do not have a home, the world is my home,” (Jud Suss, Veit Harlan, 1940, 14:10-14:22). This was a stereotype emphasized by the phrase “wandering Jew” that Nazi Germany used to tell others that the Jews do not have a home because they do not belong anywhere. However, having one place that you call home does not encompass your entire identity, wherever you feel at home and what feels right in relation to who you are is all that matters.

“Juliana in another traditional Panamanian dress,” Date unknown, All rights reserved.

Juliana explained that for the most part, she has not had many outstanding circumstances of discrimination or feeling as though people were against her for who she is. However, she had one incident she will always remember. She was working for a shoe store in Kansas City and had just put her two weeks notice in. The store had just received a new manager, and that day he was showing around a new employee. Everything was fine until he decided to introduce the two, “Her name is Juliana or WHO-liana? Whatever, however you say it in Panamanian,” her boss explained. Juliana replied, “It’s actually Spanish but okay,” (19:44). The manager then told the new employee Juliana was leaving them by saying, “Yeah her visa’s ending,” (20:34). Juliana found his comment hurtful and she was overall taken aback. When she said she was actually born in America, he acted surprised. This kind of ignorance is exactly what needs to be exterminated in American society today. Juliana stated that he wasn’t trying to be hurtful, he was just trying to make a joke but it came out offensive unintentionally. However, anything that is mocking a person’s identity is nothing to poke fun at. I personally understood what it was like for people to make fun of something that takes up such a large portion of your identity as I was often made fun of in grade school for being Native American. Behind every joke is a little bit of truth or at least what that person thinks, therefore legitimizing the lie.

I sympathized with Juliana for having to go through that situation. It’s not something that anyone should have to fall victim to, however it happens every day at schools, workplaces, etc. I asked what Juliana thinks needs to change in American society today, she said, “Have a much more integrated holistic educational system that includes other languages and learning about other cultures, rather than just a very narrow minded perspective,” (25:08). This very statement made me reflect on my educational system I grew up in. Every time we went over American history, teachers had a noticeable lack of concern for the Native American portion and it did not settle well with me. I took a history class during my first semester at the University of Missouri and learned many things I had no idea about. Why does American culture “sugar coat” history? If everything was up front from the start, as well as diving into the significance of all cultures, wouldn’t we have a much more open and tolerant society as a whole?

“Juliana today in Kansas City, MO,” 2019, all rights reserved.

Juliana explained that this seems to be the current American ideology: “Well if we implement our belief systems, into these completely different cultures, it’ll work for them and they’ll have a much better life,” (28:24). When one thinks about that point of view, it is undeniable how willfully disrespectful and ignorant so many people can truly be. It’s hard growing up being prideful of your own country and who you are to discover that there are in fact many things that need to change. It is good to be prideful of where you are from and we have reason to take pride in being American, but that doesn’t mean that we need to whitewash everyone who comes in.

American society as a whole has come a long way, but why not strive to be the best country for anyone who moves here? Why not strive to teach our children about the wonderfully diverse cultures and people that live right here in our own neighborhoods? Why not have school systems that focus on truth rather than semi-fiction? Why settle? America can do it, but it starts with every individual and their choices on how to treat others. It starts with you.

This We’ll Not Defend

A society so blind to difference.

People of a multitude of colors and cultures are so timorous.

Taught to follow a mold and not to break it.

I never knew I was dissimilar to the majority.

For I was surrounded by those alike that enjoyed me.

Living in America, a country of freedom and equality,

I never truly felt accepted, even in the U.S. Army.

*Olivia Stoehr, Portrait of Faustino Barbosa, St. Joseph, MO, 1951, February 2019. All rights reserved.*

You would expect during a war we would all be treated the same,

But that wasn’t the case.

I was viewed by others as simple-minded.

Unable to comprehend what the officers wanted.

Only having friends resembling me,

While the others speak sly slurs to some degree.

Required to complete whatever duty the officers assign,

Never to question why we couldn’t be on the front lines.

Manipulation and mistreatment are customary.

Majors fabricating a job to drive trucks,

In hopes we would volunteer without any fuss.

I conclude from a friend they are tricking us.

Presuming that our kind are used to laborious tasks,

Since that would be our occupation outside of the war.

Assumptions make my soul feel sore.

For I am just like everyone else inside.

But they see me as vermin and want me fried.

I stand my ground because I am proud,

For my culture is a part of me.

