Saturday, March 6, 2021
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Tote Presh Ish Ryte Hurr (translation – totally precious s#*! right here)

Kasim Hardaway
Kasim Hardaway

My Facebook status a couple of days ago was an expression of my dislike of humanity… sad right?

However, I don’t care, things need to be said. Without further ado here was my status:

“jelly, perf, presh, ridic, obvi… if you are a person that uses 2 or more of these words on a regular basis, please do me the favor of removing me as your friend. Stop shortening words, they are meant to be that long.”

I don’t know why our generation thinks shortening words is “cute” or acceptable. It really isn’t. For all intents and purposes, we will label this the “shortened dialect.”

Here are a few examples of its usage:

Scenario: Two friends shopping at a store, one discovers a bag that will match the other friend perfectly.

1. “That bag is perf for you, everyone will love it.”

Scenario: Two friends are catching up after the weekend. One of the friends explains to the other how he/she watched “The Notebook,” a precious, heart-wrenching movie. The other friend expresses his/her jealously, because he/she thought they would be seeing it together.

2. Friend 1: “Have you seen “The Notebook,” it is so presh. I almost cried.”

Friend 2: “I AM SO JELLY, I wanted to go see that movie with you.”

Scenario: Two friends are talking about the video game, Halo. One of the friends has been trying to beat a level for hours which he/she thinks is ridiculous. The other friend beat the level with ease and did so in an hour, obviously showing his level of expertise at “Halo.”

3. Friend 1: “This level is so ridic. I have been trying to beat it for the past two hours.”

Friend 2: “I beat that in an hour, no joke, I am an expert, obvi.”

Scenario: Two friends discuss a rather awkward experience which the one of the friends expresses to the other. The other friend totally agrees with the other friend’s feelings toward the situation.

4. Friend 1: “That was so awk. I hope I never have to do that again.”

Friend 2: “TOTE.”

If you use this shortened dialect I strongly advise you to stop and realize the people around you are thinking the same thing I am, they just may not be willing to say it. That’s where I come in.

So when you hear your friends or colleagues talking as if a butcher is at their throats chopping words in half, simply remind them of how beings with higher levels of intelligence speak.

It’s what a real friend would do.

khardaway@unews.com

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