You nervously enter the classroom, and there he is. Of course, he picked a seat behind one of the smartest women in the class. He lurks behind her with an ever-present scowl.
Every time she participates in class discussion, his presence becomes highlighted again. He halfheartedly raises his tiny hand to mutter, “Wrong.” The class jitters and its professor looks astounded as they realize just how off-base and pervasive this denial has become.
“Of course Pride and Prejudice was written by Jane Austen, Don,” the professor sighs. “Do you not see her name on the cover?”
“It’s a horrible book,” Don snarks back. “There’s so much pride, and so much prejudice. Elizabeth Bennet is such a nasty woman.”
The class groans in unison. At this point, Don has to know that another student is already live-tweeting this whole exchange.
“She wrote it.” Don glares accusingly at the professor. “Pride and Prejudice has been around for 203 years. Why hasn’t Dr. Wilkinson— is it okay if I call you Dr. Wilkinson? I want you to be very happy— fixed it by now?”
Oh, I don’t know, Dr. Wilkinson thinks to herself. Maybe because I’ve been busy leading study abroad trips through England, being the head of a department, and advising my hundreds of undergraduates…Yet somehow, she already knows how Don will respond.
“Maybe I should be a professor,” he announces. He tries to charmingly push back his hair, but it remains stuck in place.
Obviously, the majority of the class knows that this is absolutely ridiculous. However, Don quickly garners a few supporters— the ones who can’t help but notice that the number of A’s on their assignments have rapidly dwindled since those exchange students showed up.
“He’s going to change the system,” these deplorables claim. “After all, he’s not the typical academic.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!” Dr. Wilkinson shouts. “I mean, that’s like saying you would want someone with no political experience to be president.”