Trug und Schein: A Correspondence

25. July 1938

[380725–2–1]

O., on July 25, 1938

Dear Mr. [Nord­hoff]!

No one could have brought me a hap­pier gree­ting this morning than you did with your cathar­tic mes­sa­ge. Becau­se I know that you are out of dan­ger; you can finish healing on your own. How good that you still have 14 days at your dis­po­sal. Use it well! I am now so hap­py and thank­ful.

Oh, if only we had gone tog­e­ther at the same time, perhaps this wouldn’t have hap­pen­ed,“ you wro­te in your last let­ter – and if only it could have been. I would have spa­red no effort to make you well, wit­hout let­ting them noti­ce anything at home. Or would you not think I was capa­ble?

Yes­ter­day, I embroi­de­red well into the evening. I was only able to do one pie­ce. Today, I went out­si­de with a blan­ket right after morning cof­fee. I went pret­ty far, on the way to B., I found a spot in a mea­dow bet­ween the corn fields; bas­ked in the sun — and con­tem­pla­ted. This after­noon you were to have met me in Gos­lar at 12:15. Now perhaps we would have been having our first walk around town. It doesn’t bother me, though, you may belie­ve that. I want for not­hing. I am just so hap­py, sin­ce I know you are out of  dan­ger.

I wal­ked the same path as today in April of this year. What a wret­ched mood I was in. I was at the end of my wits with ever­ything. I still remem­ber how long I stood at the pond — then the snow began to drift.

Ever­ything was so peace­ful and quiet today. The forest seems a dear fri­end to me when I take a look at it. It has obser­ved ever­ything this ent­i­re time; the joy — the suf­fe­ring. When I think about having to lea­ve this place, even if it were only the com­pul­so­ry six mon­ths of Labor Ser­vice. I belie­ve I would have to sum­mon all of my strength to per­se­ve­re.

It would also be some­what dif­fi­cult for you to bid fare­well to ever­ything in B.; even though you are used to moving becau­se of your pro­fes­si­on. It will perhaps not be as rough for you as it would be for your par­ents. After such time, I can’t easi­ly ima­gi­ne an about face. Yet some­thing like that is requi­red from your father. Now you have far­t­her to go from L. By the way, I just remem­be­red that I could not have accep­ted your pre­vious sug­ges­ti­on that I could also take my vaca­ti­on at your landlady’s in L. I for­got that the Grün­der fami­ly has been spen­ding their vaca­ti­on the­re sin­ce the begin­ning of the holi­day. They would have been real­ly puz­zled if they had come across me the­re. And qui­te frank­ly – I would not have a good con­sci­ence in front of them.

It’s fine with me for us to meet in Dres­den on Sunday. But only if you are healt­hy and cheer­ful, do you hear? I alrea­dy read a litt­le bit of my book. Should I bring it? It seems almost like a sto­ry that I read by Theo­dor Storm cal­led „Immen­see,“ but I only vague­ly remem­ber the style.— I will go to the school libra­ry (to pick up Fried­mann Bach) when the holi­day is over, as the­re will be no one the­re now.

Now I am going to get some fresh air and, as long as it is still nice, to have a stre­nuous swim. Most of all, I am loo­king for­ward to going to sleep, from 8 in the evening until 7 in the morning! I wish you well and send you best wis­hes, also from my par­ents,

[Hil­de Lau­be]

Allow me to sha­re the hap­pi­ness with you, I found it out­si­de this morning.

Plea­se fol­low and like us:
25. July 1938

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