Only if this world could see me for who I truly am,

Then I wouldn’t be told by those I know to scram.

An interview I had with a great uncle, Faustino Barbosa, about his difference in race, compared to myself, inspired this interview. Faustino Barbosa, born in 1930, grew up in St. Joseph, MO his entire life, and faced discrimination. He grew up in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood, so he felt at ease there. Certain restaurants still banned him, and workers would refuse to serve him because of his race. Faustino was always compared to dogs, rodents, or other dehumanizing terms. People wanted to get rid of him like a homeowner would want to get rid of mice in their home, with that home being America. America was Faustino’s home too, so he always persevered through the hate. In this poem, I discuss Faustino’s experience as a minority in the U.S. Army, during the Cold War.

I used the line “But they see me as vermin and want me fried” as a reference to a book I read, called Maus, by Art Spiegelman. In the graphic novel, the Germans viewed Vladek and other Jews as vermin. This anti-Semitic view is a reason the Nazis found it justifiable to burn millions of Jews in crematories in concentration camps, from which Vladek remembered seeing and smelling the smoke. This related to Faustino because most white people saw him for his race and assumed he was useless and a nuisance, like a vermin. I used “Majors fabricating a job to drive trucks in hopes we would volunteer without any fuss” because Faustino experienced this specific incident while he was in the military. The majors were deceiving the Hispanics by fabricating a job that involved driving trucks but instead forced them to push giant wheel barrels. Also, Jews faced extreme manipulation when the Germans hauled them off to “camps.”

I relate to Faustino wanting others to see the real you, but I never was stereotyped for my race, since I am white. Faustino faced struggles I would never dream of facing because he is a different race than I am. My interview partner never saw himself as different and wanted others to see who he truly was. So, to portray that message I included the part about Faustino being proud of his culture and wanting people to know who he was as a person, not for the color of his skin.

Feeling Like Hawaii-versus-the-Continental-US

“In the second grade, I had a crush on a boy even though in the second grade you don’t know what love is or any of that…I kind of realized that being gay wasn’t normal and it wasn’t until the 8th grade that I was able to look into the mirror and say ‘I’m gay’”(2:16). I met Max our freshman year of high school when we were taking French classes together; it never seemed to bother me knowing that he is gay because that’s simply who he is. He never treated me a different way because of it in the sense that he received the same amount of respect that I received from him. To this day, Max and I are still close friends and have had a class together for two semesters now as freshmen in college. Max is the youngest child in his family and he has an interest in studying neuroscience. From a very young age, Max knew that he was gay, but it wasn’t until he was older that he realized that it is okay to be gay; he should be accepted not simply for being gay, but for who he is as a human being.

Benson Kua, The Gay Pride Flag, San Francisco, Wikimedia Commons, March 2019, Some Rights Reserved

Although his friends are fully aware and are accepting of him, one of his biggest issues was having a partner, or relationship per se, as “normal” people do. “It’s just very lonely. I remember at one point I described it to my friends as I felt like I was Hawaii, and the rest of the world is the continental US.” (3:40) Feeling like an outsider, just how the state of Hawaii is compared to the US, Max still had hope. While the gay community is very small in some places, Max knew that with patience and time would come the right guy for him. Luckily, Max has found someone who cares for him the way he does for his partner. They have been together for over a year now.

To this day, Max does come across certain events where he feels unwelcome or attacked. Recently, a few weeks ago, Max was scrolling through Facebook and came across an article that was shared by one of his friends regarding the idea of teaching LGBT history in public schools. Seeing who shared this article came to great a surprise for Max because he had known this person since they were both very young, since elementary school to be exact. Out of curiosity, Max decided to comment on this post to see her reasoning and understand her view point on the topic. “Somebody on Facebook actually told me that because I am gay, I should be stoned to death because that’s what it says in the bible. This was a person-I actually went to elementary school with them, I was actually really close friends with them; we kind of fell out of contact throughout high school and now all of a sudden they are directly telling me that I should be buried up to my neck and have people throw rocks at me.” (10:24) Max truly was not expecting a response like this, especially from someone who he used to consider a really good friend of his; he simply wanted to know why she had shared this post. “On this specific post it was about teaching LGBT history and she said that she wouldn’t want her kids to learn LGBT history and I was like ‘why?’ You know because it’s just history and it escalated to so much more…” (13:28). Max had noticed that her friends were supporting her views and proceeded to act like Max was not a human but as a target. “Why are you using my sexuality to define me as a whole person? Just treat me like a normal person, if you find out that I am gay or see me with my boyfriend, I hope that your attitude towards me doesn’t change at all.” (29:10) Social issues like this are still very present to this day and it happened to Max so unexpectedly. “I’m happy that I made as many people on Facebook aware of the situation that I could, that way people don’t forget that homophobia is still such a prevalent thing in America, you know? A lot of people think that it all ended when we got the right to marry but that’s just not true.” (18:26) For Max and the rest of the LGBTQ community, marriage is only the first step for having their voices heard.

