By Shannon Peery
Dozens of nonprofit professionals recently joined MCNL for a program introducing the tenets and practice of allyship. The session was the first of a four-part series facilitated by experienced DEIB consultants Ghadeer M. Garcia and Mark Logan of ALLY LAB, a program of Idealect.
ALLY LAB’s programs focus on ‘behavior not belief’, understanding that allyship is an ongoing process, and that ‘allies act.’
Working Definition
Ghadeer and Mark define allyship as ‘a lifelong process of building and applying skills’ with marginalized groups which you are not a member of. Allyship is neither a badge, a state of enlightenment, nor savior-ship. ‘Ally’ comes from the Greek root ‘to bind together’ and relates to the Zulu phrase, “A person is only a person with people.” Allyship requires proximity; you cannot be an ally from a distance. Allyship is a two-way relationship, benefiting all. Finally, the action of allyship is a skillset.
Putting Allyship Skills into Practice: Listening
Listening starts with gauging the audience. Empathy helps to minimize the distance between people and can actively be practiced with listening both verbally and nonverbally.
- Use comprehensive listening. Comprehensive listening allows us to fully listen, engage, and more fully understand so that we can respond in ways that make us an ally.
- Set aside critical listening. Don’t listen to respond or form an opinion.
- WAIT. The acronym, WAIT, means ‘why am I talking?’ This is a question which needs to be asked when actively listening.
- Resist the impulse to solve the problem. Ask, ‘Would you like me to help, and if so, how?’ Be aware of the need to balance this ask with not putting additional emotional labor on the speaker.
- Reflect. What did you hear or see?
How Might We?
This concept comes from design thinking allowing us to know that there is not one ‘right’ answer yet many options for how we might respond and support as we wish, and work, to be allies. Often even as allies we are not sure what we are supposed to do. It is not necessarily one thing. Clarifying and asking the person what they meant, or why they said that can, in some cases, be helpful. Again, it is about context, the relationship dynamics and often there is not one ‘right’ thing to do in the given circumstances.
When we work to be allies in relationships, with others, and in our organizations, we want to ask the questions that can help us better support the person. Perhaps asking how we can help or what would you like me to do?
When Acting as an Ally
- Err on the side of action (and if you get it wrong, apologize and learn from it)
- Center the person most impacted
- Take a risk
- Proactive beats reactive ALWAYS
Putting processes/policies in motion to prevent overt and microaggressions is important. It is complicated, situational, and contextual.
How to Recover When You Get it Wrong (and You Will Get it Wrong)
It is inevitable that we will make mistakes in acting as allies. Here’s what you can do:
- Apologize
- Make it timely
- Acknowledge the specifics
- Take accountability
- Be sincere
- Learn (on your own) about the marginalized group
- Ask what made the impacted person uncomfortable
- Ask for suggestions to help you be more inclusive
The presenters also recommended, from their research, that what was most needed in the moment when something takes place was that it should be followed by action and reported to HR.
Allyship Matters
An organization and its leaders, managers, and staff can all benefit from this work.
Allyship can help people feel:
- Safer
- Happier
- More engaged
- More productive
- Less stressed
- Like they belong
Remember, allies ACT!
