Today (when I wrote this post 6/14/16) marks a week that I’ve been home and sometimes it honestly doesn’t feel real. I am baffled that when I wake up in the morning I can’t just hop on a tube and go to Camden Market or Piccadilly Circus. I still feel like it hasn’t hit that I’m actually back in the states and not in London anymore. I miss it and it comes in waves, but mostly I’m glad to be home.
My mom keeps commenting on how “grown up” I look and even asked if I grew any because I looked taller one day (we both know I haven’t grown any since I was 13) and my dad says he saw me more in London than he has at home. This past week has been focused on summer school and getting caught up with friends. Almost every day since I’ve been home I’ve hung out with someone and it’s a little weirder than I thought. I often notice awkward silences and I think that’s just because so much has happened in the five months that I’ve been away.
They told us that people’s lives would go on while we were gone and that they would change too, but I didn’t realize how much until I saw everyone again. People got married and are starting families while other friendships have ended. I’ve still got a bit of jet lag left in me, because I’m still waking up at 7:30am when I usually don’t wake up until ten.
I’m not sad about being home and I love hanging out with my friends, it’s just a bit of an adjustment. After living in London, a city of 9 million people going back to Kansas City makes the world seem a bit smaller. In a lot of ways that’s really good, but like I said before I do miss being able to go out and do things by myself. However, I won’t have much free time left to dream about London. I’ll be starting work again soon and I’ll have summer school to keep me busy. I look forward to getting back in the groove of everything.
As mentioned before I can’t believe five months has come and gone. In that time I’ve changed so much as a person and for the most part I’d like to say it’s for the better. I’ve broadened my horizons and learned a lot about not only myself, but the world as well. While I was away in London I worked on telling myself I don’t have to have everything figured out, whether it be identity, who I am, what I want to be, what I’m going to do after I graduate, when I’m going to move out. All of those things. I just told myself that I’m still figuring it out. I’m 22 years young and it’s okay not to have my whole life figured out.
I feel more at peace with the unknown than I did before I left. Sure, it still scares the hell out of me, because I don’t know what I want from this world, I’m still figuring it all out. But when I do, I hope that whoever’s by my side gets it, whether it’s family or friends. Because that’ll make me happy and you know, that’s all anyone really wants, is to be happy.
So as sad as it is to say that this is the last post about studying abroad, it also feels like closure. And I just wanna say thanks to everyone or anyone who’s kept up or even read or liked one blog post. It means a lot to me and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my adventures and seeing the pictures.