After going through an event like this from a former friend, Max’s current and closest friends showed him their support and apologized for her actions. “It was nice to have their support but at the same time, their support only goes so far because they still don’t understand what it’s like to truly be in the position that I am.” (15:46) Being in the situation that Max was in isn’t a situation that everyone can easily relate to, having the support from his friends was kind and thoughtful but it still wasn’t enough to repair the damage that was done.

Many people in the LGBTQ community still have a hard time finding the right words to describe him or herself in a way that they will not feel ashamed or unwelcome by his or her family and friends. When I asked Max what advice he would give to others who are still trying to figure out when is the right time for him or her to “come out”, he said “Come out when you’re ready but don’t feel like it’s a bad thing…Also, don’t out other people because I have outed people before when I was younger and it’s something that I regret a lot. If you have just come out you might think ‘Oh it’s not a big deal, everyone should come out’ but you know not everybody is ready, so don’t try to push anybody out.” (26:41) Timing is very critical for each individual and each person does things differently. From Max’s advice, I learned that not everyone is in the same situation about their sexuality and that his or her choice and position needs to be respected at all times, especially in a sensitive topic like this.

No one deserves to feel hated or unwelcome simply because of who he or she is. This goes for all subject matter whether it’s because of his or her race, sexuality, or religion. Innocent people like this deserve to be treated as a person and most importantly as a human being who isn’t harming anyone.

Max has learned a lot about himself, the LGBTQ community, and about certain individuals themselves since the day that he confirmed the fact that he is gay. While at times he feels like an outsider like the state of Hawaii, he knows that he isn’t alone and that he has the care and support from the rest of the continental US. At only 18 years old, he is still learning what it is like to be gay and what baggage comes with it in a society that still isn’t 100% accepting of the LGBTQ community. “I want societies to realize that being gay is 100% natural. A lot of people use that unnatural argument that we shouldn’t allow or accept gay people because it’s unnatural…I just want people to be more accepting of the LGBT community. I mean it gets really annoying after a while.” (32:16) Through personal experiences and experiences from others, he hopes to bring more awareness to people he knows and other communities about how these situations truly need to be understood and handled.

Not My Definitive Label

In our junior year of high school, I became friends with my interviewee, CB. Through our friendship, I’ve gotten to know him foremost as someone who is enthusiastic, involved, and hardworking. Together, we navigated our difficult classes with late-night study sessions at Starbucks and memorable but amusing lab incidents. He had already become an important friend to me before I ever knew about his sexual orientation. As his friend, I knew he might have gone through some difficult times because of who he is, and I wanted to learn more about him. In this way, I could empathize with his experiences.

Kim Phan, Photo of CB, Kansas City, March 2019. All rights reserved.

During our interview when I asked, “what words do you use to name your difference?” (00:12) he responds in a blunt but joking voice, “Gay” (00:19).

CB elaborates: “I didn’t have like […] this bright rainbow that showed me like, gay. But, I don’t know, it just felt like it was always part of me” (00:46). When he found a name for how he was feeling, he says, “it was nice to realize that there were other people like that out there like me, that even though I wouldn’t be deemed normal by society […] I would still be accepted by some people somewhere” (30:24). It was also terrifying for him to realize that he belonged to “a demographic that’s persecuted against, and that people can use my quality of being a homosexual against me for no reason whatsoever” (30:24).

Although in recent years society has grown more accepting, regarding the LGBT community, less than a century ago homosexuals were victims of a systematic genocide known as the Holocaust. Nazis forced Jews to wear the yellow Star of David just as they labeled homosexuals with a pink triangle and eliminated them in death camps.

In the twenty-first century, CB faces different challenges. Growing up in a “white, middle-class, Republican family” (1:13) has made it difficult for him to express himself. Even now his parents won’t let him tell his extended family and because of this “I feel like I’ve been blocked from them kind of” (2:10).

