Tuesday, May 17, 2022
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Too bootylicious in fur

In the age of knowing what everyone is doing and what everyone looks like via social networking sites and the paparazzi, this story seriously baffles the mind. It’s also a statement of creativity and stamina.

According to www.citypages.com, a woman stole a $6,500 fur coat from a fur retail store (here’s a collective disapproving sigh from animal lovers) by stuffing it up her dress. The store employee quickly noticed.

To prove her innocence, the woman pulled up her dress to show no fur coat and a bare bum.

Very confused and perhaps disturbed, the employee let her go.

The 270-pound, 5-foot-6-inch woman drove off but was later arrested. The officers looked for the coat, did a pat-down search and metal detector test but could not find it.

Since no female officers were present, the woman was placed in a holding cell without a more intimate search.

Three days later, after one would assume many meals and bathroom breaks, she finally fessed up. Hiking up her dress, she revealed the fur coat stuffed into the front of her…ahem, undergarments.

She was then charged with felony theft, and she later posted her $10,000 bail.

New years resolution: get on the naughty list

Kids these days. They have cell phones before they learn how to write in cursive and they assume diva-status right out of the womb as seen on TLC’s show “Toddlers and Tiaras.” Remember when you were little and had no woes? You never talked on the house phone , you pretended you were a teacher/superhero/cashier/president and were consistently joyful and adorable?

On Jan. 2, a 4-year-old boy in Florida tattled on his father. He called 9-1-1, a number he apparently believed to be Santa’s voicemail.

He brazenly stated, “Send a message to Santa that will say that dad is being bad. My dad’s been very bad, he really did.”

After some investigation, the operator discovered nothing was truly wrong and later sent a police officer to verify the child’s safety.

Before hanging up, the boy suggested the punishment that his father would endure from Santa, “When you’re bad you get a big rock, and you have to put it under your house.” Parents, they get no respect.

sashlock@unews.com

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