Loving Yourself First

By Ayomide Aruwajoye.

Why is it, that as women, we deal with so much? In general, yes we do, but let’s concentrate on the idea of a relationship. Your boyfriend, spouse, partner has done you wrong so many times, but you still stay. So the real question is: when is enough ENOUGH?

You love them. Yes, I am aware of that. But do you really believe that love is supposed to hurt? Don’t get me wrong, in a relationship you do go through many tribulations which test the strength of your relationship. In a relationship, the saying “Something worked for is something earned” can clearly apply to that situation. When you start crying more than laughing, or constantly questioning why you’re in a relationship with that person, then SOMETHING IS WRONG.


Photo by ognid

I am not going to lie. I have been one that doesn’t want to accept the fact that he might just not be right for me. I couldn’t understand why, even though the bad outweighed the good, I still seemed to grab on to the good and wish for better days. Wishing (yea, I said wish) the same type of wish when you see a shooting star, and really believe that whatever you said at that moment will come true. I have wished for ponies, to live in the White House, and a Barbie jeep – I didn’t get any of those things.



Over the years I have come to the conclusion that to truly recognize how you want and need to be loved, you need to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! Point Blank! I know you’re reading this and saying, “But I do love myself.” Ask yourself – how do you know? What are the requirements to love yourself, and why is loving yourself so darn tricky? Let’s be real, who doesn’t want to be loved?

The problem is not being loved; it’s being loved the RIGHT way. Realizing you are just as strong without a partner while you are in a relationship is an important key. Be able to stand on your own two feet. Hold yourself up when times get rough. It will give you that boost to recognize that your partner is supposed to ease the pain, not add to it.

Photo by Natassia Davis

Photo by Natassia Davis

How can you love someone when you don’t Love yourself? Sometimes we have to blame ourselves, because if we don’t require our partners to treat us as we want, who is at fault? I started by writing down what I wanted in my partner. Let’s take the physical aspect out for a moment. I am talking about mentally, spiritually and psychologically what I wanted to see. I wrote down the things I didn’t like about my ex so I can recognize the behavior in my next relationship. Nobody’s perfect. Of course we’re not going to find someone who fits every requirement on that list.

Learning to love yourself sounds so easy but it is one of the hardest things. Yeah, it’s real easy to just say you love yourself, but it’s also easy to say you’ll go on a diet and never actually take the steps. It sounds nice, but you’re basically just playing mind tricks with yourself. You have to distinguish what you like about yourself. Your dislikes should be things that you want to change for you. Let’s say for instance you want to lose weight, are you doing it because you think it’ll impress someone else, or because you know you’ll be happier and healthier? Admitting small differences like that to yourself will surely help you on this mission to love yourself.

“MISSION: LOVE ME!” What a great idea! We should take weeks, months, YEARS, and just work on loving ourselves. Not only will it make YOU feel better but it would strengthen your future relationships. You know the saying “treat others like you want to be treated?” Well, let’s also “treat ourselves how we want to be treated.” Let’s teach other how we want to be loved. Like I said, “It’s your LIFE, so why not make yourself happy?”