Subtle interactions frame how CB sexuality affects his daily life, and overall, his anxiety stems from the risk that his sexual orientation will negatively impact him. He is anxious that the people he meets, especially superiors like teachers, might have a bad perception of homosexuality and will project that onto him (2:49). When he does tell people about being gay, “the first like five seconds of not only their verbal communication but their nonverbal communication tell you it all” (1:33). When he wants people to see him for who he is, as a good student and a good person, he worries that they aren’t going to accept him and will only see him as “just, gay” (2:10). And although he has never been physically persecuted, he does fear the possibility.

It was only towards the end of our senior year did I learn that he was gay. Honestly, up to that point, I never gave it much thought, and the possibility didn’t cross my mind. But once I learned about it, there was no reason for that fact to change our friendship. I felt like that was just a part of the CB I already knew, and I was glad that he trusted me enough to tell me.

Other friends have reacted differently. CB admits to wanting to change during high school in response to this, “I was in a group of friends, who I’m still friends with yes, who are, like my family, white, middle class […] they’re very strong Republicans. And, that’s not saying anything bad against them, it’s just everyone has their different views but, I’ve been friends with them all my life, and I’m still friends with them today” (5:06). Finding a more diverse friend group has helped CB destress, and during the interview, we laughed about how differently he acts around his separate peer groups.

“Look, our nerd friend group is probably like, one of my saving graces for my senior year, because it got me away from everything else, and you guys showed me like […] my friends don’t have to be assholes and I don’t have to hide myself” (6:07).

CB was involved in several extracurricular activities in high school, including cross-country. I remember driving to school for an early class at 6:30 when I would see him running with his teammates on the sidewalk. Now CB tells me that even though he loves running and being with a team, “one of the most, like stressful parts of my day is going to practice” (8:00). Although they never talked about it, he says that some people on his team either knew or suspected that he was gay. He could tell that some of those people were uncomfortable about it “Because I mean we’re all running around shirtless” (7:09). He never faced any serious verbal persecution, instead “Everything that I have like viewed as harmful or persecutive towards myself, has always been non-verbal or just in absent, where they just block me, basically. Or like ghost me and try not to […] come in contact with me” (8:36). In the case of his cross-country teammates, they would look at him differently and it “would just get really annoying and stressful” (8:00).

This ghosting is a kind of symbolic annihilation as opposed to a physical one. Those who don’t understand or think negatively about his difference chose to make him invisible to them, rather than confronting their views. Because of this, they don’t get to know him, and they never see past the label put on him.

According to CB, environmental factors and their upbringing are the reasons people act this way. Parents and peers had certain expectations for the social norm, so when it came to homosexuality, those with more traditional views “didn’t know how to react to it” (9:38). The topic was never discussed at home so when someone raised in that environment does meet a homosexual, “since they don’t know how to react to it, they just, automatically just think negatively” (10:25).

When faced with discrimination, CB chose not to associate himself with those people “because, there’s no point if they’re just going to harm you” (10:52). However, reflecting back, CB feels like he should have “been more upfront about it […] verbal with them, talk to them, not like accuse them of anything obviously, but like, just discuss with them rather than just what I did of just neglecting them” (11:36). He feels like he let those people get away with it and that they are going to act the same to another homosexual. Although he feels like he should have stopped it, he also thinks positively “that because I didn’t get furious and mad at them, and I didn’t accuse of anything […] I took the high road” (11:36).

In his group of friends, CB enjoys being able to think positively and cope by joking about tough things. In an environment where people don’t judge you, “it’s nice because you can focus on what you need to focus on, what you’re trying to get done, or trying to learn […] or just having a good time.” (13:15)

He is mad when he thinks about those of the LGBT community who face persecution, and it scares him knowing that it happens in other places across the world. If he were to travel somewhere like that, he wouldn’t know what to do since he’s lived in a fairly liberal city. For example, in southern America, a person would “have a completely different story […] because of the values down there” (15:48).

