By Kara Lewis
Last week, actress and Academy Award-winner Brie Larson shared her experience with unwanted flirting via Twitter. The Room star wrote, “I merely smiled at a TSA agent and he asked for my number. To live life as a woman is to live life on the defense.”
Larson’s followers can clearly relate—the post has garnered over 4,000 retweets—but she’s also been met with negative reactions, ranging from angry to bizarre.
Among them, one user commented, “How is a guy supposed to win? He thought you were pretty and asked for your number. It’s not an assault. Just politely say no and move on.”
No, it wasn’t an assault, but the mindset that women should be open to being approached at any time and any place—while at work, going through security, on LinkedIn, or even while pointedly wearing headphones—certainly contributes to rape culture. And the thought that Larson elicits or deserves this because she’s “pretty,” compounds this situation.
The whole social media mess brought up several questions for me. First, why did a male Twitter user feel the need to tell a woman how she should’ve felt and reacted? Secondly, why is the number one objective making sure a man “wins” in almost any encounter with a woman?
As soon as I’d shrugged the story off, a friend recounted her experience being asked out while collecting interviews for a journalism project. Then, as if the universe remained determined to educate me about this issue, a man asked me out on Sunday as I loaded groceries into my car. Not kidding: This occurred after he ogled my lazy-day yoga pants and just as I hoisted four heaping bags of groceries into my arms (good timing, dude).
Perhaps the worst part is that this man, who seemed about 20 years older than me, used my “Kansas City is for Feminists” t-shirt as a pickup line. (Yep, it’s really cute… you can buy yours at the UMKC Women’s Center.) After asking me what a “feminist” really is and how to get involved in feminist causes, he listened to me explain with a glazed look in his eyes, then cut me off with, “So, can I take you out sometime?” The scene felt reminiscent of SNL’s and The New York Times’ recent take-downs of “faux male feminists.”
My answer was a definite no—and Larson, many other women and I shouldn’t have to explain our reasoning.