Friday, May 27, 2022
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Illustration by John Kline

Love is pain, pain is love?

I think I’m speaking for the majority when I say that once you’re in college, the allure of hickey-making and hickey-taking is dead and gone. You have to wear a scarf in summer weather or embarrassingly Google “how to hide hickies.” However, you might just be admitted into Dr. Gregory House’s care (he would discover your shameful Googling, you know) when getting that cutesy little hickey causes you to have a stroke. According to the Toronto Sun, a 44-year-old New Zealand woman suffered a stroke from such affection. The hickey-maker sucked a little too hard, causing her artery in her neck to rip (yikes!) and a blood clot to form right below the hickey. Fortunately, she was treated and is now healthy.

Desperation isn’t attractive

Are you tired of Dr. Drew yet? He’s all over the place—from MTV’s “Teen Mom” to VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab.” But, before you write him off, I have one last gig for him. I would like, no, love, to see him have a fireside chat with these boys. According to CNN and AOL News, three teenagers and two juveniles were mistaken when they confused cremated remains of a father and two Great Danes with…cocaine or heroin. During a robbery, they took the remains, electronics, jewelry and other valuables. Surely one of them has seen heroin or cocaine close-up, or at least “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” or “21 Grams” and could distinguish the difference, right? They were arrested and later confessed to the robbery, snorting the ashes, and throwing the remains in the lake, which have partially been recovered by police.

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