Today, CB still struggles with hiding from his siblings and extended family who are rural Republicans. He parents thought that telling them would destroy their family. CB doesn’t blame his extended family because “that’s what they’ve been taught, that’s what they’ve been exposed to.” (16:36) Although he wants to tell them, it scares him as to how to do that. He wonders if it would change the dynamic of their relationships. “That’s probably my biggest obstacle is just figuring out how to tell people who are really close to me.” (17:10)

CB wants people to know that “being gay is not my definitive label.” (21:02) Rather than respond positively or negatively to his sexuality, he “wouldn’t [want people to] to respond at all.” (19:35) He wants society to reach a point where it won’t matter if he tells people that he’s gay and he wouldn’t have to differentiate himself in that way. “I have a lot of different purposes in my life, and I’m a good person, and I do good things […] being in a homosexual community, isn’t, shouldn’t be a label for me and it isn’t a good thing and it isn’t a bad thing. It’s just me.” (21:51)

A Kuwait Christian Man Who Worked in a Bakery during the Iraqi Invasion

On the 16^th of February 2019, I sat on my desk and began staring intensely at the face of a distinguished middle-aged man with a mustache and a slightly bald head. This was the face of my uncle Faisal Almedej, aged forty-three, who lived in Kuwait. However, his image seemed to be a little bit different from our video calls since he looked uneasy in spite of having expressed great excitement when I requested him for an interview. Family ties play a significant role in my culture as a way of maintaining strong bonds with members of our extended family. Though I did not have a strong connection with Faisal, I knew him from my parents. Also, I knew that he had a family and worked as a mechanical engineer. Faisal was a hard working person and was committed to his family since he wanted the best for his family. I knew my cousin Faisal as a staunch Christian unlike most of the family members who were Muslim. Religion isolated Faisal from my family members, and it always made him stand out from our family members and relatives during social gatherings.

*Faisal’s Uncle, Nasser Al-Shawe.* All rights reserved.

I started our interview by asking him to tell me a little bit about his personality. During the introduction, Faisal stated that he felt different from the rest of the Kuwaiti society because of his Christian roots. I asked Faisal to tell me about a scenario when his Christianity made him feel insecure and discriminated by the Kuwaiti society. Faisal took a deep breath before answering the question since he had a lot of stories to share. I could tell by looking at his eyes that he wished I never brought up that question in our interview. He sighed deeply and began sharing some of the events that had happened to him at the age of twenty. He began by narrating the 1990 Gulf War wherein everybody knew that Iraq had invaded Kuwait (20:40). Faisal narrated this event without emotion since he was furious with the events that took place. His voice changed when he began talking about the invasion of Iraqi forces in Kuwait. He was filled with emotion while talking about how Saddam’s forces hated Shia Muslims in Kuwait. This hatred forced the Iraqis to expel the Kuwaiti Shia’s forces from their houses and started killing them.

During our interview process, I was horrified by the events that Faisal was narrating. I had read about the Iraqi in 1990 which resulted in the Gulf War. I did know that my cousin was affected by the Gulf War since the Iraqi soldiers were intolerant of religious differences because they were Sunni Muslims who were targeting the Shia Muslims in Kuwait. During our interview, I kept wondering how the Iraqi forces would treat a person ruthlessly since he was not a Muslim. Faisal went on narrating the events that took place and uncovering all the hidden secrets done by Iraqi forces. Faisal stated that the Iraqi forces received information that Kuwait had a small population of Christians living there. His voice changed as he said the next words because Iraqi soldiers kicked them out of their house and either killed them or enslaved them. I could not imagine the horror of being in a war zone where your enemy wants to kill you because of your religion.

*A portrait of Uncle Ameen, a teacher during the occupation. All rights reserved.*

Faisal continued talking about how the Iraqi forces were taking control of his neighborhood. Iraqi soldiers used heavy arm machinery such as tanks that shook the earth when they patrolled the streets as a show of strength to the helpless Kuwaiti residents. Faisal stated that the Iraqi forces who kicked him out of his house were no ordinary troops since they wore red caps that identified them as elite soldiers. During their patrol search in Kuwait, the Iraqi forces provoked images of the ruthless elite SS Nazi troop. Faisal was captured by Iraqi forces after they discovered that his father was a Christian. He was then taken in as a slave and was forced to work at the bakery where he was assigned to prepare food for the army.

I kept asking myself why the red-capped Iraqi forces were ruthless to my cousin. Faisal stated that the soldiers had motives of using force to kill or enslave Christians. One of the major reasons was that they had bad blood towards Kuwait since they wanted to take their wealth. Saddam wanted to overthrow the government, subjugate its people, and proceed to collect revenue from the Kuwait oil reserves. The second reason was because of the religious differences between the forces and the Kuwait residents. According to Faisal, the Iraqi forces were ruthless to the Kuwait residents because of their differences in religion. Therefore, they did not care how they treated people living in Kuwait. In our interview Faisal stated that he hates Iraqi soldiers since they took his country and killed more than 400,000 people including women and children (27:51). Faisal recounted how the Iraqi forces used violence to instill fear in Kuwait residents by mistreating them and killing them. He said these words with tears filled in his eyes when giving an account of how he witnessed Iraqi forces hanging old men and women on the streets.

