By Kristina Gardner
You’ve heard about it. These awful cases of victim-blaming; from the case of the Toronto Police Officer telling girls to stop wearing skirts to school or they will get raped, to the New York City Police Officer warning women to stop wearing revealing clothing on the streets of Brooklyn (and in general) or they will get raped, to the newest piece that came out about the Radio Host blaming the Occupy Wall Street protestors for getting “raped and groped”. Why would you ever even think to blame the victim of a rape or any kind of sexual assault for the action of the person that did that to them! I don’t think women go around saying “I hope wearing this very cute skirt to go out with my friends doesn’t attract rapists.” No, she’s thinking about having a night on the town with her girlfriends, and looking good to have a good time. Or whatever the reason – because let’s face it, skirts are pretty comfortable—she should be able to wear that skirt or “revealing clothing” without any worries about being sexually assaulted. But I digress.
We have got to stop blaming the victims of these sexual assaults, stop asking them what they could have done to prevent it, blaming them for wearing that skirt, or low cut shirt, and start blaming the people that are doing these crimes! And doing something about it! These police officers should not be worrying about what the women were wearing, but rather worrying about getting the person that raped them, or preventing the possible rapes.
So, what if a horrible thing like sexual assault happens? What should we do as a friend to the person that has been sexually assaulted?
What to do…
if someone you know is a survivor of sexual assault, domestic/relationship violence, or stalking:
- Believe them. People rarely lie about dealing with these issues.
- Listen and concentrate on understanding their feelings.
- Allow them to be silent; you don’t have to talk every time they stop talking.
- Ask how you can help.
- Don’t ask questions that imply that the rape, abuse, or stalking is their fault, such as “Why did you go to his room?”, “Why are you staying with that person?”, or “Why didn’t you run away?”
- Offer to accompany them to the police, to seek medical attention, or to seek counseling.
- Help them regain a sense of control by letting them decide what to do. Help them explore the options and then support them in making their own decisions about how to proceed.
- Remind them that rape, abuse and stalking are not their fault.
- Offer shelter or companionship, so they don’t have to be alone.
UMKC Violenc Prevention and Response