*Kuwait currency during the invasion*, All rights reserved.

I had never considered the deadly impact of intolerance. This is because I viewed intolerance as an undesirable act in our community since it violates the rights of other people. In my opinion, intolerance stops society from benefiting from the social and economic growth of our homeland. Listening to Faisal, I discovered that religious prejudice could lead to mass genocide in our communities. For instance, Hitler used racial differences of the Jews to justify their internment in concentration camps as well as defending the killings that took place during the Holocaust. The Iraqi forces used their faith differences with the Kuwait Shia’s and Christians to justify their slaughter and their inhuman behavior.

Faisal was more than willing to share with me about the hard times he had suffered. He stated that despite being mistreated and forced to live in a deprived environment, he was forced to work at the bakery to cater for his mother and to ensure that other Kuwait families had something to eat. He recalled how each Kuwait family played its role in ensuring that they survived. Faisal’s closest friend, Saad, committed himself to keeping the neighborhood clean by removing the bullets and shells that littered the streets. His father joined the foreign troops in fighting the Iraqi forces that had taken control of Kuwait.

*Shells collected by Faisal’s cousin after the Iraqi invasion, All rights reserved.*

I wanted to find out how the Muslim Kuwaitis treated Faisal during this troubled time of the country. Faisal stated that everybody was committed in ensuring the survival of the homeland and differences went unnoticed. Faisal smiled as he remembered how his Muslim neighbors worked together with him and treated him with a lot of respect. According to Faisal, the Gulf War brought them closer and made them better as a whole than the invasion since they worked and lived together and identified each other as Kuwaiti citizens (18:07). These words filled me with great hope since it meant that the prejudice that people had could be overcome. I questioned myself whether the situation had gotten better for him after the end of the Gulf War. I asked Faisal to share with me the greatest challenge he faces today as a Christian in Kuwait (20:10). Faisal said that the biggest challenge today is that Kuwait residents do not understand the importance of diversifying our societies (21:21). Faisal gave an account of an event where he informed people that he is Christian. His feeling of not being accepted in society was so great that he felt like relocating to a different place. Faisal stated that the idea of him moving was rooted in the hope that one day people would learn to be tolerant and treat each other with respect and consideration, regardless of their religion.

*Emmanuel Benjamin Ghareeb, a Kuwait priest, during the occupation. All rights reserved.*

As he continued speaking, I kept on asking myself why society was unfair to Faisal. He was a person who was loyal to his country and proved to be a true patriot during the Gulf War where he used his position as a baker to provide food for his neighbors. Faisal’s sister, who is also a Christian, used her position in the broadcasting station to leak important news to Kuwait residents who were at a greater risk if the Iraqi forces found them. Faisal discovered that during the difficult time in the country’s history, he had been treated as a brother and friend by his compatriots. However after the war, his identity as a Christian had made him an object of discrimination. Kuwait residents did not remember how he had helped his neighbors by providing food and protecting them from the Iraqi forces. I felt ashamed when I realized that I was part of the problem. I treated everybody with respect, and part of fault rested on me due to the fact that I viewed Faisal’s family as different based on their faith. Faisal’s family did not celebrate the special Islamic religious holidays or go to the mosque. This situation made me realize how my perception towards Faisal affected his being as well as his identity in society.

*A Church that was in Kuwait that is now located in Al-Ahmedi. All rights reserved.*

People should be more accepting of different cultures in our communities. We must understand that each person is entitled to follow his own religious path. People should not be victimized for exercising their freedom of religion. Instead of being prejudiced against people who are different from us, we should treat them with consideration since they are part of the human family. We should judge them based on their actions and character. Therefore, I believe that we should develop an inclusive society which accepts people regardless of their tribe, gender, religion or culture. Also, we should increase our exposure to people who come from different cultures and religious backgrounds because it will help us identify the common values we share as humans. This will help us create a society that accommodates everyone regardless of their religion. Also, it will help in addressing the social injustices taking place in our communities and how people can live together regardless of their religious perspective.